Beyond the Mist of Hate
by CathAstrophik
Summary: Just a little reminder: I do not own Mobile suit Gundam SEED in this case DESTINY , it belongs to Toshihiko Sahashi, Hajime Yatate, Yoshiyuki Tomino and Sunrise. Thanks for reading and remember that I was you to review if you want new chapters! Yzak X OC, sequel to Beyond the Human's Genes. Rated M because, well… that's me.
1. Phase 1

**I do not own Gundam Seed Destiny's plot or characters.**

My desk was enormous; it was assigned in my office for paperwork, to sign important treaties with every other country once in a while and to simply work my brains out all day. I unbuttoned my blue and white trench coat and let the skin of my neck breathe. The window, behind my desk chair, let in the beautiful sunshine, which plunged down on my back, heating my whole body. **This feels nice... **I smiled and grabbed the small picture on the far end of my wooden desk and felt the structure of the metal frame on my digits, the coldness of it buzzing me off. I slowly looked at the detailed photograph. This picture, if my memory served me right, was about a year old and the scenery was delicate and flowery. It was taken outside, under a cherry blossom and people were sitting on a picnic table. The main focus was my little sister, Cagalli Yula Atha, who was unwillingly blowing the seventeen candles on her birthday cake, her unofficial boyfriend Athrun Zala sitting at her right, smiling softly. On her right was my other younger sibling, Kira Yamato, who was struck with the wind and his very good friend Lacus Clyne, hero to the ZAFT nation and one of my very best friends too. I took a closer look on the woman behind Cagalli, who was standing straight and sighed heavily. She wasn't much taller than Kira and wore, on that day, a dark pair of jeans and a white tee shirt. Her hair, as usual, was in a ponytail, being too long for a windy day in the park. She was barely smiling, her face hidden under a layer of thick, white icing, partially hiding her nose and her cheekbones. Cagalli 'accidently' has rubbed it on her ivory skin. The thing with that woman is that she was giving the camera a very stiff, almost rigid gaze, proof that she must've been worn out by the previous war. This Bloody Valentine war had tainted her spirit, it seemed. That woman was no stranger to me since she was actually I, Kim Desjardins.

She was I a year ago, when I got a full time job in the Government of Orb. But most importantly, she was the only person in that picture that wasn't entirely happy. I wasn't happy and I didn't understand why. For once, I had all the reasons in the world to be joyful: the war was over and I helped to end it, killing in my path one of the most dangerous ZAFT Elites there was. Second of all, I didn't die and didn't see anyone close to me being hurt... Which is a lie, of course. I had lost my very own person that mattered most in my little closed world; Seth Yoshiro had died during combat and it still affected me today... more than any other time during war. Maybe it was because the world was finally settling down and that I had time to think about him again, to go through every reason why, on the other end, I didn't die. I knew the answer but just wouldn't admit it for it was so unreal. That woman in the picture was now hardly recognizable, even her being myself. Today, I was busy like I've never been busy in my whole life; being the Orb Representative's right hand, I had to work fully all day and almost all night and couldn't even have time to eat. But I was grateful to my sister Cagalli for offering me a job. After all, being the Orb's Representative, Cagalli had a lot of power... a lot.

I replaced the picture on the right side of my desk and stood up from my chair, my stiff legs waking up again. I walked to the window and looked down on the street below, where passing citizens hurried for a place on the bus. My desk phone rang and I answered monotone, my secretary advising me that Cagalli Yula Atha was on her way to meet me, actually walking up the stairs to my office. I thanked the lady and slammed the phone shut on the adapter, lazily falling down on my chair again. When I looked at my clock five minutes later, Cagalli wasn't here still. It wasn't in her habits to be late to a meeting and she was _never_ late to the meetings she personally called. After another couple of minutes waiting, someone knocked on my door and I pressed the small red button under my desk, unlocking the door. "You can come in."

There she was: Cagalli Yula Atha in all of her stressed splendour, her short golden hair flowing as she walked to my desk. "Kim! You look absolutely dead! Why didn't you tell me that you had too many hours? I am going to change your schedule as soon as..." I didn't let finish her sentence.

"Cagalli Yula Atha. You gave me a full time job. I accept it with honour, no matter how hard I work. I am glad to have you as family." I replied, offering her tea. She took a sip of the warm liquid and sighed. "I've just received a call from our link in the PLANTs: Chairman Durandall wants to have a meeting with us. He said he wants to meet _both _the Representative of Orb and the Executive, meaning you, this Friday, at noon." I sighed and looked away. I had my doubts over the ZAFT military force overall. It just seemed odd, after two years, that we could be allies with the PLANTs... after all, it's only been two years since the Bloody Valentine and deep inside my heart, I wasn't sure I was ready to completely trust them yet with both of my hands.

"Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, I know we have great relations with the PLANTs, but isn't this going... a bit too fast?" I asked, unsure of my younger sister's reaction.

"What do you mean? We've been trying so hard to establish a viable communication with the Supreme Council and its Chairman, now you want us to just flush them away? I mean, what's up with you, Kim? Isn't this what you and I wanted?" she asked, incredulous and surprised by my sudden reaction.

"I understand... but I just can't really understand the real motives of this man's actions. For the past two years, his movements were not really revolutionary and were pretty much predictable. I have been there several times, Cagalli. I know what's happening there. They are multiplying their armaments and the loads of Mobile suits. They even have created newly remodelled GINNs and some new divisions in the military." She frowned and looked away.

"How do you know such information?" she asked, curious.

"Cagalli: my fiancé is _Commander _Yzak Joule. He works under Chairman Durandall almost directly. I would know stuff like that. I know what you are thinking now; he did not divulge vital information on his country. He's not a traitor but he prefers leaving me informed, that's all. He clearly doesn't want any more damage to the fragility of this unsure peace." She nodded understandingly and smiled. "How much time off do you need to get to see him?"

"I don't know. He is currently under mission, so I can't really call him up but we see each other every two or three weeks..." I said, smiling cheaply. She frowned again and shook her head.

"For an engaged couple, you guys are taking one hell of a time actually not being married." I smirked and nudged her hand. "It's not that simple: he's almost always on duty and I am also. For the matter, he doesn't want me near the PLANTs at all. He's the one coming here." Again, she gave me a puzzled look.

"He's scared that I might try to... That I might take a liking into..." I couldn't finish my sentence, my emotions taking over me.

"That you might want to pilot a Mobile suit again? Kim... It's been two years... The Vengeance was taken away from you by Orb, remember? You know I didn't have the last word on this decision. If it was only for me, I'd let you have it again but the truth is... we gave it back to ZAFT. I sent you the report already, three months ago."

"I completely understand." I said, not knowing what to answer her.

"Kim... they had jurisdiction over this one Mobile suit. It's a miracle they didn't find the Freedom. I guess Lacus has her ways... Since the Freedom is technically 'lost' and the Justice that Athrun used to destroy Genesis is in ashes, only the Vengeance was kept and it's the only model of this class left..." I nodded softly and whipped away my tears in a swing. The Vengeance had been the most powerful experience of my life as a pilot and it will always stay the same. "I promised Yzak I wouldn't pilot again. He wants me safe in a tight office, well I'll be damned. He'll have what he wants." I replied, smirking.

"So, what about this whole Chairman Durandall thing, ugh? What do I do with this?" she asked, obviously unsure about her choice.

"I'm simply the Executive, Cagalli. You're the one representing the Orb nation's wishes. If the people wishes us to encounter this gentleman, than... it should be that way. The statistics are in and it's very obvious they want you to meet him." I replied, handing over the paperwork to Cagalli.

"Fine, we'll meet in the PLANTs. That means..." she started.

"Yes, I give you permission to bring your lovely bodyguard along for the ride. Oh by the way, Athrun, I know you've been waiting at the door for several minutes now. You can come in, idiot." I heard someone chuckle and the sliding doors opened to reveal a tall, handsome man. His hair was a bit longer since I last saw him and his green, emerald eyes lit the room... for Cagalli. "Good afternoon, ladies." He said, shaking my hand.

"Okay. Let's put this simple for you, my dear Athrun. I am not your boss and you are not my subordinate. I am your friend and you are a very valuable companion. Don't you ever shake my hand again or I'll seriously have you fired." I said, very serious, taking Athrun Zala by surprise. "By the way, _very valuable companion_, you really need a haircut." I replied, grabbing my cell phone.

"Yeah, you see? I'm not the only one thinking that way, Athrun. We'll stop at the barber's shop later. The bodyguard of Cagalli Yula Atha needs to look sharp and sexy." Said Cagalli, earning a smirk from her lovely Athrun. I excused myself and left the room. I grabbed my cell phone again as it vibe again my leg, in my pants pocket. I looked on the display screen and Yzak Joule's name appeared. **Yzak... You remembered? **I opened the bent side of the cell and pressed on the 'talk' button. I waited a couple of seconds, since it was procedure against call retracing and finally answered: "Hello?"

"Damn, I hate it when you don't answer directly! It's irritating... all I want to hear is your voice!" he said, almost whining in anger.

"I miss you too. What are you up to anyway? It's been three days and nothing." I said, pacing back in forth in the corridor.

"My crew and I were sent into space for the tests on the new GINNs. They're really amazing... Oh, sorry Kim. I forgot... Let's talk about something else. What are you doing right now?" he asked, almost immediately changing subjects. I thought about cutting the line but I restrained myself from doing so.

"I was talking with Cagalli and Athrun. Do you know the Orb Representative and the Executive are supposed to visit the PLANTs soon? Like, this Friday? I have a meeting with Chairman Durandall, Yzak. I'm coming to see you." I said, not hearing one word from him. "Yzak, are you still there?"

"Yeah, I hear you. Listen; are you taking a shuttle to get here?" he asked.

"Of course. I wouldn't pilot my lovely ass up there anyway. Why is that?"

"I am almost finished with the testing. I could be done for Friday. I'll come and pick you up at the station, if you don't mind. After all, I am your fiancé. I'll be waiting for your arrival. I... I've got to go. See you Friday, Kim..." he hung up and I closed my cell phone again. I sighed and went into my office again, breaking Cagalli's and Athrun's conversation. "Oh, don't bother yourselves. You can continue." I asked, booting up my computer.

"Kim, we'll be honest; we're worried about you." Said Athrun.

"What do you mean, 'worried about me'? Don't I look fine? I feel fine. What's the matter with you two?" I asked, cheaply grinning.

"It seems like it's not going very well... between you and Yzak." Said Cagalli.

"Of course it doesn't always end up happily but we manage. After all, he's always on mission into space and I am confined to my beautiful mahogany desk, doing paperwork for you, sister, which I am very grateful. We don't have as much time as we like... but that's life."

They looked at each other and frowned sadly.

"How's the... wedding planning going on?" asked Cagalli again. I put my hand on the table loudly and looked at them with an annoyed look. They were pretty sure I was about to throw a fit but I kept my voice down.

"Listen: I am fine. He's fine. It's not in our near future that it's going to happen. We didn't decide the date yet. As I said before, we're too busy to even _see_ each other in person, let alone plan a wedding together. When he and I have time, we'll see. I'll personally make you my maid of honour, Cagalli. I know you always dreamt of it, but you'll have to wait a little bit longer..." I said, almost ripping their heads off.

"Kim, I know what's upsetting you." Said Athrun. "Go on, what's on my mind?" I asked, filling some documents on my computer.

"You can't do something that you absolutely love. Your passion is to pilot a Mobile suit and so is mine. I know how you feel: like a caged animal. It kills you inside knowing that somewhere, your lover can but you can't. It's what we were born to do and it's our main way to dispose of stress and to entertain ourselves. I completely understand you." He said, trying to be nice. I gave him a sharp glare and continued my work. "Athrun, sometimes, I just wish you were my mother." I said, pushing away the dark thoughts and laughing. Cagalli laughed also, leaving Athrun confused. I knew that deep down... he was right. It was inevitable. I was born, as a very unnatural being, to pilot and to test my abilities on the field and I was restrained to do so. I stopped typing for a brief moment but resumed my duty afterwards. "Athrun, are you sure you want to come to the PLANTs with Cagalli and I? I mean, isn't it going to be awkward for you?" I asked, waiting for a reaction that never came.

"I am glad I can finally assist you and Cagalli on the field. I'll protect you from harm, even though I know you're always carrying a gun, Kim. And you're a better shooter than I'll ever be." I blushed by this sudden compliment and looked at Cagalli.

"Well, princess, what now? What's your plan?" I asked her.

"We'll depart Friday morning and aboard my own shuttle up to the PLANTs. We'll just have to find someone to escort us to Chairman Durandall and we'll be all set." She replied, looking at Athrun.

"We'll, I have the solution to your problem. You see, Yzak is coming to pick me up at the station. Maybe he could escort us to the military facility where the meeting is due?" I proposed. I knew Cagalli wasn't very fond of my choice of lover but she nodded softly and told me she trusted my judgment on this. "We're going to be safe with Yzak, don't worry." Said Athrun, backing me up. I looked at the clock and it was time to leave now. Cagalli and Athrun wished me a good evening and I took a break to go home and to finally rest a little.

Driving on the coat line high way, I looked at the sea that sparkled like a gem and wondered how many died in that ocean that caressed the lower boulders. **Too many, perhaps.** I pressed on the accelerator and stopped looking at the glaring sight of beauty. My house wasn't very far from where I was. It was my own personal retreat, not my city loft. Since Cagalli had refused me into the office tomorrow, why shouldn't I enjoy the view and the sound of the ocean for one comforting night? I turned on the left and rolled up the hill leading to my private house on a hill, view on the ocean, cut from the world and perfect for me... and Yzak, when he has time off.

When I got out of the car, inside the triple door garage, the doors closed automatically and I entered the house through the side door. The house wasn't that big but being enough for some room for two on certain occasions and for one on almost every occasion. The lead porch was enormous, covering every side of the house and had a couple of chairs on the ocean front, once used to my guests, Kira and Lacus and the kids they were babysitting. I opened the patio door and let the salty air fill the rooms of the house. It was soothing and it was the perfect place to rest; reading a book on the porch, watching television on the big ass television in the living room and cooking some tasty meals in the kitchen. I could remember, standing on the edge of a table and kiss Yzak from morning until dawn, being so happy in his presence. Since it was the gift Cagalli had given me for my engagement with Yzak, it has been the place where we spent the most time together, loving each other.

I closed my eyes as I remembered the first time when Yzak and I came back to Earth, after the war, looking for a place to live together, for a short while. Cagalli, newly admitted as Orb's Representative, had given us this gift as a welcoming gift, too. Yzak, released from the military for a certain period of time, had kept his belongings here and it really felt like home. I could still smell the scent of his cologne in the air, his musky scent thrilling my nostrils. I gripped my hands on the table's edge and grunted with anger. **Why the hell can't you be here with me more? I thought you could!** I immediately told myself that thinking that way wouldn't bring him back here with me, under the fresh sheets of our king size bed. The sun was rapidly setting down and I had put on my pyjamas and opened the television on the news channel. The woman speaking was very pretty with bleach blond hair and big blue eyes. "_We've just learned from Cagalli's representative that both Representative Yula Atha and Executive Desjardins will be attending a meeting with ZAFT's Chairman Gilbert Durandall for a matter of protection of the peace between the PLANTs and the country of Orb... We hope this meeting will be successful and that our Executive and Representative will come with peace in hands on the day of their return, meaning this Sunday..." _

I frowned and closed the television, throwing my blanket violently on the other end of the room. I decided to go to sleep since I never fumed so much in an evening. I slipped into my bed and I fought with my thoughts for an entire hour trying to push Yzak's face away but my heart kept them right on coming to annoy me. Finally, my barriers cracking down one by one, I grabbed my cell phone and called the only person on heart whose voice would comfort me. I dialled the number and waited for the person to pick up. After a couple of seconds, the communication established and Lacus's voice ringed into my ears.

"Hello?"

"L-Lacus? Is that y-you?" I said, trying to fight the sobs.

"Kim? What's going on? Why are you crying?" There was no fighting Lacus.

"I-I m-miss him."


	2. Phase 2

**I do not own Gundam Seed Destiny's plot or characters.**

The rest of the week past as a swift blur. II was already at the shuttle port when Cagalli had arrived, accompanied by Athrun. She looked sweaty and obviously annoyed by all of the media following her around, asking questions about anything and everything. "Miss Yula Atha! How come you have a meeting with ZAFT?"

"Miss Desjardins, what is your plan concerning this newly formed peace between Orb and the PLANTs?"

"Miss Cagalli, what's new in your life? Do you have someone in mind right now?"

The questions were unbearable for both Cagalli and I, Athrun making way through the crowd so we could reach the shuttle leaving for the PLANTs. It seemed Athrun was the nervous one around here: after all, his father, the late Chairman Zala, had been killed before his eyes in the colony of Jachin Due, back in ZAFT territory and had been once Elite for the ZAFT forces. I pressed my hand on his shoulder to comfort the blue haired Coordinator and he gently smiled back, grabbing both of our arms. "You better get on the ramp before those damn paparazzi really get to you and then I'll have no power over your security." He said, grinning.

"Of course, Athrun. I'll do my best not to be killed or to be kidnapped by some psycho, just for you." I said, smirking widely.

"Kim, I already told you: Athrun is Alex Dyno, now. You can't call him Athrun at all on this trip or I'll personally make sure your head is rolling on the floor...!" whispered Cagalli, murderously serious. If Athrun was to be discovered to be back in the PLANTs once again, he would be considered as a traitor and a deserter to his nation and would be executed on the spot. Athrun winked at me and whispered: "She's freaking out because she's afraid I might the one who's going to die." I giggled and nudged his arm, walking up the metal ramp, boarding the private shuttle of Miss Cagalli Yula Atha. The trip lasted less than an hour and very soon, we were disembarking from the shuttle, relieved that there was no one here to wait for us and to ask some dumb questions. I looked around and expected him to be found here, waiting inside the hangar. I restlessly gazed around the enormous hangar and caught Cagalli's worried look. "Look, Kim. It's probable he's not coming. He told you he was in space for this mission that he just couldn't..." But the silence was broken by a well too known voice shouting at the other side of the hangar.

"I told you that it was on this side, you dumbass! You're lucky I'm not going to fire you for your complete lack of responsibility, you stupid baboon!" I chuckled and looked at Athrun, who shook his head with a smile on his face. "Here's our beloved Commander Yzak Joule, first class asshole..." I punched his shoulder and he winced in pain.

"I am going to hurt you more the next time you say something like that, Athrun Zala. He's a very busy man and he doesn't have time for incompetent fools running around him like flies. You should understand him more than anybody else." Athrun stayed silent while I walked down the metal staircase attached to the shuttle for the passenger to get off. Walking in my direction was a tall young man with short silvery white hair in a white Commander uniform, his face in a frown. "Yzak! You came!" He walked faster and when he was able to grab my arm, he pulled me in a tight embrace, putting his chin on my shoulder.

"You knew I was going to be here anyway... Oh, Athrun. What are you doing here?" he asked, almost surprised.

"I am on mission to protect the Representative and the Executive of Orb, my brave Commander. It's been a while, Yzak. How are... things, in the military? Now that you're Elite Commander, your job's difficulty must've been multiplied." He said, shaking his old comrade's hand. "Its shit, like always. But it's good pay so I'll shut up for now. So, you guys are going to meet Chairman Durandall, right?" asked Yzak, looking at Cagalli and I.

"That's correct. Are you accompanying us to him, Commander Joule?" asked Cagalli, restraining herself from calling him by his own name,

"Yes. Well, until you board the helicopter in direction of Headquarters. There, you'll meet Chairman Durandall and I'll be obligated to leave." He said, looking at me, his eyes connecting with mine. "So... soon...?" I whispered. "I am afraid I do not control the situation. We should get going, Kim. You're going to be late." We walked behind him and I tried to follow his pace and placed myself besides him, walking closer to his body.

"Are you doing in Orb, Kim? I hear, since you became Executive, that you work a lot, even for your own standards." He asked, worried.

"Oh, that's nothing, really. I am simply grateful Cagalli lets me work for her, that's all. I get a good pay out of it, too." I said, looking away.

"It's not a matter of money, you know that. I just don't want you to work too hard." He kissed my forehead and I wrapped my arm around his waist, pulling him closer to me. Cagalli and Athrun were silent, in the back, walking at their own speed, although Athrun was walking slowly for the tired Cagalli to follow up with him. We quickly mounted in a car that lead us to the outside of the military hangar, where the helicopter was waiting for us. When the car pulled over to let us out, I let Cagalli and Athrun out first. I wanted to say goodbye to Yzak alone, his hand caressing the back of my neck, his piercing blue eyes gazing into mine. "I will enjoy this moment until we see each other again..." he said, kissing my cheek. I buried my head in his neck and sighed. "When are you coming to see me again?" He told me he didn't know and that he would call me as soon as he had a couple of days worth of relaxing. I had to get out and rejoin with Cagalli soon enough. Yzak held my hand to the very last moment and let go when I had to climb in the chopper.

"Give me a call when you can." He said, closing the sliding door behind me. I nodded through the window and smiled to him, waving my hand goodbye. He nodded in understanding and quickly turned around, getting back in the car. He looked so small now that the helicopter was high in the air, separating us once again for an unknown period of time.

When the helicopter landed at Headquarters, I was drawn to the scenery: the vast military facility was enormous and very high. The military hangars and corps around it were loaded with machines and GINNs and military fare. The helicopter dropped on the 'H' sign and the sliding door opened so we could get out. It was high security for us: even generals and commanders were here to protect Cagalli, Athrun and I, holding their guns close to their hands, officially saluting us. We got in and we were pushing inside an elevator, which took us to the last remaining upside floor. Athrun seemed a bit nervous but his thoughts were cut by his comment to Cagalli. "Do you think that's the appropriate attire for this kind of event? Tell me you, at least, brought one dress with you. Look at Kim, she's wearing a dress." He said, pointing at my silky black dress.

"Hey, I like that dress. I don't wear it because I have to, Athrun Zala." I replied to him.

"Why does it matter, what I wear? Don't you think this is good enough?" she asked, looking at him. He frowned desperately and changed his mug to a smirk. "For something like this, a little bit of acting never hurts... You know this already. Look, don't pretend to be somebody you're not... but you don't want them to think you're an amateur, either. At least we have Kim with us..." he replied to her, earning a sharp glare from the Representative. She quickly looked at me and my bid round eyes made her change expressions.

"Yeah, I'm glad she's here." She replied, looking back in front of her.

"Although this is an unofficial visit, never forget that you are now a ruler of Orb." Said Athrun to Cagalli, smiling at her. She frowned in disapproval and stayed silent for a long moment. As for where we were walking to now, we were following a sergeant who was able to escort us to the officer of the Chairman. We passed in a very crowded area where people were embarking and disembarking shuttles. It was very noisy and I could hear a youngster asking his father about the newest first class war ship Minerva. Another one replied: "Yeah, we'll show them filthy Naturals!" I was about to run to the PLANTs citizen and to break every one of his teeth for saying such cruel comments but Athrun took my arm and shook his head, indicating that now was not the time to pound on some jerk.

We took another elevator and descended lower in the facility. The general accompanying us were silent and Cagalli decided to break the ice. "So, tomorrow's ceremony marks the first departure of a new ship since the last war ended? I hope they are well aware of what I came here to discuss with them. Strange that they're holding the ceremony now... in _this_ place."

"That's true, but remember: we were the ones who requested a meeting at the earliest convenience, Representative Atha. I suspect Chairman Durandall chose this location for our benefit... perhaps it would attract less attention than a visit to the PLANT homeland." That left me thinking that Athrun, even though he always stayed low profile, had a genius mind and that he was a great analyser. The scenery in the elevator changed as we could see outside; a vast river made its appearance and Cagalli and I gasped. "It's beautiful." I said, looking at Athrun, who seemed pensive. **It must be hard for you not to be home, Athrun.**

As soon as we got off the elevator, our chaperons and Athrun pulled Cagalli and I in a long corridor and we walked to the door at the other end of it. It seemed like such a long time and I replaced my dress and tried to fix my hair. "Kim, you're perfect." Said Cagalli, smiling at me. When we reached the double sliding doors, the men accompanying us switched places and went behind us. Inside the room, a lot of people were waiting: purple uniforms, green uniforms, even a white one, like Yzak. But the one in the middle, the man standing straight with striking black hair, walked towards us with his hands gesturing us to come in.

"Ah! Princess! And Executive Desjardins, too! I have to apologize for you to have come all this way here." I recognized his face from the television news and the newspaper. This was none other than the infamous Chairman Durandall, his golden eyes staring right into mine.

"No. I should be the one thanking you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to meet us, Chairman Durandall." Cagalli shook hands with Cagalli and his gaze fell upon Athrun and I again, his eyes gleaming with a strange light. We bowed and he smiled.

"How are things in your country?" he asked. The conversation went on and for one, I felt like Cagalli, even though she had lack of experience in speeches, should have the right to entertain the Chairman alone; I wanted her to prove her worth and her loyal words without any support and Athrun understood too.

"Ever since you became their Representative, many problems have been solved, Princess." Said Chairman Durandall, his hands always in sight. We were sitting around his office, each of us handed a chair. Athrun and I sat a bit further and we kept our gaze on Cagalli, who was doing admirably well. "I haven't been working alone on my country, Chairman. I also have this important person to assist me, Kim Desjardins. Since she's the Executive, she's my right hand and almost my slave, for a major part of the day." She said, trying to make the crowd laugh, even though it wasn't really her style. The Chairman chuckled and turned his attention on me for a brief moment, like he was analyzing me with his piercing eyes. He then smiled and replied:

"As your sworn friend, I am happy for you... and a bit envious too."

"I have still a lot to learn..." Switching the focus of the meeting, the Chairman smiled again and decided to get serious.

"So? What could this urgent matter may be? After all, it's been a long trip and must've been tiring for you all... From what I heard from my Ambassadors, it's a complicated matter you wish to discuss, right?" he said, leading to the main point. Cagalli, putting an act, frowned and hissed her shoulders.

"It's doesn't seem that complicated to _me_ nor to my Executive. But as I have yet to receive a clear response from your administration on this subject, perhaps it _really_ is a complicated matter." She said, earning a sharp look from me. She shrugged it off like a bad habit and continued, almost accusingly. "My country had been repeating the requests that you stop using Orb's technology and human resources that were accidently leaked out during the battle of Orb for your own military business."

The Chairman, I found, was killing me with his silent looks. He kept changing his focus from Cagalli to me and it really got on my nerves. He didn't seem to have an answer so I found it acceptable to push it out from him.

"Are you _ever_ going to answer?" I asked, glaring at him. Athrun softly gasped and nudged my arm, earning another sharp glare from my eyes. Cagalli turned around and was speechless. The Chairman seemed surprised I have jumped in so harshly and started in my face for the longest moment before I started to speak again.

"Why haven't I received a response from you yet?" I asked, losing every ounce of patience in my body left. The Chairman, for a brief moment, reconsidered answering but simply got up and asked us to follow him outside since it was such a beautiful, warm day. "Fresh air will do us good, am I right, Princess?" he asked, almost too politely. "Yes... I suppose."

Outside the facility, the Chairman walked alongside Cagalli, Athrun and I and he began to talk. "You, my Princess, are a courageous person who fought in a Mobile suit during the last war. You are also the successor of the late Lord Uzumi. You fought alongside Kim Desjardins, who is also your Executive. I believe you two are very close. The Lion of Orb who held on his country's ideal until the very end, without giving in to pressure." We stopped in front of a hangar and the Chairman faced both Cagalli and I in the eyes.

"Well, then? What should we do under the condition this world is in now? I am sure you are fully aware of it, Princess Cagalli." I looked around and saw all of the new models ZAFT had created over the past two years. Very developed Mobile suits with massive weapons and stronger beams. I looked at Athrun, who seemed more than angry in front of this, but he stayed calm nonetheless. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. **I guess I have my answer now and its right in front of me.**

"We will defend our country's ideals. That's all.

"_Never invading in other countries, never allowing an invasion in our country by another and never become involved in another country's conflict?" _said Chairman Durandall, having learned by heart the principles of Orb.

"That's right." Said Cagalli, now facing the Chairman.

"Naturally, we feel the same way too. It would be best if that could be. However, that wish cannot be realized without power. Even you, my Princess... No, you should be the one who understands that best. Isn't that why Orb has its own military ready for anything?" I felt obliged to answer.

"We fear what happened in the past may happen again." Cagalli seemed nervous and replied to the Chairman: "Could you stop calling me Princess?" she asked, a bit annoyed. "Oh! Thousands apologies, Representative Atha!" he exclaimed with a bright smile on his gleaming face.

We continued walking and Chairman looked at me.

"What are you afraid of, Executive Desjardins? Is it because of the pressure of the Atlantic Federation? I know of what happened in the past... I am also afraid it could happen again. They believe that Orb is providing military assistance to us regardless of the treaty?" he asked, making my fists clench.

"This matter is not mine to answer. Let the Representative answer that on my behalf." I replied, looking at Cagalli. "We let the Orb refugees come in the PLANTs with a warm welcome and I feel that it's of my own responsibility to keep them safe. I also believe they, if they want to that is, should work with the skills they possess to make a living here, where their new home is." He continued.

"...But...! Excessive power will only bring about more conflicts!" exclaimed Cagalli, the Chairman striking her last cord of patience.

"No, Princess. Power is necessary because conflict won't cease to exist."

My heart raced as the general alarm was set off in the military field. I looked at Athrun and he quickly grabbed Cagalli by the arm. _"An alarm?_ What's wrong?" asked Athrun, making Cagalli even more nervous. Sergeants passed and I heard it was coming from Hangar 6. Suddenly, emaning from that specific hangar, Gottfried beams were shot through the metal hangar frames and exploded in a big cloud of black smoke, making other GINNs explode around us. I threw myself on the ground and Athrun pushed Cagalli and himself close to me, the Chairman still standing. Some of his workers pulled around him and protected him from any debris. More explosions crashed around us and the ground was shaking like a leaf in the autumn air. I caught glimpse of three newly developed Mobile suits and growled, in the direction of the Chairman, his face twisted with confusion.

"_This is what happens when you want power!_ You **lose** control over it!"

More bombs like beams exploded around us and I closed my eyes, helpless.


	3. Phase 3

**I do not own Gundam Seed Destiny's plot or characters.**

More bombs like beams exploded around us and I closed my eyes, helpless. People were screaming and soldiers were running inside the remaining hangars to pick up anything that was left to pilot to fight the enemy that had stolen Mobile suits. "They're the new models! They have been stolen by someone!" screamed an officer, barking his brains out. "We need to capture them!"

"What?" exclaimed the Chairman, his hair in a messy state from being thrown on the ground.

"New... models...?" whispered Cagalli, tears in her eyes. The battlefield in front of our eyes was brutal and I feared what was happening for the past two years. I knew peace wouldn't last for long... as long as there were humans, the fighting would never end. I saw the green Mobile suit the soldiers called Chaos and gasped, holding my hands to my mouth. **They're no ordinary Mobile suits... they're GUNDAMs!" **Those newly developed machines were destroying the entire facility with beams and many people were now dead. The Chairman grabbed Cagalli's arm and said to his secret police: "Take the Princess to safety and take Executive Desjardins too." But I had other plans. I had noticed a GINN lying on the ground, on its back, the cockpit open. Athrun caught glimpse of my sight and grabbed my arm. "Yzak told you not!"

"He doesn't have any power over _me_! I have to protect Cagalli and you!" I snapped my arm away and ran in the direction of the green fallen GINN, my dress permitting me to run as fast as the wind. I jumped on the lying arm and jumped into the cockpit, attaching my seat belt. I started the engine and the GINN came to life in a matter of second, its heavy body rising from the damaged ground.

I looked outside and saw clearly, my vision as sharp as crystal. It was like I was being alive again, that I could finally breathe through all of the smoke in my life. I was a pilot, I couldn't deny it. I had lived for this feeling my whole life and now, I could live again. **Let's get those bums!** I pressed on the speed pedal and the GINN rose in the air sluggishly. "This is one slow mother. How am I ever going to catch up to those darn spies?" I took out the laser axe from the equipment compartment and looked around for what was attacking the harbour. When I saw the black model called Gaia, I took out my sniper and shot in its direction, the pilot turning around and evading it.

The BuCue style Mobile suit switch gears into GUNDAM mode and took out its laser sword and jumped in my direction, the GINN slowly evading the slash of the enemy. "Who are you and what do you want?" But the pilot didn't reply: it just gets on pushing my GINN to its limits, sending mind blowing punches. I evaded the past one and rammed down my opponent's right hand with my laser axe. The Gaia seemed to have stopped and rejoined with the other two. I kept hitting on the Gaia and I swore to myself I wouldn't stop until someone killed me. I didn't want another out of proportion war and this conflict was going to stop no matter what. But it was the GUNDAM who attacked me, the blue one called Abyss because the Gaia seemed to have worthier opponents than me. "You're running away from me, perhaps?"

I landed another axe hit on the back of the Gaia but something jumped on mine, something I couldn't shake off. "Get off me! Fight me like a man!" I swung the axe in the back and felt it hit something, like an arm. The Mobile suit on my back let go and jumped off my green, pathetic GINN. I turned around and saw the Chaos, beams ready, cannon aimed in my direction. He shot and I pressed the hover pedal and the speed pedal at the same time and sore into the sky, evading the hit. I took out my sniper and tried to shot down the green GUNDAM, but my efforts were in vain: my GINN was way too slow to catch up to anything. **Damn! What do I do now?** I flew to the abyss and attacked frontal, pushing the green GUNDAM around. I swung my laser blade in its direction and the pilot blocked, sending me backwards. I was now surrounded by the three Mobile suits now: the Abyss, the Chaos and the Gaia. "Shit!"

On the GINNs radar, I could see a white spot flying in our direction. I didn't what was happening and they were closing on me pretty fast. If that was an ally's Mobile suit, I wished that he pressed the speed pedal to the ground. I took a defensive stance and hoped for the best. The Chaos suddenly jumped towards me and took out the laser sword out of its equipment pouch and slashed my GINNs arm to pieces, making the Mobiles suit totally useless. The flying white dot suddenly appeared closer and I looked up to see something I felt I've once seen before. "The Strike? No, that's not it!" The Mobile suit I was seeing wasn't the Strike Kira used to pilot, but something more elaborate, more powerful, quicker and stronger. It landed on its feet before me and his double laser blades were put together to form a laser shield. I couldn't speak. I was in shock that someone actually came to help me. The GUNDAM in front of me flew to the Gaia and put up an amazing assault, finally breaking her shield, sending her backwards. A huge explosion made its shock in the sky; something was trying to damage the roof of the PLANT! My ally got distracted by this sudden change of event and I protected the pilot from a deadly beam by the Chaos with the rest of what I could call a shield.

"Thank you." The boy's voice said through communication. The pilot, judging by his voice alone, seemed young, probably my age or so. The pilot seemed to have difficulty with the three of them and was pushed down by the Abyss, this one ready to shoot the new GUNDAM's head off. "Hang on!" I reached from behind the blue stolen Mobile suit and swung my axe again and sent it packing to the ground, immobilized for a moment. The young pilot looked behind and paralyzed as the Chaos rushed towards him, swords in hands. I flew the GINN towards the Chaos and blocked the hit with my Mobile suit's body, making it fly backwards and hit a wall, my head hitting violently my seat. I tried to regain my spirit but this hit to the head seemed to have sealed this battle for me. I shook my head and felt the dizziness over come me. I let the commands go and tried to keep focus on the situation but I couldn't. I just wished I could've done more for the one that helped me. "Listen... I don't know who you are... but I am afraid... I can't fight... anymore." I said to my ally, establishing communication with him. "Don't worry; I can handle this, now." Was all he said before leaping in the air to follow the escaping Mobile suits, leaving me alone to fend for myself.

I tried to get up and I felt this rush of pain to the head. I sat down once again but told myself that if I didn't move and quick, I'd be paralyzed here until someone would find me. I got up again and opened the damaged cockpit and slowly got out, leaning on anything that was in my way. I sat on the metallic body and let the air wash away the adrenaline inside my body, substance that still kept my heart beating. I got down the Mobile suit and felt the ground below my feet. I let my body fall to the ground and sat there, closing my eyes. I looked for a safe place but couldn't find any. This was strange: I've received a signal saying that I should get back to the Minerva immediately. **The Minerva? Is that... this Mobile suit's mother ship? Maybe I should go... **I slowly got back in the GINN and started the engine and flew in the direction of this so called Minerva, trying to localize this ship. When I localized it, I saw a huge, but a huge ship waiting at the docks, ready to launch. Its hatch was open so I flew for it and entered the metal safe house. My head was pounding so strong I had to fight again the darkness now. I placed myself in the hangar and couldn't wait to get off anymore. My vision was blurred and I had this pain in my head that was overwhelming. I got off the GINN and could hear gasps and whispers, though my ears were pounding.

"Who are you and what do you want?" screamed a woman with a face I couldn't see. She was wearing a red Elite uniform but I couldn't distinct anything else. I felt on my knees and tried to get up again but I couldn't. She quickly grabbed a gun and pointed it at me. "I repeat: who are you and what the fuck do you want?" I couldn't answer. I was too weak to do so. I tried to get my hand up for her to understand I didn't mean harm but it stayed in place, not moving an inch. "No! Don't shoot! She's with us!" I could hear Cagalli's voice echoing in the hangar, her footsteps closing in to me. "Cagalli... Cagalli..." I could only whisper her name at that point, my voice fading away.

"Leave her be! We don't know who she is and that's the same for you, missy! I can clearly see you're not military personnel, so shut it!" said the Elite, pointing the gun at the Orb's Representative and at her bodyguard. "But...! Look! She badly injured! Do something!" screamed Cagalli, pointing her finger at me. The Elite was losing her patience and aimed the gun at my sister's head, Athrun stepping before her.

"Put down your guns. This person is Representative Cagalli Yula Atha and that woman..." he pointed his finger at me, "... Is Kim Desjardins, Executive, also of the nation of Orb. You're about to make the biggest mistake of your life, soldier." Said Athrun, walking towards me, his pace speeding.

"And who are you?" asked the woman.

"My name is Alex Dyno and I am their bodyguard. We were caught up in the chaos while participating in talks with Chairman Durandall." He grabbed my arm and smiled nervously, worried.

"Kim, are you alright? What happened? _Jesus, you're bleeding!_ Someone! Call the medics! Didn't the Chairman board this ship? I'd like to meet with him," said Athrun. I was about to fall over when some paramedics caught a hold of me and swung me on a gurney. I went unconscious at that point, my vision finally giving up on me.

I woke up about ten minutes later, my head still pounding but less heavily. I opened my eyes and Cagalli was at my side, holding my hand. Her head was bandaged and her leg was stiff from all the sitting she had done. "Cagalli...! Your head...!" I exclaimed but she put a hand to my mouth, trying to shush me down.

"Don't say anything. You've had a commotion. But since Coordinators recover pretty fast, you should be okay... What are you doing?" I slowly got up and she pushed me back onto whatever I was lying on. "Come on, Cagalli, I'm just fine. I just have a headache." I said, sitting next to her. "Athrun is going to kill me if you die, you know that, right?" she asked, crossing her arms. The military that was accompanying us was the same Elite woman I saw earlier but this time, I could distinct her face clearly. She had striking blue hair and darker blue eyes. She wasn't very much tall but she was sturdy and brave. "I have to apologize for earlier, Executive Desjardins. My name is Belva Sheen. I was in charge of the hangar when you dropped in on us. Again, my most sincere apologies." She said, bowing.

"I don't want any of that. You were on duty." I said, trying to get up.

"Don't you dare!" said Cagalli, earning a sharp look from me.

"No worry, Cagalli. I told you I was fine already." I said, smirking.

"Oh and go kill yourself for all I care. You almost did today anyway." She said, sighing.

"I was trying to protect you and Athrun. Nothing more, nothing less." I replied, earning a generous smile from Belva.

"A true warrior always knows the answer." She said, winking at me and wanting us to follow her.

Outside the room where we were confined, Belva indicated us to follow her to the main control room. Her blue hair, which astounded me for a couple of seconds, revealed to be a very nice color on her, despite its unnaturalness. Cagalli and Athrun seemed a bit shocked by the events and I was looking around the ship will we were walking.

"Is this ship evacuating? Is the damage to the PLANT that bad?" asked Cagalli to Belva. The red alarm was ringing in the corridors and it asked that all pilots should rejoin in the briefing room. I growled and Athrun spoke for me. "This ship in going out in combat?"

"_Athrun!" _Cagalli quickly looked away, Belva suddenly paying her attention on Athrun, who glared at the Representative. **Nice move, Cagalli. Now, she knows who he truly is. Weren't you the one who wanted us to call him Alex or something?** I heard Belva talking to another soldier and heard the Impulse and the white Zaku from earlier were coming in.

"The Impulse... is it the one... who... helped me on the battlefield?" I asked to myself, a bit too loudly.

"You were saying?" asked Belva, smiling.

"Oh, nothing. I was just talking to myself. It tends to happen when... I'm confused."

I was suddenly thrown against the wall when the Minerva hit something in space. I had hurt my head again and swore under my breath. "Damn it it's not my day!" I tried to get up but the crash had blurred my thoughts once again and Belva quickly helped me to stand up again. I held onto my head and walked to Cagalli and held her arm. "Cagalli, tell me where we can be safe again. Please, I need to know." I was almost pleading and she hugged me, putting my head on her shoulder. "We'll be back home in no time. For the time being, we have to stay on the Minerva, I guess." The ship was still trembling like a leaf but we got accustomed to the earthquake movement pretty fast. We were soon able to walk again and the question I had to ask burned my lips.

"Belva, how many pilots do you have on board?" She gave me a confused look but truthfully answered four.

"Is there anything else I can pilot to make myself useful to your crew?" Athrun swiftly grabbed by arm and yanked me in his direction.

"Are you out of your _god damn_ mind? You're offering your services to ZAFT, now? You belong to _Orb_, Kim Desjardins! You can't fight for ZAFT and be the Executive of Orb at the same time! Who do you think you are?" I pushed him and growled.

"Who do _you_ think you're fooling, _Alex?_ You want to fight as much as I do! You're such a hypocrite! If this title I behold is preventing me from protecting the ones I love, then I don't want it anymore!" Cagalli tried to calm both of us down but Athrun refused to let this go. "Don't talk nonsense. You love Orb more than anything else, Kim."

"You're asking me the impossible, Alex. Of course I love my country, but this is far more important, right now. Orb is safe in this instant. We are not. So I suggest you get your priorities straight. I have: protecting you and Cagalli means everything to me, at this point. _You_ figure out what you want to do."

"_All attention to the personnel: this ship will now continue the pursuit of Bogey 1. Although it has been an unexpected maiden battle, this is a very important mission. This is an opportunity to show what you've learned during all those days of training sessions." _**Oh and we're part of a pursuit too? That's nice: I thought I was here on vacation already.**

"I am sorry. I have to communicate with my captain. I won't be long." Said Belva, exiting the room were placed in, meaning the officer's quarters. I was left alone with Athrun and Cagalli and the tense coldness between Athrun and I didn't seem to melt. Athrun wasn't a very intimidating man but he had his pride and wouldn't give up on his ideals easily.

The meeting Athrun requested was in its way: Chairman Durandall was, at this instant, as we were informed, walking towards the officer's quarters, eager to meet us. When he entered the room, he gasped in surprise. "Oh my! Princess, what happened to you? And you, Executive Desjardins? Your condition is even worst!" We shook hands and he sat down, his face twisted with anger and sadness.

"Words cannot express my regret. I apologize for involving you in this, Princess. However, please try to understand our position." He said, his voice deep and grave.

"Have you been able to learn anything _useful_ about that enemy unit, yet?" Asked Cagalli, holding her head.

"Actually... we haven't. To compound matters, we don't have information on their carrier either, but it merely reinforces the urgency of the matter. We quickly have to take control of the situation before it becomes too late to find the problem." He continued.

"Yes, I understand. That sounds perfectly reasonable, mister Chairman. Right now, we can't do anything to upset our fragile world, no matter what." Replied Cagalli, her eyes full of hidden tears.

"Thank you for your words. I thought you would see it that way, Princess. You do not disappoint." He turned around and faced me. "I still can't believe you're able to stand up after such a violent impact on your head, Miss Desjardins. Perhaps I was wrong about you: you hold many secrets. How did you get such a serious injury, if I may ask?" he asked. I hesitate before answering and I looked at Athrun.

"I was fighting the enemy, mister Chairman. I was piloting a GINN warrior, of a Zaku; I'm not very familiar with the names and such. I was pushed by the stolen Mobile suit called Abyss while I shielded the... uh, Mobile suit your ship sent to attack them. It's... a bit blurry, but I hit my head hard, that's for sure. Also, Captain, I would like to thank you for your support in this battle. I would have died if it wasn't for that boy you sent on the battlefield. If I can, that is, I would like to thank him in person, if he's available to do so, of course." I asked, looking in Captain Gladys's eyes.

"Miss Desjardins, I'm sure our Shinn would be delighted to talk with such a good person like yourself. Of course, I'll make the arrangements." She said, exiting the office.

"If you'd like, Princess, I'd be more than pleased to give you a personal guided tour of the Minerva, while we have the time. After all, we are asking you to place your lives in our hands. Surely our nation can afford this gesture of good faith towards our friends." We exited the room in silence and I kept away from Athrun, knowing he'd still be overly prideful about our fight.

"...But this ship has become involved in something rather remarkable... To find itself engaged in a real battle during the day it officially launches... Isn't this exciting, Rey?" asked the Chairman to one of his following Elites. The guy that was following us replied 'yes' and kept quiet again. This Rey kid... he... seemed strangely familiar... like I have met him from somewhere. He passed before us and opened the elevator door for us.

"We'll take this lift to the Mobile suit deck." As we entered the elevator, Athrun stopped to look at Rey and seemed to have the same thoughts I had when I first glanced at him. He quickly regained his spirits and entered the lift, Rey closing the door behind him. "Think of this next section as the core of the ship. I'm not at liberty to tell you how many Mobile suits this ship can carry but it suffice to say that it's not loaded to its full capacity yet. When Ray opened the elevator doors, I felt like a kid in a candy store: the Mobile suits, Zaku, and the Impulse, were stored individually and the wires pending on their bodies were recharging their initial power. I looked around and couldn't keep a straight face: I could only smile.

"The ZGMF-1000 or your probably familiar with it as the Zaku. At present time, it's the main Mobile suit of ZAFT. And then there's the Impulse, with its unique launch system..." I looked over at the summoned Impulse and saw this young Elite wearing red around it, that stopped talking to the mechanics to meet my gaze. I stopped and stared, which I usually didn't do. His eyes, even though he was far, were red... blood red. His hair color was somewhat difficult to determine, like a mix of brown and deep purple. Of course, I imagined the runt to be small, but he was pretty tall, close to Yzak's height. He started at me also and then cut our silent communication and I listened to the Chairman again.

"...Perhaps the most distinctive feature of them all. You must've seen it in action at the military facility." He asked both Athrun and I. I let the blue haired Coordinator reply.

"Uh... Yes."

"From what our engineers tell me this is supposed to be a completely new Mobile suit system with remarkably high efficiency. Though I'll be the first to admit I'm no expert on the technical details..." he continued, smirking a little. Cagalli frowned and sighed.

"I take it you don't care much for it, Princess." She smirked and replied smartly:

"Well, you seem to be rather happy with it, mister Chairman..." The Chairman looked at me and smiled.

"Happy isn't the word I would use. To come so far from so much chaos to gain such strength makes me... kind of proud, actually." He replied, always wearing the nicest smile on his perfect face.

"Such strength... You said strength is necessary because there would always be conflict, mister Chairman... Then how can you rationalize what has taken place here? As results of your new Mobile suits, your nation has suffered a drastic amount of damage!" Cagalli's voice echoed in the hangar and everyone there had stopped working to wear what we were saying. "Representative!" whispered Athrun, a bit embarrassed.

"What about you, Executive Desjardins, what are your thoughts on this subject?" asked the Chairman, seemingly curious of me, out of a whim. I frowned and looked at the Mobile suits again and frowned, just like Cagalli.

"I couldn't agree more." I replied, crossing my arms.

"And therefore, you believe we shouldn't seek to acquire strength?" he asked, obviously wanting an answer from Cagalli, whose nerves were breaking, one by one.

"Why would you need it in the first place? Especially at this time? We made vows not to repeat the tragedies of the past! We worked for us to follow a path we can walk on to get there!" screamed Cagalli, almost pissed.

"Ah but Princess..." he replied but a voice emanating from the lower deck interrupted the Chairman. "Making excuses has always been a specialty of the Atha family, hasn't it?" I clenched my fist and held on Cagalli's arm, trying not to jump on whoever called my sister a hypocrite and a liar. The boy who spoke was none other than Shinn Asuka, the boy that had helped me during the assault, earlier in the day. He turned around to face Cagalli and his eyes, his blood red eyes, glared at her like deep inside, he was ready to kill her. My protective instinct got the better of me and I placed myself in front of Cagalli, not knowing of the boy named Shinn had a gun on him, ready to use it on her. I jumped down the staircase and landed on my feet, on the lower level, where the Mobile suits and the crew were standing. "Executive Desjardins!" screamed Athrun, looking down the ramp.

I walked towards Shinn, my fists clenched and my eyes darting him with dangerous glares. He then turned around to face me and was wearing a smart look on his face, like he had made an important point in our conversation. My eyes never lost sight of the jackass and I only stopped walking until I was about a couple of inches to his face. The kid seemed surprised that I had intruded his privacy in such a way and tried to walk away.

"Are you a coward? Is that why you're backing away?" I asked, taunting his rage. Shinn growled and regained his place in front of me, his chest proudly straightened. I quickly grabbed him by the collar and he didn't have time to react. My hand gently pressed on his throat and Athrun was calling my name, trying to persuade me to come back to him and Cagalli, but I couldn't hear anything else beside this boy's breathing. I looked into his eyes again and for the first time in my life, I've felt someone's pain through my own body. My anger vanished in an instant and we exchanged sufferings, like it was a natural way of communication between us. I let go of his collar and closed my eyes, walking away. "_You should muzzle your dog, Chairman_." I replied, slowly walking up the stairs I had jumped over earlier.


	4. Phase 4

The Minerva was engaging battle again, so it seemed. I ran up the stairs to Cagalli and Athrun and she grabbed my arm, asking me if I was alright. "Of course I am. Who do you think you're talking to? No dumb fool is going to talk to you like that." I replied, gazing at the standing-still Chairman, who was in awe, shocked of his pilot's behaviour. Athrun gave me a sharp look but didn't but emphasis on the situation: it was already as messed up as it could be. Shinn, that young pilot, ran in the direction of the Impulse and his comrade, Rey, tried to follow him but the little bastard was too quick for him.

"Shinn!" He sighed and looked at the four of us, still standing on the metal bridge.

"I apologize, Chairman Durandall! I will see to it that he will be dealt with appropriately at a later time!" said the red uniformed Rey Za Burell, running along his long gone comrade. Cagalli seemed sadden by what this Shinn guy said to her. She stared at the grey floor and seemed to be wondering if he perhaps was right about her and her family. The Chairman turned around and put a hand on her small shoulder.

"I'm very sorry, Princess. He's an immigrant from Orb, so I would never expect him to say such things about you and your late father, Lord Uzumi. The man standing in front of us did seem a bit embarrassed and a whole lot sorry about his pilot. Cagalli nodded silently and Athrun kept very close to her. I knew he had been scared of that glare Shinn gave Cagalli. Since we had once the same eyes, this burning desire of revenge and of hatred inside of us, we knew this wasn't just a hateful stared: it was deadly, pure killing instinct that overpowered this pilot. I could still feel the goose bumps on my skin from that feeling I had when our eyes met. I had the intention of teacher this son of a bitch a lesson and I would do it as soon as possible, in any case. **Nobody is going to talk to you that way, Cagalli. I promise. I am also sorry I did your bodyguard's job... **

"I suggest we should get to the main control room, Princess. This pursuit seems to have had an interesting turn of events, don't you agree?" asked the Chairman, silently asking us to follow him back in the elevator.

"You should be asking this question to Executive Desjardins, not to me, mister Chairman." Harshly replied Cagalli, regaining that brute attitude she always wore with pride. I looked at the Chairman and he smiled at me, like nothing of this ever happened. I grunted and simply replied: "I'm having the best time, Chairman, I really do." He frowned a bit but returned to Cagalli's side promptly. We took the elevator and stayed silent for the major part of the lift. Cagalli wanted to stay strong but I could feel the tears wanting to roll on her cheeks, trying to get out this useless frustration but couldn't. When the elevator's doors opened, we were standing in front of an enormous control room loaded with superiors and officers, equally trained to manoeuvre this marvellous piece of a warship. Chairman Durandall walked onwards first and Talia Gladys turned around, surprised. "Chairman!" she exclaimed, her eyes round.

"May I ask a favour?" he asked, always wearing that bright smile of his that really was getting on my nerves. "I would like to invite our honoured guest from Orb to join us on the bridge of the Minerva." He demanded, getting's everyone's attention. Captain Gladys frowned and seemed to think for the slightest moment, not sure that this was a good idea to invite possible enemies to see their battle strategies, live in action. "But that's..." she replied but the Chairman cut her right off.

"I'm sure you're aware that both the Representative and the Executive of Orb have experienced many battles and the Princess actually took command of a warship during the previous war. I'd like to have her perspective as she observes our combat methods." There was a silence in the room that couldn't be anything else but confusion from the crew and the Captain. I looked down on a red headed girl sitting at the right of the Captain and her bright grey eyes showed misunderstanding and a little bit of anger, actually. I smiled to her and she quickly changed attitude, smiling back at me.

"Very well, if that's how you feel, mister Chairman." Said the Captain, nodding positively.

"Thank you, Talia." He replied. We sat on the row of four seats behind the Captain and Cagalli decided to be in the middle, separating Athrun and I from an embarrassing position and exempting the possibilities of us having a throw down in the middle of space. "6000 to target." Replied the first officer, giving the Captain the alarm.

"Lower the bridge! Prepare the ship to fight anti-mobile suit combat!" she replied, giving the orders. The bridge suddenly shook and slowly lowered, making the three of us nervous, all of a sudden. "Tell Belva Sheen to also join the battle." Asked the Captain to the red haired girl named Meyrin. "All done." She replied.

"The target is maintaining course. The distance is 2700." Said the second officer.

"Alright. Zaku, Impulse, launch!" ordered Captain Gladys, her harsh voice emanating in the control room. There was a long pause and I couldn't look anywhere else but out the big glass dome separating the Minerva's bridge from the infinite space. Athrun was a bit troubled and couldn't help but to stare at the Chairman, for what known reasons. "Bogey 1, uh? I wonder what its true name is. A name reflects its owner's nature... but if the name is really a fake... If something goes by a false name, would it mean that the thing is also false by nature? Is that right, Alex? Or is it Athrun Zala?" I gasped and Cagalli grabbed Athrun's arm, this one totally petrified by what the Chairman had just said to him.

"Any change in the enemy's vessel yet?" asked the first officer, breaking the silence.

"No change. Bearings and velocity are unchanged." Replied the seconds officer and pilot, making the Minerva change direction.

"Alright. Load launcher One and Launcher six, number One through Four, with the dispar! Activate the CIWS and the Tristan! We'll get them this time!" screamed the first officer again. I glared at the Chairman and froze. He knew I wasn't going to just laugh at this situation and just shrug it away. Athrun tried to grab my arm but I rose from my seat and almost pointing my finger at him. "Who are you to sound so convincing, mister Chairman?" I asked, earning a slap on my arm by Cagalli. I looked at her and continued the glaring towards Chairman Durandall. He seemed surprised and also rose up.

"I think that we should talk to same height, don't you think? It's important to talk eyes in eyes, face to face, so we can both be equal in this conversation." He replied. Of course, he was much taller than me even standing up so I walked to him and sneered. "I am hearing you talk since I got on this ship and I don't like your sense of superiority over my Representative and her bodyguard. I suggest you keep it on neutral." I said, regaining my calm demeanour. He stared in my eyes and smiled for the longest time before he replied: "You are a strong, fiery, courageous woman, Kim Desjardins. I don't know anybody who would stand you to me like you just did. I call this loyalty, pure loyalty towards your friends. They are lucky to have you." He said, regaining his seat. I sighed and regained mine too, closing my eyes. I could feel Cagalli's stress overpower her but the Chairman spoke, cutting her thoughts.

"There is no need to worry, Representative Atha. I have no intention of questioning him. I am already fully aware of the situation. Even about the action taken by Former Chairman Canaver for all of you. However..." he looked at Athrun. "If we are to talk, I'd like to talk with the real you, Athrun." He turned around to face me. "And as for you... I assure you: you would make a wise, thoughtful and loyal ZAFT soldier." He smiled. My blood was boiling in my veins, his voice resonating in my mind, echoing.

"Impulse: 1400 to Bogey 1. They didn't even change their bearings yet...! What's going on? Do they have something planned?" asked the first officer again, confused and lost about the situation. What on Earth was Bogey 1 doing? If they were aware of the pursuit, why weren't they attacking? My thoughts connected with Athrun's and Cagalli was trying her best not to be overwhelmed with her feelings. I gasped and rose from my chair like a lily in spring. "_Shit! It's a decoy!"_ I screamed, making everyone nervous except for Captain Gladys. As soon as we detected their true strategy, the three Mobile suits attacked and Lunamaria Hawke and Shinn Asuka, making the instruments of the bridge go wild.

"We've lost Bogey 1's signal!" said the first officer.

"Three heat signals at Yellow 60, alpha! It's those machines: the Chaos, the Gaia and Abyss!" screamed Meyrin, her high, pitchy voice resonating in the control room.

"What?" replied the second, turning around to face Captain Gladys. "Locate the enemies: locate Bogey 1!" He voice was trying to stay low, but her pitch was high enough for us to notice.

"Heat signature detected at Blue 18, Mark 9, Charlie! It's Bogey 1! Distance: 500!" screamed the second officer, looking straight at the Captain's stressed face. "There are two Mobile suits coming in our direction, behind us! They've locked on to us!" I looked at Cagalli and Athrun: they were too concentrated to even notice something was totally off about this situation. "Launch the anti-beam mines! Turn thirty degrees to port! Target with the Tristan!" screamed Talia, gripping her seat arms with her hands.

"We can't! Mobile suits at Orange 22, Delta!" **Damn it! What's it going to take to get out of this mess? They're so slow at analyzing things, it's not even possible! Why aren't they giving it their all? **The Captain shook her head in disbelief and turned around to look at the Chairman, who seemed calm and reserved, unlike Cagalli, who was almost trembling. Athrun tried to reassure her but her state of mind was in too deep of a confusion to even be disturbed. "Engines at maximum! Go around the asteroid: we'll use it as a shield!" ordered Captain Gladys. The pilot steered at maximum and the Minerva flew around an enormous piece of floating rock expertly. The attack begun: the missiles launched by Bogey 1 were intercepted by the anti-beam mines and crashed into the asteroid. The Minerva took a leap and the bridge was shook by the violent explosions.

"Meyrin, order Shinn and the others to retreat back to the ship! All the remaining units should also be prepared to launch! Malik, make good use of the asteroid's surface terrain to avoid a direct hit to our ship. Arthur, prepare to return fire!" screamed Talia. Cagalli almost fell out of her seat and Athrun grabbed her arm so she wouldn't. The ship was being shook so violently that, for the first time in my life, I had nausea.

"Launcher Five! Launcher Ten: fire!" screamed Arthur, the first officer. I caught glance of the stare the Chairman was giving me and I took a deep breath and regained my calm behaviour, sitting straight on my seat, even though it was more difficult that I had envisioned. He was still staring at me and I grunted, making Cagalli even more nervous. "We can't do anything as long as they're on our back! Can't we pull around?" asked the impatient Captain, waiting for an answer from her pilot. "It's impossible! Dodging is all I can manage right now!" replied the pilot, Malik. "What about Rey's Zaku?" he asked back. "At this rate, we can't even open up a launch vector for him!" The hits we were taking were now almost unbearable and we were tossed around like laundry in a dryer. "At this rate, we can't even use half of our weapons!" screamed Talia, overpowered by her stress.

"Our attacks aren't reaching them because the rock fragments are getting in the way!" screamed Arthur, letting his military casqued fall on the ground. "Missiles approaching! Six of them!" screamed Arthur, looking at the Captain. She couldn't help but to reply: "Shoot! Shoot them down!" I closed my eyes as the situation worsen my guilt: I was useless and so was Athrun. I opened my eyes and looked at the monitor. **But... they're...!**

"We are not their direct target!" I replied.

"This isn't good! _Please pull away the ship from the asteroid_!" Athrun screamed, taking the Captain by surprise. But it was too late: the missiles hit the sides of the asteroid and a shower of rocks fell on the Minerva, shaking the bridge even more so, the crew screaming for their lives. "Captain! The starboard side is..." tried Arthur, but he couldn't finish. "Head out! Pitch 15 degrees!" I could see the second waves of missiles approaching, out the bay window. Cagalli was holding on to her injured head and Athrun was gripping his seat like a maniac. "Reduce thrust by 20%!" Huge chucks of asteroids fell before us and I stood up to have a better view, though it was still hard to stand up even. I had to hold on the ramp to secure my standing position as the Minerva was showered with granite. "Thrusters One through Six have been damaged! Captain, we won't even be able to manoeuvre the Minerva, at this rate...!"

"Our course is decaying!" screamed Malik, trying his best to keep us out of evident trouble.

"There's another Mobile suit... no, Mobile armour coming our way!" screamed Meyrin, calculating the distance between us and the foe. The Captain looked at everyone and made a crucial decision. She took the phone linked to her seat and called in the hangar. "Abes. Launch Rey." I could hear, at the other end of the line, the man saying that the catapult was broken. "I don't give a crap if he walks the way or not! Get him out!"

The Chairman stood up and asked the question I had restrained myself from asking: "Doesn't this ship have any more Mobile suits?" His harsh voice was now meaning on the bridge and the Captain turned around and glared. "We don't have any more pilots!" she exclaimed. The crew was trying their ass off finding another plausible solution to get out of this mess and I clutched my fists and teeth, trying to control myself. _"We don't have any more pilots!" _**I... I don't want to be useless... **

"How many of the starboard thrusters do we still have?" asked Athrun. The Captain hesitated to reply but Durandall gave his approbation. She nodded and replied: "We still have six. But even if we use them out of here, we'll be just a target again." She replied, turning around again. "At the same time, fire all of your starboard armaments at the asteroid. Push this ship out with the force of the explosion along with all of the surrounding rocks." Said Athrun. "Don't be silly! I we do that... the hull of the Minerva..." tried Arthur, but Athrun cut him right off. "Getting out of this situation is of higher priority, damn it!" he replied, shutting that poor Arthur's mouth. Athrun was now being started at and I smiled at him, making him more comfortable.

"Talia..." said the Chairman.

"He's right! All right: let's give it a try." She simply said, smiling at the three of us. "Prepare all armaments on the starboard side for firing! Fire them simultaneously while we initiate maximum thrust on the starboard thrusters. Match the timing!"

"Bogey 1 at distance 150!" I closed my eyes and held on Cagalli's hand.

"All hands, brace for shockwave impact! Here we go! Starboard thrusters at maximum!" The violence of the shockwave was such that I fell out of my seat, Cagalli on top of me. "Fire at Bogey 1!" screamed Talia, her voice raspy. "Fire!" The Igenstellung beam headed towards the enemy's ship, destroying half of its hull. We passed right beside the fucking Bogey 1 and could see the smoke emanating from it. I looked outside and saw the withdraw signals coming from Bogey 1. We could finally breathe on the bridge, the tension leading off. I whipped the seat off of my forehead and the Captain sighed in relief. I looked at Athrun and simply said: "Thank you.", whispering. He nodded and looked back onwards.

"Our Mobile suits are critically low on power..." said Meyrin, her weak voice reaching the Captain. The engines on the Minerva were critically damaged, unusable. "Captain Gladys... We've done enough for now. Let's try another plan. I can't afford to keep our guests around any longer. The Captain sighed again and looked at Cagalli. "I apologize... for this dangerous situation." She gave the orders of retreat and I closed my eyes and rubbed my stomach. The bridge slowly got back to its original position and we rose, a bit woolly from earlier. "I'm really sorry, Representative Atha." He said, sorrow in his eyes.

"Oh really, I fine. But I am also disappointed that things turned out this way." We walked in the long corridor from the control room and I unzipped my jacket a bit. Talia Gladys also joined us in a walk and Cagalli turned around to face the Chairman. "I shall pray from the bottom of my heart that this situation is resolved as soon as possible."

"Thank you very much." The Chairman replied, smiling. I saw Meyrin from my side and turned around to face her. She was very thin, I noticed, and very short. She looked like a porcelain doll and her eyes caught my gaze. "Oh my! Executive Desjardins! I hope you haven't been too scared!" she said, almost giggling. I let Athrun and Cagalli walk onwards and I rejoined with little Meyrin so we could properly introduce each other. "I guess I should properly introduce myself: my name is Kim Desjardins, I am glad we can talk." She blushed and saluted me.

"My name is Meyrin Hawke. I am in charge of the CIC of the Minerva. I have to say you are one great passenger, Miss Desjardins. You have a stomach made of steel. You didn't even move during the attack. You were sitting still on your seat, without even swallowing. Of course, when Representative Atha fell on you, you had no other choice to..." she wanted to continue but I noticed the pilots coming out from the hangar behind her, walking towards us. There was a medium sized girl that looked like Meyrin with only a couple of differences to separate them apart. Rey Za Burrell came along with Belva and this one waved hello at me shamelessly. "Kim! You're here! Did you see us? _This was amazing!_" she exclaimed, her high pitch voice resonating in the corridor. Her blue hair was a bit sweaty and her face a little red, but she seemed okay enough. "Belva, Lunamaria, Rey! Oh, Shinn, you're here too!" said Meyrin, walking along to them. Shinn Asuka got out of the elevator and immediately noticed my presence. He stared for the longest moment: he seemed to have a talent for analyzing people's emotions because he gave me a confused look.

"Executive Desjardins! Are you alright? Are you hurt?" asked Lunamaria, Meyrin's sister. I nodded silently and she smiled back. "Well, of course you're alright. You are the Executive of Orb, after all." At the sound of the word 'Orb', Shinn's face turned sour and he looked away. "Anyway, what do you think about our strategy and about our skills? Pretty impressive, ah?" asked Belva but I was totally out of whack from that kid's intense gaze. "Yeah... you were great... out there." I managed to say, earning a strong reaction from both Lunamaria and Belva. I closed my eyes and remembered when I used to pilot, how good it was to feel the complete freedom on my skin. "What do you think about Shinn's performance?" asked Rey, seemingly interested, all of a sudden. I frowned and thought for a moment.

"His skills are great, surely." I replied, earning an almost-smile coming from Shinn, who seemed twisted about something. "He's... You're all lucky to be part of this battle." I managed to say. The only one who I could think about was now was Seth. He had been on my mind for a while now, his presence I could feel under my skin. It was like he was trying to live his passion through mine. I turned around and was about to walk away but a voice interrupted my leaving. "So you though... I was good?" asked Shinn, walking towards me. I tried to keep distance with him because I didn't know what he was capable of achieving, knowing he could almost kill with one single glare. His red eyes didn't show that much hatred now: it seemed like they were... demonstrating compassion, understanding, even a little happiness. I closed my eyes and I offered him to shake hands.

"You were great. I haven't been formally introduced... My name is Kim Desjardins."

"I know who you are. You are the Executive of Orb, a veteran of the last war and you are one hell of a busy woman, that's for sure." He tried to make a joke. **How silly... Ugh... Kids these days...**

"Yes... well, I ought to be on my way, now. See you guys another time." I said, walking away, following the path that I took with Meyrin and looked back to see if they were gone: all of them were off except for one single individual: Shinn Asuka, who still stood there, staring at me. "God, this kid's weird..." I told myself out loud. I went to the room where I was told to go and opened the sliding doors to finally close them again after I entered. I took off my coat and hung it on the desk chair. I sat on the edge of the bed and closed my eyes for the shortest moment when my cell phone rang loudly. I reached to my coat and picked it out from my pocket. It displayed Yzak Joule.

"Yzak? Is that you?" I asked, incredulous.

"_Kim, where the__** fuck**__ are you? I tried to reach to you for__** hours**__ and you didn't even answer your dumb phone! Is it true you are on the warship named Minerva? If so, how the fuck did you get in such a mess?" _He did seem angry enough.

"Listen. It's not what you think. I got winded up in this bullshit and it's not my fault. The military base where I was supposed to meet with Chairman Durandall got robbed and attacked by the thieves. I had to do something! I couldn't let Athrun and Cagalli die, now, could I? I jumped in the assault and winded up on the Minerva, where a pursuit was settled. We stepped on mines along the way but we're just fine. The Chairman is taking good care of us..."

"_What? The Chairman is with you? This is insane. Tell me you're alright, Kim. Please." He asked, almost pleadingly._

"Of course I'm fine. I just feel... I just feel useless, Yzak." I said, uncontrollable tears flowing on my cheeks.

"Why are you crying? You're safe for now, right? What's going on with you?" he asked, his harsh voice attacking my ears like needles.

"I... I can't do this anymore. If I am going to be part of this, I want to do my job fully. I hate to be a sitting duck here and there's nothing you can do to make me stop." I said, switching from sadness to almost anger.

"What are you talking about? What sitting duck?" he asked. He would still be my dumb fool.

"I... I've decided, if the circumstances were to turn in that direction, to pilot again to protect the ones I love." There was an odd silence and he simply replied: "Help is soon coming on your way. I'll see you there." He hung up and left me to cry, in my room, alone and trembling.


	5. Phase 5

I had slept badly that night. I knew the ship was badly damaged and that the crew had been up all night because of the repairs. They were not alone: since I had talked with Yzak, my eyes couldn't seem to want to shut down, even if I cried a river. My covers weren't very thick and my skin had been ice cold since last night. My long hair was spilt on the white pillow, my eyes staring at the ceiling. I couldn't breathe properly either: it had been such a long time since Yzak was _that_ mad at me. I had missed his touch, even though he was crossed with me. His harsh voice still resonated in my head, the vibrations ticking like a bomb. I slowly shook my head and the alarm in my room rang like a hurricane of noise. I quickly dressed and didn't even care to put on my coat, leaving my upper body covered with a simple tank top, revealing the curves I had so longed to hide. Cagalli rejoined with me in crossing corridors, along with Athrun. We ran to the Officer's chambers and opened the sliding doors swiftly. The Chairman and the Captain were waiting on their respective seats, waiting for us. "Princess! I am so glad you could make it to this very earlier meeting!" exclaimed Chairman Durandall, inviting us to join with them. I rubbed my swollen eyes and sat down next to Cagalli, Athrun on her right.

"There was an emergency call from the High Council. It's... It is very hard for me to even think about this situation right now..." he started, making Cagalli even twitchier. "What's wrong, mister Chairman? Is there something going on that I'm not aware of?" asked Cagalli, on the edge.

"I am going to say this bluntly: the trajectory of the fallen Junius Seven has changed overnight. It is now on a path of collision with Earth." He said, making us gasp. I shook my head in disbelief and Cagalli nearly screamed. "What? What do you mean Junius Seven is moving? Why?" I looked at Athrun and he had the same terrified gaze I did. "I am in no position to answer that question for I don't have a clue. But it's moving. And very fast, I might add." The Captain eyes at me and replied:

"Our ship has also confirmed that information." Her eyes seemed grey from shock.

"How the hell did this happen? How can an 8 km object be deviated so tremendously?" I asked in panic. Athrun nudged my arm and lowly growled. I murmured my apologies and the Chairman. "I had information that mentioned that Junius Seven would be on the same path for hundreds of years, that's all... I am in shock and I'm scared. I am deeply sorry for my foul language." I replied, making the Chairman frown.

"How did you get that information, exactly? It's very valuable information and also very confidential. Of course, now doesn't matter, but who told you that kind of affirmation, Miss Desjardins?" asked the Chairman. I suddenly blushed and I knew I was going to be obligated to speak on this one: he wouldn't let this go. "I have... a very dear person to me working as Commander in ZAFT." I said, looking away. "May I ask who?" he continued. **Shit. **"It's... he's my fiancé... His name is Yzak Joule." I said. Captain Gladys opened her mouth, not knowing what to say. The Chairman, on the other hand, smiled. "Well, tell Commander Joule that I've heard great things about him." The Chairman then looked at Cagalli and continued.

"We don't have the answer to what made Junius Seven deviate from its orbit, unfortunately, Princess. A collision with an asteroid? Or maybe some other reason? Regardless, it's still moving. Even as we speak, it's moving towards to Earth."

"If it falls... If it falls, what would happen to Orb...? No, the Earth?" whimpered Cagalli, her golden eyes sparkling with angry tears.

"Based on its mass alone, you should already know the answer, Princess... The PLANTs are currently putting forth all of its efforts into figuring out the reason behind this and how to remedy to the situation, although I feel sorry that I have to pull you along due to yet another incident. I've ordered the Minerva to head towards Junius Seven as soon as the repairs are complete. Fortunately, we're close to it, already. I would like your approval on this, Princess." Said Chairman, earning a quick response from the Representative of Orb.

"Of course! This is a very important matter to all of us... No, especially for us! If... If there's anything I can do... If there's anything you need Kim, Athrun and I to do, we'll be more than glad to help!" she exclaimed, still hyper and stressed out.

"I understand how you feel, but please keep your cool, Princess. If there's something we would like your assistance with, we will tell you." He told her, trying to reassure my sister.

"Although it may be difficult, we will also attempt to make contact with your country. We'll also make you can rendezvous with your ride out of here as soon as possible." Added Talia Gladys, making the situation lighter for all of us.

"Ah... yes, thank you..." Cagalli rose up and we followed her outside, where she stayed silent, lost in her thoughts. I had to be scared myself but I felt like losing my temper here would only worsen the situation for all of us. It was a wise decision, after all. We walked to get the stress out of our legs and I reached for my cell phone. I thought he would've called back but he didn't. Athrun noticed my sour mood and frowned. "He called you last night, right? And you told him what you had done?" he asked. "It's not like he orders my life around like he owns it. I am doing it for both our sakes." I replied, shutting him up for now. Our walking was slow and silent. It was dreadful not to know what my sister was thinking... I probably didn't want to know, but anyway. I could only think about Yzak: I knew this passion about him would eventually slow me down but I didn't care. I loved him so much I couldn't even breathe when he talked to me. I was at one point in my life where I was ready for affection, real trust and feelings. I felt like I was ten years over my age and it was time for me to feel something else than stupid hatred all the time. Of course, I didn't have that much time to think about it after being graded as Executive of Orb, but thoughts of the last war were coming in my mind for time to time, making by whole body shiver.

As we reached for another corridor, we heard the crew of young military talk, the sliding doors opened to freshen up the air in the room. I looked at the crew and immediately sorted out Shinn Asuka from the lot, his shiny, dark raisin hair catching by gaze. His red eyes, which were spotted randomly on the table, seemed lost and tired. When he caught my embarrassing stare, I blushed and looked away, afraid he might think I was looking at him, which I actually did. His stare became a intense one as I felt he could read my every emotions with a single gaze. I tried to focus on something else my eyes were strangely connected with his, not able to break up the connection.

"And that place, Junius Seven, is still filled with the corpses of those who died..." whispered Meyrin, her voice struggling to get out of her mouth, her eyes filled with emotions.

"But it falls to Earth, the planet will be devastated." Replied Rey, leaning beside Shinn, his long and thin body not wearing one bit of stress. "And if that happens, nothing will remain. Nothing will be left." He continued, aggravating the situation for Cagalli, who listened restlessly to the conversation the ZAFT crew was having.

"The destruction of the Earth... That's right." Said a young mechanic.

"But that's...!" said Meyrin, shocked by what her teammate had just said.

"Well, maybe that can't be helped? It's inevitable, isn't it? It'll get rid of those weird conflicts and might make things easier for us PLANTs." he said out loud, sending sparks of anger down both my spine and Cagalli's, Athrun being too shock to feel anything. I growled with fury and Cagalli jumped onwards, Athrun missing her arm by an inch. "Who are you to say such things?" She scared the living shit out of that boy's body, that's for sure, sending him and his little scrummy ass in the air. "_Inevitable? Might make things easier?_ Do you have any idea what kind of situation we're in? What would happen to the Earth? How many people would die? Did any of you think of that before you all spoke?" she screamed, holding the poor guy by the collar. I was about to reach for my gun but Athrun's hand stopped me in my tracks. Shinn, still leaning on the far back wall, smirking and shaking his head.

"_Is that really the way all of you in ZAFT think?_ After what we went through all that warfare and grief, about every lives spilt on those stupid machines? On a stupid conflict that should never had happened in the first place? Did that make you change your mind about the Earthlings forever? You have officially participated in one single battle! How can you understand the realities of war? You're just ignorant children." I stated, making everyone in the room nervous. "Kim, stop it. You shut them up, now leave it." Whispered Athrun to my ear.

"It's not like Yulan was any serious about it, Miss. I don't quite grab the concept of your stupid, little emotional speech you just gave, Miss Desjardins. You talk about something you don't fully understand here. I don't know if you remember, but two years ago, you were employed by the Atha's and were working in an office, far away from the real fight. How can you know what we're supposed to feel? You're not even a pilot, let alone a soldier." Replied Shinn, making my eye twitch. **That's because you don't know the whole story, you punk ass kid.** "I say you pilot that Zaku when the Armoury was attacked. You weren't half bad, but you couldn't be the real deal. Your Coordinator blood saved your ass yesterday. You don't have experience, you have a title and it was given by your friend, who is now Representative. What do you know about the loss of someone close to you in battle? What do you have to say now, Miss Desjardins? Think I'm ignorant, now?" he asked, being the little smart ass he was. Athrun's eyes widen and Cagalli roared, wanting to punch that snot kid's face but Athrun grabbed her arm quick enough.

"You're not ignorant then: you're misinformed." Shinn frowned and smirked. "Shinn, watch your mouth. You don't know who you're dealing with right now. She seems at peace right now, but you don't know who the real Kim Desjardins is." Said Rey to Shinn, making the young man interested, all of a sudden. I grabbed my gun and pointed it at the blonde boy, making Meyrin squeak out of fear. "I'd be using it if I was angry, but I am not. I shall do it if you say what you're about to say, though. So I suggest you be quiet, Rey Za Burrell." Athrun grabbed my gun and threw it across the room. "Are you fucking nuts, Kim? Do you know what you've just done?" he exclaimed, making, once more, everyone nervous, even Shinn Asuka.

"Yes and it was the right decision, Athrun." I said, placing myself behind him. He shrugged it off and pushed Cagalli to me. He stepped in front of us and spoke to Shinn. "It seems like you dislike Orb quite a bit. Why is that, Shinn Asuka? I heard you used to live in Orb, but I won't forgive you for retorting against the Representative and Executive for a silly reason that has nothing to do with them." Shinn's blood red eyes suddenly lit, like they were on fire and he glared at me, his mouth slowly curving in an angry shape.

"I won't let you call it silly! You're greatly mistaken in saying that the Representative has nothing to do with this!" he approached dangerously, Athrun protecting us with his arm. "My family was killed by Atha! We believed in the country and in your ideals, but at the very end, they were killed, no, they were butchered at Onogoro!" Violent memories of Kira, Athrun and I piloting our assigned GUNDAM to fight off the Blue Cosmos appeared in my head and I tried to shake them off, Cagalli's hand on my shoulder. "What...?" I asked weakly as Shinn's eyes glimmered with tears.

"That's why I won't believe you people! I won't believe in a country like Orb! I won't believe in your idealist nonsense! Did any of you take in consideration back then who might perish because of that stubbornness you had?" Screamed Shinn, his harsh voice reminding me of Yzak's. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I grabbed my head, trying to chase away the blood baths and the smell of death that seemed so real right now. My breathing was laboured and Cagalli grabbed my hand. "Kim, are you alright?" she asked, making Athrun and Shinn stare in shock. "Make him stop... make him stop..." He looked at me and glared. "You shut you, Shinn!" screamed Rey as he grabbed his comrade's arm. Shinn shrugged it off and replied:

"I wish those who don't know anything would stop talking like they do." He said, passing us, his hand slowly touching, barely touching my arm by accident, sending angry shivers up my spine, bumping Cagalli along the way. His friend followed him and the sliding doors closed behind them. Lunamaria and Rey looked shocked; they never expected their friend to burst out like that to important political figures. As soon as he left the room, the images of war in my mind vanished and I was able to regain control of my emotions again. "Kim, what happened? You were having an anxiety attack or something?" asked Cagalli, rubbing my back. "I... I am just fine." I replied, pushing her hand away. I nodded silently and exited the room, my heart aching painfully. All of the things he had said about me... it was infuriating. Like I didn't know from pain and suffering of the loss of someone close to me... "That little snot brat..." I said out loud, rubbing my head. I headed to my room and opened the sliding doors, revealing the darkness in the small bedroom. I was about to change when I heard someone chuckle behind. I gasped and reached for my gun again, pointing it in the direction of the noise. I distinguished a figure in the darkness and it was sitting on my bed. "Who the fuck are you to barge in my room like that? Answer me!" Shinn smirked and opened his eyes.

"You should lock it then. I actually wanted to talk to you." He said, getting up. I didn't move nor did my gun. I wasn't even trembling. I was angry and no, more than angry: I was outraged and pissed. "Are you going to shoot me, Kim Desjardins?" he asked. I growled and ran to him, putting the tip of the gun to his head. "You say I am not good with Mobile suits but I sure can blow your head up quite beautifully."

"I don't doubt it. No seriously, drop the gun, I am not going to rape you." He said, grabbing a seat on my bed's edge. I took a deep breath and put the gun back on my belt, where it belonged. Shinn Asuka was one strange little fucker: he accused me of being ignorant about the pain of war and now he wanted to talk to me in private, slowly and calmly. "You have balls to show up to me right now, Shinn Asuka, I have to admit. What do you want?" I asked, picking out the Orb uniform Athrun had placed on my desk for me.

"I actually came here to apologize if I was a little rough with you. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I could see your pain back there, but I wanted _Atha_ to feel what you felt." I smirked and shook my head. I looked at him and his piercing red eyes were staring right into mine, cutting through every bit of a barrier I was trying to establish. "You don't know from pain, Shinn." I said, standing in front of him, my arms crossed. "I don't hate _you_. So drop the attitude, please." He asked, my position making him uncomfortable.

"Well, I do. So if you would be so kind, and I might add you're not, to leave my room so I can do what ignorant people like me do with their free time, like take a shower and change. You know, Shinn, I do this job because I love Cagalli with all of my heart. I am not someone who's not reachable but to you I will. I despise you and I might add that you don't know shit about me and that you're a hypocrite child. Yes, you're a child and that makes you weak. You're lack of happiness makes you weak." I replied, heading for the bathroom door.

"So I am weak? You think I am weak? I graduated from ZAFT's military academy with flying colors and became red uniform Elite at sixteen. You still call me weak?" he asked, seemingly curious. I opened my eyes again and smiled at him, taking him by surprise, the curve of my lips illuminated by the light coming from the open sliding doors. In the dark, he frowned.

"Yes, I am sticking with my opinion. You're sixteen: you're weak. At your age, I was weak too but I have matured and I am stronger than you, even if you're physically stronger or taller than I am. Don't you _understand_ what I'm saying to you? **Get the fuck out** before I call my bodyguard." I said to him, the harshness getting to him. He smirked and replied: "How old are you, if I may ask?" I rolled my eyes and pointed at the door. "None of your business. I said get out, Shinn Asuka. You're not my friend and you'll never be." I heard his footsteps near the door and didn't bother to look at him, though I was as curious as he was. I was about to grab the doorknob when he said: "Can I at least look at you from time to time?" I didn't answer and I heard the smirk he did. "I'll see you later." He exited the room and closed the sliding doors, leaving alone in the dark. I opened the bathroom door and closed it behind me to weep in silence.

The Minerva accelerated and I got out of the steaming bathroom, my hair dried up and brushed. I put on my Orb military uniform and sat on the edge of my bed, thinking about what Shinn had said. _"That's why I won't believe you people! I won't believe in a country like Orb! I won't believe in your idealist nonsense! Did any of you take in consideration back then who might perish because of that stubbornness you had?" _I closed my eyes and punch my leg, sending shock waves of pain throughout my body. **I had taken in consideration the consequences and I did my best not to hurt anyone! But war is war! What I did back at Onogoro was the best thing to do: back up Orb and fight, with strong ideals! But... What he said... about not believing... Nobody can't stop believing in an instant...! I... I don't understand. **I had learned that the Rousseau and the Voltaire, the warships that were accompanying us towards Junius Seven were already ahead of us and had taken the lead. Also, we haven't heard anything about the Earth Alliance, which was disturbing enough. They were planning something for sure. **Their only option is to shoot missiles from the ground... Which is not going to help.** I got out of my room and rejoined with Athrun on the bridge, where a meeting was held with the Chairman. The Chairman was sitting on his seat and we looked at him questioningly, images of Junius Seven displayed on huge monitors.

"Is there something you want to ask, Athrun? Or, is it Alex?" the Chairman asked, making Athrun a bit uncomfortable. He sighed and nodded silently."I'd like to make a request, although it might be an impossible one... Please lend me one of your Mobile suits, if there's a unit I can use..." I gasped and he looked at me with a fatal expression on his face. **Athrun you bastard!**

"I... I must ask for one too, then." I quickly replied, earning an angry look from Athrun Zala. The Captain was fazed by what she was hearing and she couldn't do anything about it. "That certainly is an impossible request. Do you seriously think that we can give you permission to a civilian from another country like yourselves? Do you want to waste Former Chairman Canaver's arrangement for you two?" I punched the ramp I was leaning on and replied: "What do you think is most important here, Captain, with all due respect? Surviving or ending up dead? I am sorry, but you cannot afford to refuse our help." She frowned and rose up, undignified.

"I can understand if Athrun Zala wants to fight, since he's had so much of a past in ZAFT's military... but you, Miss Desjardins? Why would you want to fight as well? You have no training whatsoever with Mobile suits and it was luck that saved you at the Armoury, pure Coordinator instincts. You wouldn't even be able to..." That was is.

"I won't stand for this_ humiliation_ any longer!Athrun, I can't... This is genuine insanity! They don't know... They don't know what I can do...! I'm not who they think I am!" I said, whispering to Athrun loudly, tears snagging my eyes. "Kim, don't...!"

"I am afraid I don't understand, Miss Desjardins, why you're being so foolish." She continued. I glared at the Chairman and closed my eyes, clenching my fists. It has been a secret for far too long and I was tired of being the one left behind in everything.

"You remember the third pilot who Lacus Clyne gave the Nuclear-Jammer Canceller prototype Vengeance to two years ago, before the end of the war? You all know what I'm talking about, don't even fake it. Yes, the third party who took off with that last of its kind Mobile suit. That woman everyone saw on TV that day, that woman was _me_." Arthur, the first officer, jumped out of his seat, literally in shock. The Captain's eyes widen and the Chairman turned around to face me, his golden eyes staring into mine, trying to swallow every word I had just said.

"What... what did you say...?" replied the Captain, her voice fading.

"I was the pilot of the Vengeance. You heard me."

"The pilot... The pilot that killed... Rau Le Creuset?" she continued.

"I am not going to discuss my actions. I am not Executive of Orb for nothing. Cagalli gave me that job because I needed to stay low for the past two years: I didn't want anyone to know who I was and what I did. It would be bad for her and for Orb. There. You know everything." I said, crossing my arms. Athrun shook his head, sighed and bowed to apologize for my behaviour. "I understand if you don't want us to pilot..." he said but was cut off by Chairman Durandall's voice.

"All right. I'll approve it. Under a special clause in my authority as Chairman." He said, giving me a mysterious smile that I had to shake out of my mind. I bowed and thanked him. "This conversation never happened, right, everyone?" he asked of his crew. The Captain quickly spoke. "Of course, mister Chairman. However, Captain..." she started but he didn't let her have time to finish her sentence.

"It's not a battle, Captain. Even if it's just two, the more units we can have out there, the better the situation will become. You should already know about Athrun Zala's skills, Talia. As for Kim Desjardins... I guess we will see if she tells the truth about... her identity." Meyrin, given orders by Captain Gladys, ordered every pilot in the hangar to prepare for takeoff. Athrun and I quickly grabbed the combination they gave us and put them on: we were also given a red helmet. We ran to the hangar and we conducted to our Zaku units. It has been such a long time before I could really pilot, my stomach was a tied up. I could see Lunamaria's stare on me as I boarded the third unit Zaku. The Core Splendor and Shinn, waiting on the lower level, were also staring, mainly at me and the Zaku I was supposed to pilot. I pushed myself in the cockpit and took a nice, deep breath. _"One minute until launch." _It said through communication. _"Follow Commander Joule's orders as soon as you arrive." _**What? Yzak is leading the operation? Is that even possible? **I started to breath heavily and I knew he'd know I would pilot today. "This is going to cost me a lot..." I said to myself. _"The Joule Squadron is battling an unknown force at Junius Seven!" _Meyrin's voice seemed panicked and so was mine. "His ship is in danger!" I contacted Athrun's Zaku and exclaimed:

"They're in a fight! Yzak's in trouble, Athrun!"

"I know but stay calm... You know how he is... so strong and so lucky at the same time... I'm sure it will be alright, Kim. Don't you dare panic, now. You're piloting a Zaku and you better make good impression because if we don't, we're screwed." My Zaku had been changed of equipment and was now ready to enter anti-Mobile suit combat. _"I've just located Bogey 1! They're here!" _said Arthur, trough global communication.

"What's the meaning of this?" screamed Athrun, angry. I could hear the hatch being opened and it was time to launch. "Kim, stay close to me, please. We don't know what we'll face and I want to have you around to save my ass again..." he said. I smiled. "No problem." The Core Splendor was the first to launch, followed by its multiple parts. Belva Sheen's face appeared on my monitor and she looked at me with a smile. "Don't worry, Miss Desjardins. We'll be here to assist you. Are you sure you don't want to stay here, in the safety of the Minerva? Maybe you should just…" I frowned.

"Maybe you should take care of your own person. Don't underestimate me." Belva seemed awkwardly shocked and she launched without saying anything else. It was my turned to be launched from the inside hatch. I looked behind and smiled. **I am born to do this.**

"Kim Desjardins, Zaku, let's go!"


	6. Phase 6

It has been a long time since I last came in space. I was launched right behind Belva Sheen, who seemed to be avoiding the usual pilot to pilot talk with me. I waited for Athrun, who was ejected right behind me in the same model I was piloting. It was weird not to pilot a GUNDAM; really, it wasn't the same thing as the oaf Zaku. I looked in the distance and saw the immensity of Junius Seven's moving body, beams shot in every direction by the different models already fighting. I pressed on the speed pedal harder and rejoined with the three Zaku warriors and with the Impulse in a matter of second, Athrun always tailing me. I looked behind and put my Zaku at his level, trying to figure out what was going on in his mind. "Athrun, are you nervous?" I asked, not knowing if he would answer.

"I am… it's been so long, after all… And you? Are you nervous because it's been a while…?" he asked, his voice reaching to my ears. I smirked and chuckled and he seemed to find it bizarre. "Why are you laughing? We might die out here and you're laughing."

"I am not scared of dying. I am scared of what Yzak will say!" I said, trying not to laugh harder. He smirked and I could hear, through established communication, the faintest giggle coming from one of my best friends. Athrun, without being loud and strict, was serious but knew when to laugh also. He was my bother's best friend and my sister's almost-fiancé. I couldn't find the will to not like the guy: he was simply too fantastic a man to hate. He was a war hero and one of the best pilots in the world. For some he was a hero and for others, he was a traitor to ZAFT but for me, he was simply Athrun Zala.

I directed my eyes onwards and the bombs on Junius Seven were already exploding, missiles shot from the unknown enemy fighting Commander Joule's force. Shinn was readying the last preparations on the Impulse and Lunamaria and Belva were behind him in case someone would come after him in such a vulnerable position. The six of us were already in defense mode but that would be until we arrive on the battlefield.

_**Aboard the Minerva's bridge**_

Cagalli entered the control room and was shaken by all of what was happening already: the Minerva's crew was up and going, receiving information on the happenings near Junius Seven. She groggily rubbed her eyes and approached her guest seat without looking at Chairman Durandall, her eyes locked on the far battlefield. She couldn't believe what was going on: another fight would lead to another and so on until a war would be declared once again. That was Cagalli's deal breaker with Chairman Durandall: if he didn't do something to stop this imminent threat, she would stop all communication with him and the PLANTs.

"So those forces are using DINNs?" asked the Chairman, surprised. "Yes and it seems they're using high maneuver type 2. Any mother ship near by?" asked Captain Gladys, hoping the answer would be negative.

"No, there's nothing, madam." Replied the second officer, looking thoroughly at his monitor.

"What are they doing here? Could they be the reason why Junius Seven is moving? Are they the ones responsible for this horrible act of terrorism? What kind of madmen are they?" said Arthur to himself, letting his thoughts reach Chairman Durandall. When he caught Cagalli's gaze, she frowned and waited for Captain Gladys to finish her sentence.

"If they are behind this, then there all the more reasons why we can't let them drop it on Earth. Please inform Ray and the others about the latest news, Arthur." She said, making everyone nervous. "Princess…" finally said the Chairman. He elegantly showed with his hand the guest seats and she nodded silently, sitting on her seat. "Where are Athrun and Kim gone?" she asked, looking straight at him. "What? You mean you don't know?" he asked, shocked and surprised at the same time. She frowned and waited for the Chairman to explain to her the obvious situation.

"They came earlier to offer us their help with the situation…" he said, making Cagalli straighten up, rising from her seat like a lily in spring. "They are out there right now." He replied. _"What?"_

_**Back to the debris of Junius Seven**_

The spare time we had permitted me to change several settings on the Mobile suit I was piloting, the options all out of whack and the settings adjusted for monkeys. Around us, the missiles were still exploding and I found it hard to cope with the lazy speed these machines had. "Athrun, at this rate, we'll never catch up to them." I said, worryingly. I knew he understood how I felt: the last GUNDAM we piloted had the latest technology, faster than lighting and ten times more power than this piece of junk. I sighed loudly, annoyance clearly visible on my face. "Kim, calm down, would you? Yzak's just fine. Dearka's with him too, he'll be just fine." He said, trying to reassure the pack of nerves I was. I could see afar pilots in Yzak's team holding several machines-missiles called Meteor breakers. They were created essentially for breaking huge meteors and asteroids. I could see, not too far from the site, three distinct lights coming their way. "No way! Athrun, look! It's those three stolen machines!" Proudly dancing in the distance, the Chaos, the Abyss and the Gaia were coming a long way from Bogey 1 to the battlefield. Then, it struck me like a bolt of lighting.

"They think we're the ones moving Junius Seven! They think we're responsible for this!"

"What? This can't be right! We're not doing anything!" screamed Lunamaria.

"The renegades are piloting ZAFT machines! We do too! Read the link here, Lunamaria!" screamed Belva, her dark blue Zaku pacing alongside the red Zaku, belonging to Lunamaria. The three stolen Mobile suits had already begun their attack and we were still far behind, trying to reach to them. The Voltaire and the Rousseau were already there, floating about Junius Seven as they launched other Zaku, one that caught my interest more particularly. It was tainted white and blue and I recognized it by Yzak's favorite colors. It was him and I was sure. Yzak's Zaku was ejected from the hatch of the Voltaire and was pushed towards Junius Seven to assist his own team.

"Athrun, he's alright. I just saw his machine." I said, now able to breathe properly.

"What did I tell you? He's a big boy now." His team was already attacking Junius Seven with Meteor breakers, planting them as they installed the wires and changed several settings before making them explode. As two Mobile suits installed a ZAFT Meteor breaker, the Abyss shot a deadly beams towards them and destroyed any evidence of the machines, let alone the missile they were planting in the soil of the fallen PLANT. When we finally reached Junius Seven, my heart was already beating strong, knowing it would only be a matter of time before my fiancé would notice my presence and my unusual way of piloting. After all, he had been the one noticing how much of a drunk I looked from the outside. _"Of course, you pilot perfectly, even if it's a bit blurry when you move. Well, you're __**my**__ drunk and there's nothing you can do about it…" _His voice resonated in my ears like it was real but I knew it was just my memories talking.

Shinn's voice brought me back to reality. "Arg… It's them!" He had just noticed the ZAFT newly developed models, along with Belva and Lunamaria. **They're**_** amateurs**_**… How come they haven't noticed that**_** crucial**_** detail **_**yet**_**? Are they trained or what? **

"_They are going down today!"_ screamed Lunamaria, changing her speed gears to adjust to the battlefield.

"Fighting isn't our objective!" said Athrun, trying to break sense into the teenage girl.

"We have to help the demolition." I stated.

"Miss Desjardins is totally right. We have to support the Joule team into breaking Junius Seven." Replied Ray, siding with me on this one. I evaded a beam and plunged downwards and shot in the direction of the DINN who had attacked me. The assault was officially starting. I landed on the ground and aimed the renegades around the first established Meteor breaker and shot, making the machines explode, leaving the implanted missile intact and protected. "Good job, whoever you are!" I heard: it was the remaining ZAFT pilot protecting the first Meteor breaker. I nodded and moved away.

Shinn automatically headed towards the first stolen machine he saw and it was the Abyss. Lunamaria wanted to take revenge on the Gaia and was assisted by Belva. I looked upwards and saw Yzak's Zaku being attacked by multiple DINN, surrounded. I flew upwards too and took out the laser axe my Zaku was assigned with. From below, I slashed the first DINN's legs up to the cockpit apart, making the flying machine explode in a big cloud of smoke. "There you go, bastard." Rey had found his way to the Chaos and Athrun was behind me, destroy the DINNs in his path. Yzak was speechless, not knowing what to think.

It has been only half an hour since the battle has started and we weren't seeing the end of it yet. Beads of sweat were rolling on my temples and I slashed the thirtieth DINN of the day right in the cockpit. I took a minute to take a breath or two and Athrun took my place, my arms shaking violently from all of the adrenaline I had so longed to revive. It felt good. It felt better than good, I'd say. Two DINNs were approaching Athrun and I jumped back, shooting down the two Mobile suits in their tracks: they didn't even see it coming. Since the Gaia, the Abyss and the Chaos were also eliminating the enemy, their number was decreasing steadily, one by one. But what scared me was the amount of time they were taking to implant the Meteor breakers into the ground. "What are they doing?" I had no time to think: the Gaia had found a new target and it was me. Grown tired of fighting Lunamaria and Belva, the pilot had drawn his attention to me. I jumped backwards and took out another laser axe from my equipment and slashed the transformed Gaia's wing, sending the black stolen Mobile suit backwards. Even thought I was piloting an oaf, I was still good.

"You're good… You bitch!" I snapped and dodged the Gaia laser sword. **It's… it's a woman! **I flew downwards and she followed me, her Mobile suit in the form of a BuCue. She was clueless about using that form in space: it was designed for Earth's surface and she wasn't moving efficiently. Of course, the woman piloting the machine was so furious after me she never noticed that my Zaku, even though it was slow, was outmatching her Mobile suit's speed. I took out my sniper and plunged downwards again, wanting her to follow me. Of course, she was predictable and she followed like a lap dog. I shot a couple of beams in her direction but she evaded, just like I thought. I looked behind me and saw Junius Seven's grounds approaching quickly. **Now's my chance! **I pulled forwards and shocked the pilot, grabbing her Mobile suit's legs. I crashed her on the ground and made sure she was soundly shaken before leaving her. "Kim! What are you…? That was…" It was Shinn's voice. "Concentrate on the Abyss." I replied, cutting the communication between us both. Finally, with the help of Ray, the first Meteor breaker was implanted soundly in the ground, ready to explode. The second followed soon enough, followed by a third one. Through the ZAFT communication system, Yzak's voice echoed on the battlefield.

"Hurry it up! Speed up the pace! Afterwards, we'll split!" I shot three other DINN and took a deep breath again. The fourth and final Meteor breaker was settled deep in the ground without any signal, the earth below us opened like a book, splitting Junius Seven's floor apart. "Alright men! You guys did it!" Another I recognized soon enough.

"Hey, Dearka! I didn't know you were here!" I said to him, flying in his direction. He gasped and replied: "Kim Desjardins! What are _you_ doing here! So you were the fantastic pilot that saved the Meteor breakers! I guess we owe you one! Is… Yzak aware of your presence on the battlefield?" he asked, tapping my shoulder. I stayed silent: silence is always the best answer in a situation like this.

"He doesn't know? Oh God, Kim, he's going to be so mad…" I looked at the two distinct pieces of Junius Seven falling and frowned. "We need to destroy it in smaller pieces." I heard Dearka's silent gasp as Yzak's Zaku floated behind me. _"What the __**fuck **__are you doing here?" _I frowned and smiled. "How good to see you, Yzak." I said, turning my Zaku around to face him. I knew he was angry: he wasn't saying anything nor moving. "How… How could you do this to me? I thought we agreed on this, Kim! You swore…!"

"I swore I would stay out of battles I couldn't win! I didn't swear to never pilot again, Yzak Joule! You don't own me, we're not mutually stuck together! I agreed with you not to fight again unless it was something possible and it is, right now! I don't need to justify myself." I stated, looking straight at his cockpit.

"How do you want me to fight when I know you aren't safe? How am I supposed to protect you now?" he asked, almost terrified.

"_I can protect__** myself**__! _I fought alongside the best pilots and I won the greatest battles! I don't need someone to babysit me, Yzak Joule! I need someone who will love me and that will accept me the way I am!_" _My voice was heard all over communications, making Yzak nervous and suddenly, shy.

"We'll talk about this later… Right now, our job isn't done. Athrun and I will go onwards." He snapped.

"_Athrun's with you?"_ exclaimed Yzak, his breath labored.

"We are the same. We don't like to be useless, sitting on our butts and doing nothing."

"We've got a mission to complete." Added Athrun, hovering behind me.

"Ugh… Thank for the update." Said Yzak with just the right amount of sarcasm in his voice.

"You haven't changed a bit, Yzak." Continued Athrun, trying to calm down his old comrade.

"Yeah and neither have you!" The argument was already begun and I sighed in defeat, followed by Dearka. "There they go…"

"Again." I added. I evaded multiple beams and protected Dearka from a missile-bomb coming from other enemies. Poor Dearka… he was a good pilot but he couldn't concentrate on more than one thing at the same time. He didn't say anything but I knew he had been scared of this one. After all, we didn't have the same machines we used to pilot to protect us. I took out my sniper gun and aimed at three DINNs coming my way, making their cockpit explode after I pulled the trigger. More Meteor breakers were transported on Junius Seven and Yzak was fed up with Athrun's speeches. "Shut up!" The Abyss had made its way to Yzak's Zaku and they began a horrible duel. I knew that the Abyss was a much more powerful machine and that on a one-on-one, only power mattered. "Kim!" I knew what I had to do. I took out the laser axe from my shield and lunged towards the Abyss, cutting apart both of its legs, leaving the pilot astounded.

The Chaos was leaning into the fight and attacked me with a laser sword. I had enough time to dodge and put in front of me the shield I was equipped with and pushed him back, inch by inch. "Down, Kim. Lower!" Yzak also lunged towards the Chaos and tore away its right arm, my head below the blow. Athrun followed with a nice axe-throw and destroyed the Chaos left hand. I pushed this one up again and punched the cockpit, making the pilot stop his movements. We suddenly heard strange "booms" and we looked up to see withdrawal flares high in space, coming from Bogey 1. "What are they doing?" asked Yzak, taken by surprise, seeing the three Mobile suits going away.

"Their mother ship is calling them back because of the altitude." I said, looking towards Yzak's Zaku. "If they descend more, they'll be caught in the Earth's gravity and there will be no possible way out for them. As for us, we should follow their move." I said.

"The Minerva isn't going anywhere. I have just heard from the Captain that the ship will concentrate all of its efforts into diving into the Earth's atmosphere and try to break Junius Seven even more before it lands." Said Ray, now hovering next to Athrun. "The Chairman and Representative Cagalli Yula Atha are being transferred to the Voltaire." He continued. "We should…" I could see the withdrawal flares coming from the Minerva. 'We should get back to the Minerva. I don't like the idea of being squashed by its beam, really, doesn't sound very pleasant." As we all escaped Junius Seven's surroundings, we headed towards the Minerva, Yzak and Dearka, nearing the Voltaire.

"Kim, I want you to call me as soon as everything is settled, you understand?" asked Yzak, his harsh voice now mellow and reassuring.

"Yeah, I'll do that as soon as this operation is over. I… I love you." He didn't answer back: he only sighed in relief. I looked behind and couldn't see Shinn or Athrun. I frowned but didn't look back. After all, they must be readying the last Meteor breaker or something like that. No need to worry, right? I looked behind again and saw the three remaining DINNs attacking Shinn and Athrun, the youngest one already fighting sword to sword with the enemy. "Athrun! Wait… I'm coming!" I took out my laser axe and pressed on the speed pedal and went back as fast as I could on Junius Seven. I threw it in the direction of the third DINN and destroyed it with one single blow.

"_Patrick Zala knew it all along! He knew the right way for the Coordinators and it's the destruction of the Naturals that will save us all! He knew it all along!" _screamed the madman attacking Athrun, making this one flinch at the sound of his father's name. Horrible images of Genesis appeared in my head and this was my breaking point. "Shut the hell up you sick fuck!" I swung my axe towards the DINN and crashed its right arm, leaving Athrun out of its grasp. On the other side of the field, Shinn had cut through the arm of the other remaining DINN and was pushed by its explosion. I hurried to the Meteor breaker and pressed on the final switch and started it up, making the drill implant the ground heavily. I suddenly felt this terrible pressure in my head and I look below to see the Earth pulling us dangerously into her atmosphere. Shinn was badly shaken and the Impulse wasn't moving one bit. The last remaining renegade pilot had grabbed Athrun's Zaku's leg and he wouldn't let go.

"Leave him alone!" I slashed the enemy's right hand and tried to pull Athrun's Zaku upwards but the gravity was getting so strong I couldn't move anymore. That was until I felt someone help me. I looked behind me and the Impulse had grabbed my Zaku's waist, pulling the both of us out of Junius Seven's perimeter. I was breathing heavily and Athrun was also having a rough time in his cockpit. I looked up again and mentally thanked the kid for saving both of us. "Come on! Press on the damn pedal! We're not going to make it!" screamed Shinn. I listened to the young Coordinator and pressed the pedal to the floor and so did Athrun. I could feel the Athrun's Zaku's grasp leaving my hand and my own was sliding from Shinn's. When he let go of my hand, I couldn't think of anything else. "Athrun! Athrun!" When my own hand left the Impulse's, I was sucked in the same gravity tunnel than Athrun and I followed him in the deep back hole.


	7. Phase 7

"Kim!"

My eyes weren't closed and they weren't open either. I was unconscious and conscious at the same time, but I could hear very well. My senses were shaking and I opened my eyes violently, my hands still gripped on the brake lever. I looked around me and noticed the fine blue sky of Earth, the tranquility of its color. "Kim, we made it to Earth! Are you alright?" It was Shinn's voice. "I… I am… just fine." My voice was raspy but I was alive. "Don't move: I'm coming to get you." I growled and I knew I was still falling down, the Zaku's feet almost completely blown away from the intense heat of the fall. I felt a big thumps behind me and it was the Impulse, grabbing me by the waist again.

"You don't have to do this… I am just fine, I said…" I murmured, clutching to my throbbing head. His attitude towards me was getting a bit too emotional and it was driving me nuts because I didn't want to get involved with a disturbed kid like him. After all, I was disturbed myself and two fucked up people together… doesn't always end up good.

"Would you stop being so noble and let me take care of you? Why are you always so independent?" he asked impatiently. I frowned and sighed. He wouldn't let go, this kid. He was determined. He was fierce and was not scared of anything. "What do you want me to say, then?" I asked, curious. "Well, something like 'Please, Shinn, hurry up and save me!' or 'Damn it, you bastard! You swore to protect me!' I frowned.

"You never _swore_ to protect me…?" I said out loud.

"Well why the hell didn't you ask me, then? I am here." I sighed and giggled.

"Don't take your dreams for reality, kid." He also giggled and I could almost imagine a smile on his brave young face. I looked in front of me and saw a falling green object looking just like a Zaku. I snapped and pointed in the direction of the falling object. "Shinn, its Athrun! He's unconscious!" He quickly grabbed the message and we flew lower to catch the metal body. I grabbed its arms with my hands and pulled in a bit.

"Shinn, the Impulse isn't going to be strong enough to pull two Mobile suits and its own weight. You must drop me; I'll take care of Athrun." I perfectly knew that I wouldn't be able to hold on to the weight but the thought of Shinn Asuka wanting to be my friendly or sentimental towards me gave me goose bumps and chills.

"Are you freaking sick in the head? Your Zaku is never going to last with all of this weight! You're wrong, by the way: the Impulse _is_ a GUNDAM after all: it can take it, unlike these stupid Zaku warriors. I said you should let me take care of it. You're in no condition." He pulled me closer to the Impulse and we both pressed harder on our hover pedal, trying to stay balanced. Strange lights appeared above us and it was the Minerva's signal flares indicating us their position. I smiled and held on tighter to Athrun, who had seemed to regain consciousness. The Minerva descended quickly below us and Shinn made us land safely on its hatch. "Oh my god…" I sighed, making Shinn smirk.

Inside the hangar, my Zaku was placed besides Shinn's Impulse and we both descended from the machines at the same time, his feet touching the ground first. We I touched the metal floor; I crumbled under my weight and fell on my knees. Shinn ran to me and I quickly got up, smiling. "Are you alright?" he asked, his hand on my shoulder. I smiled again and sighed. "I have to accustom to being in space again, that's all." People were running from every direction and Athrun was getting out of his own cockpit. He seemed tired and shaken by the sudden change of gravity but he was just fine, in perfect health. People around us were screaming and looking at their monitors. I figured out that the thousand pieces of Junius Seven's existence must've fallen down on Earth and cause a worldwide tragedy. The situation couldn't be worst, in any case. I rubbed my arm and noticed I was proudly wearing a nice blue shade on my forearm due to the pressure my body experienced. "Damn, I hate gravity." I mumbled, still rubbing. A warm hand touched my bluish skin and it felt good. I didn't even bother to ask whose hand it was…until I looked beside me. Shinn was standing beside me, his handsome right hand rubbing my own skin. I jumped away from him and gave him an intrigued look.

"What the hell is it with you women…!" He mumbled, shyly blushing his embarrassment away. I looked at him and he met my gaze, his cheeks still tainted with a shade of the cutest pink I've seen besides Yzak's. This young man was intriguing: he was obsessing over a simple touch that I refused and fussed, almost. "Is there something wrong, Shinn?" I asked, walking closer to him. "No, nothing." I smirked and turned my back to him. "Why do you keep looking at me?" I asked, almost annoyed. "Is there a rule about the fact that I can't look at you?" he asked, almost as annoyed. "Well, it's really getting on my nerves." I replied, turning my head to meet his red eyes. "What gets you on your nerves, exactly? The fact that another man but your own looks at you or just the simple fact that I'm two years younger than you?" he asked, hitting a sensitive cord.

"What do _you_ know about me, exactly? Who gives you the right to…!" I couldn't finish.

"I know for a fact that Commander Yzak Joule and you are very close. I've heard your conversation with him. He loves you and you love him, it's undeniable. But he treats you like a doll, not like a woman." He said, snapping a defense barrier inside of me. "He doesn't treat me like that at all! And what do_ you_ know about women, you young fool? You're just a kid! You know nothing about life!" I said, definitely glaring at him.

"I know for a fact that a woman like you isn't going to be tamed like a dog. He should treat you better and you're right: he should love you the way you are, not the way he wants you to be." I grabbed his collar and almost picked him up from the ground. "Don't talk out of terms you don't understand! _I am not having this conversation with you!"_ I said, leaving him be. I turned around and crossed my arms, Shinn doing the same. Lunamaria, who was also descending from her Zaku, giggled and looked at me like I was some kind of puny kid. I frowned and heard footsteps coming our way. I looked passed the crowd and saw the sight of Cagalli's blond hair in the wind, running our way. "Athrun! Kim!" She pushed Lunamaria out of the way and stopped before Athrun like a dead stone. He smiled to her and grabbed her arm and pulled her closer. A shockwave shook the hangar and I barely could stay on my foot.

"Oh, what now?" exclaimed Shinn's friend.

"There are still shockwaves from the fragments…This is going on all around the world…That would be my guess." Said Ray, always so gloomy and grave. Suddenly, Captain Gladys's voice echoed in the huge hangar, making every alert.

"_This is an alert: all hands brace for water landing impact!" _As soon as she finished her sentence, the hangar was taken by terrible shakings, Cagalli leaning on Athrun and I on nothing. I tried to stay on my feet but felt my body pulled from behind. I gasped and braced myself for a fall but it never came. Shinn grabbed my waist and he pulled me closer to him, his body heat burning all of my sense away. I stayed perfectly still, not wanting to aggravate the situation, my personal situation since it was very precarious. The trembling vanished progressively and he quickly let go of me. He glared at Cagalli and walked passed us and the ship had stopped moving, immobile on the sea. We were told to go outside to catch some fresh air and I followed the group, Cagalli still holding my arm, unsure I was alive.

"I am perfectly alive, Cagalli. You can let go of my arm."

"You shut up. I thought you had died back there. You just shut up." She replied. I didn't argue with her. We were in the direction of the outside bridge and the second officer, who came with us, opened the metal door and untwisted the lock. We were finally free. When I stepped outside, I closed my eyes and let the salty wind brush my skin, Cagalli finally letting go of my arm. Some youngsters exclaimed: "So this is Earth, ugh? Pretty damn cool!" and others "Wow! This is the Pacific Ocean we used to study! The real thing is bigger than I envisioned!" The older of them, Yulan, replied: "Settle down. We're not here on vacation. Why are you always like that?" Cagalli walked to Athrun and smiled.

"Are you alright, Athrun?" The worry in her voice was very visible.

"Ugh, yeah, I'm fine."

"That was kind of unexpected. You had me worried… Both of you. You never said anything to me about going out with a Mobile suit…" I didn't look at her. I wasn't going to justify myself to anyone but myself. I was a free woman, after all. I didn't need someone to tell me what to do.

"I'm sorry. I guess I should've told you…" He said, holding her hand.

"Actually, it's okay. I have no problem with you piloting again. I know how good you are. And truth to be told, I am pretty glad you went out there to help. You know, as bad as it was, it could've been a lot worst, without you or Kim and Yzak and the others, too. I'm sure the people of Earth will be grateful…" I heard footsteps behind us and turned around.

"_**Shut up you idiot!" **_I frowned as Shinn Asuka approached the three of us. "You were on the bridge, weren't you? Didn't you understand what was happening out there? Junius Seven didn't fall because of some kind of natural event! It was a deliberate act! The people who did this were _Coordinators_! _Soldiers with a grudge_! People who have lost their families there! They wanted to kill all the Naturals!" Cagalli couldn't have been more shocked and Athrun was biting his lip, trying not to jump on the young man.

"I… I… I know that, but… but…!" She tried but was too frightened to even reply.

"And what do you_ mean_ 'but'?" he asked back, still as angry. I took my every ounce of patience to tolerate his attitude.

"I mean that you tried your best to stop it from falling!" she said, back away from the angry Coordinator.

"_**Of course we did!" **_Replied Shinn, outraged.

"Even though… A lot of pieces fell on Earth anyhow…" murmured Athrun, sending images of terror and fright in my mind, like this wasn't enough already. "We couldn't stop it completely…" I fought back the tears in my eyes but I couldn't anymore. I was so angry at myself all of a sudden: I was still useless even though I helped! My breathing was labored and I was beginning to feel helpless, more tears rolling down my cheeks. Athrun grabbed my arm and I snapped it away. Cagalli approached and said: "It's not your fault."

"Only a handful of people were responsible for this, but it doesn't matter…Anyone who will remember will only think about these renegades nature: _they were Coordinators_. Do you think they'll be quick to forgive? Once they learn that…" but Athrun couldn't bear to finish his sentence. Cagalli leaned towards him and put her hand on his shoulder.

"This is bullshit! I can't believe we're down to this already, after so much struggle…" I murmured, clenching my fists. Athrun let go of his place next to Cagalli and went back to the door, entering the Minerva again. "The leader of those soldiers said something before he died." Stated Shinn, making Cagalli wonder. "He said Patrick Zala knew it all along and that the only true path for Coordinators was the one that _he _had chosen for us!" All of the other crew members and pilots were attracted by what Shinn was saying and Athrun stopped in his tracks. Cagalli was on the verge of prettification and I felt so angry for Athrun, so responsible for everything… he would have to bear the sayings of his father… alone. "Athrun…!" Cagalli walked towards the door to follow Athrun but Shinn stopped her.

"You really don't understand, _do you_?" He said to her. It was the last drop I was accepting from this son of a bitch today. I walked towards the immobile Cagalli and screamed my heart out to her. "Defend yourself, _damn it_! You're making me _sick_, Cagalli! You, a person so strong! Why the hell aren't you saying something to that _fucking_ brat? Uh? Are you scared he might know more than you? You lived through war, Jesus Christ! You piloted warships and you piloted Mobile suits! You have more experience than him! Show him what you're made of and never let go of your pride!" I was grabbing her collar now. I was so angry at her for not believing in her more and her eyes shed tears. Tears of _fright_. I quickly let go and looked away, not wanting to look at her, beaten like a dog. She took a step towards Shinn but continued on her way en reentered the ship without saying a word. I turned around and this time, he was going to get it.

"As for you, Shinn, you're probably the worst piece of crap out there as well! How can you be so cruel? The girl wanted to cheer us up! She wanted us to see the bright side of the situation but you, the dumbass, are always seeing the world with a dark perspective! Being a solider means to understand situations and to analyze them correctly, not to scare the ones around you and to act like a dick! And never _touch_ **me** _**again**_, you _understand_?" I passed right beside him like a hurricane and entered the ship myself, knocking the door behind me. I reached my room and closed the door and locked it twice to prevent unwanted visitors. I took a shower and washed my hair. When I got out, I put on some jogging pants and a t-shirt the Captain gave me and laid down on my bed, looking through the window. It was now raining and I looked at my cell phone. "I should call him, now." I dialed Yzak's cell number and it rang.

"_Hello? Kim, is that you?"_

"Yeah, it's me."

"_What happened to you? I saw you descending in the atmosphere! What the hell were you thinking? You could have died! I almost had a heart attack!"_ he screamed loudly.

"I… The Meteor breaker wasn't installed properly… I went back to fix it but we were attacked again… If that Shinn kid hasn't been by my side, I would have died. He's a weird kid, this brat…"

"_What do you mean by 'weird'? Is he trying something on you_?" he asked, annoyed and confused at the same time.

"I don't think it qualifies as such… He's… so angry… and it seems that Cagalli is his punching bag at the moment and when he's done with her, he comes around and wants to talk to me but really, he's just bragging and bitching about how his life sucks."

"_So he's annoying you? Of course he's annoying you: you're beautiful and he's sixteen. Of course he's nagging you, that son of a bitch… He likes you! Damn, I am going to kill him! You just wait 'till I get there."_

"Don't kill the kid, please. I don't think it works that way." I replied, smirking.

"_Of course it works that way! I did the same with you!" _That explained things…

"So you were bitchy because you liked me? Well, thanks for shedding light in my life, Yzak. I understand you much better now. So you must _really_ like me to be so annoying all the time." I said, giggling.

"_I can't help it. You're way to pretty and patient for me."_

"It's true you are impatient… I have to admit. You don't have enough sex, Yzak Joule." I said, knowing I rubbed him the wrong way.

"_What do you mean by that? Are you having sex with another man? Is that why you're always so carefree and so happy all the time? Is that why you're enduring our situation?" _He asked. I could sense a bit of worry in his voice.

"Of course not, dear. I am not and I would never… You would kill the man anyway…" I said, mumbling. He was officially making me nervous. Of course, I never envisioned having sexual relationships with other men than him. He was way too… masculine and proud to let go. I shook my head and looked outside again. "Anyway, is Dearka around?" I asked.

"_No, why is that?"_

"Because I don't want you to be jealous of him… He must be having sex more than you and it bothers me that he might tell you his experiences and his…"

"_Stop it while you're ahead. I'm already aware of his… activities. You don't have to remind me. Besides… I really miss you and you know what I miss the most?" _There was a long pause before he found the courage to say it. _"I miss the way you moan."_ I frowned and smirked.

"Are you serious? You want to have phone sex, like, right now? Are you blinding serious? Anyone could hear me and I would be embarrassed enough… My situation isn't what I can call brilliant and…"

"_Are you alone?" _He asked. It really wasn't a question, it was more of an order.

"Yes… But Cagalli or Athrun could barge in anytime and it would be pretty embarrassing…" I replied, my cheeks burning my face from the blush they were wearing. He didn't care: when Yzak was horny, I couldn't do anything about it. I could hear him sneer at the other end of the line and I gave up.

"Really, you like the way I moan?" I asked. I got up and unlocked the door to check outside. No one. I smirked and closed the door again, throwing my body on the bed. It was my turn to make him moan. "My nipples are hard already." I said to him, making him grunt. **Men need images, it's known to every woman… We just have to find the right ones. **"I can't imagine how cruel it must be, Yzak… are you sure…?"

"You just talk: I take care of the rest." He said huskily.

"You know, I miss the way your tongue swirls around with mine. It's like a chemical roman between us and it sends shivers up my spine. Even so that I can forget my own name." I said, smiling. I was speaking the truth here.

"_I don't want to be rude but God Kim, __**you**__ have to." _**He wants rude and raw, I'll give it to him.**

"I like it when you suck on my neck and when you move it down to my nipples. I like it when you lick my navel and that you move your hands to my waist and rub it. I absolutely love it when you trace your hands down on my thigh and that your mouth finds my pussy. I adore it when you lick my clit like a hurricane and that makes me cry out your name. I would kill for the feeling of your cock inside of me and when you thrust, it makes me…" I paused and found time to shake off the horrible blush on my face.

"Go on, I want to know what happens next." My blood froze in my veins and my eyes lids felt like they were on fire. My hands were suddenly shaking and I turned my head towards the door. I screeched and dropped the phone on the bed, Yzak's voice still ringing in my ears. "_Kim, what's wrong? Answer me!"_ I was too petrified to even take the phone back in my hands. My eyes focused on one single sight: Shinn Asuka, leaning against the back of the door, smirking. I quickly took the phone and said: "I'll call you back…" I pressed on the 'end' button and threw it away. My embarrassment turned to anger and I glared at the sixteen year old Coordinator.

"Aw, why did you hang up? Commander Joule is going to feel rejected, now." He said his horrible smirk like a golden ornament on his face. _**"What the fuck are you doing in my room again?**_" I was screaming now, my wet hair against my forehead.

"I wanted to see if you were alright, after what happened earlier… I also wanted to apologize to you because I, apparently, was the one who made you cry. I didn't like what I saw and I wanted to say sorry but you were… busy." He said, approaching slowly, his white boots clicking on the floor like a clock. I didn't know what to say. I was so in shock I forgot to talk out my gun from the desk's drawer. I could hear my heart beating strongly now and I knew how embarrassment truly felt. I couldn't keep the deep shades of red off of my face and my t-shirt was sill wet, my nipples showing. I hid them with my crossed arms and crumbled on the floor, my knees supporting all of my weight. "What do you want from me?" I asked, my teeth chattering. He didn't understand my reaction. He seemed confused and stopped moving.

"I don't want anything from you. I came to talk to you." He said, his smirk evolving I nto a smile, a shy smile.

"I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to look at you and I don't want to even think about you, you despicable son of a bitch! Why are you harassing me? _Why are you harassing me? _What have I done to you to earn such a strange behavior?" He continued on his path and walked towards me, his footsteps unsure but steady. "I will not be raped!" I said, getting up, taking a fighting stance. "I don't want any of that." He replied, his body dangerously close to mine now. I was about to land in a punch but he grabbed my hands and pulled them to him and placed them around his neck, taking support on his shoulders. I frowned in confusion and he wrapped his warm arms around my waist, resting his head on my left shoulder. I was immobile, too confused about his attitude. While embracing me, he sighed, his warm breath tickling my ear. It was uplifting, the sensation I felt. It has been such a long time since a man had taken me in his arms like that, I didn't find the strength to push him away. My breast rubbed against his chest and his dark, almost black hair rubbed against my temple. I was getting calmer now, my breathing returning back to normal. He pressed him lower half against mine but it wasn't sexual in any way: he just wanted to feel that someone was close to him. His warmness wrapped me up and I completely let myself go, his arms pulling me closer and closer. My head was now resting on his chest; his heart was pounding strong, just like mine. "I am sorry for being a dumbass." He said out loud, making me smile. "You really are." I replied, his arms freeing me from its grasp.

He looked at me and smiled. "We're practicing gun firing skills outside. I heard you're amazing with a gun. You should come." He said, exiting the room, leaving me all fucked up from our encounter. I looked at the drawer and put on a bra. I opened the desk door and looked at my revolver. "Maybe I should just kill myself, then." I said out loud, exiting the room with the gun. I followed him in a safe distance and we went outside, where Ray, Lunamaria, Belva and Meyrin were already practicing. I frowned as I saw Lunamaria handing a gun to Athrun, who seemed to have joined them. I changed attitudes and attempted to smile, after all. Athrun was a magnificent soldier with great gun skills. Of course, we received the same kind of training, but not on the same side of the fence. I leaned on the wall and looked at him shook away perfects scores, Lunamaria and Meyrin in awe. "Incredible! He's using the same gun but he's… _much_ better!" she said to herself, her hand over her mouth. When he handed her the hand gun, she looked at me and smiled. "Kim must be good, too." She said, continuing her practice. Shinn frowned and tapped her shoulder. "Why don't you let her try, then?" he asked her, almost insulted.

"Well, I didn't know if she wanted to…"

"Personally, I don't think that I should…" I started but Athrun stopped me.

"I add she's better than me." He said. I glared at him and he smirked. "Good luck." He replied. I sighed and rolled my eyes, taking the damn gun Lunamaria had offered me. I checked if the ammos were correctly placed and pressed on the button that indicated "multiple targets". When the trial began, I shot every plastic man in the head with precision and when my right hand was tired, I used my left one. It lasted about a minute and it stopped. I could hear flies. The silent was disturbing and I handed her back the gun she let me use.

"Amazing! You can even use it with your left hand! I… I just can't believe this." Said Lunamaria, her eyes shining in awe and in surprise. I smiled to her and she continued but was awfully distracted by Ray's shooting, which wasn't half bad. "You're not focusing enough. And when you pull the trigger, your wrist is all over the place. Make sure you lock it in place before shooting." I turned around to walk away but she grabbed my arm and smiled. "Thank you, Miss Desjardins. You have great skills."

"Yeah, it's a skill, but I'm afraid it's not e very useful one." I said to her. I was about to rejoin with Athrun when she replied something very disturbing, something I wanted to punch her for. "It's important to know how to protect yourself and your friends from the enemy." I twisted my body around and Athrun knew she hit a sensitive note. "_From the enemy?_ And who would that be, uh?" she couldn't answer. Shinn, on the other hand, stood still and answered. "Apparently, the Minerva is heading for Orb pretty soon. What about you… Are you going back to Orb, too?" I frowned and smirked.

"I'm the Executive of Orb. I… kind of have to. It's my duty." I said, stating the obvious. "And Athrun too." I replied, pushing Athrun's back, making him enter the Minerva again. Shinn seemed pensive and added: "Why _is_ that?" It was a truly sincere question with no sign of anger or arrogance in his voice. "Why are you both with them anyway? After all, you're both…"

"Don't even say the word." I replied, entering the ship. **I know I'm partially a Coordinator, but my place is there… I think.**


	8. Phase 8

**I do not own anything (except for my own characters) from Gundam Seed Destiny.**

Two days later, the Minerva had arrived at Orb and that would mean I would be harassed by so many people my head would turn to jell-o. I had managed to talk to Cagalli about defending herself in heavy situations like the ones with Shinn but she had clearly explained that even with all the anger his body contained, he wouldn't find the way to say such horrible things and truly mean it. I understood and apologized to my sister for the conversation he had on the Minerva's outside bridge. She accepted and did her mea culpa too: she hugged me, for it was not in Cagalli's customs to apologize with words. The bridge attached to the docks, the repairs beginning, the Minerva wasn't going anywhere and was going to stay in Orb for a couple of days. I had gotten out with Cagalli and we walked across the metal bridge that linked the ZAFT warship with the docks and stayed silent: we all knew we'd have a ton a work to do when we'd arrive back and we were prepared for it. Athrun was following us and so was Talia Gladys, Captain of the Minerva. Off the bridge, where a crowd had massed up, one person got my attention and it wasn't positive: Yuna Roma Seiran, Cagalli's official fiancé, had thrown himself out of the mass of people and passed me like the wind, jumping in Cagalli's arms. I frowned and thought. **Oh, hello, asshole-Yuna. If there's only one thing I'd do right now, it would be to stamp my fist on your dick face and let Athrun hold your arms, just to make sure you can move and that he can cut your fingers away. Oh, and you look more faggish than I remember. It takes a lot, man. **I knew Athrun wasn't all okay with that man, but he had to endure this one's hands on his love's ass. **God, do something, Athrun.**

"Come on, Yuna. I know how you feel but this isn't the right place…You're making the Princess and ZAFT crew men uncomfortable…" said Yunato, Orb's Prime Minister. He helped me with finance and was a very well respected gentleman. The others from Orb's council bowed and I looked at Cagalli, also bowing. "What the hell are you doing…?" she whispered, making me smile. "Of course, Princess, it's my duty to bow in your humble presence…" She showed her teeth but remained calm for her council. "I must say it's a tremendous relief to all of us that you returned home safely." Yunato continued, making her more uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here for this crucial time. Thank you for taking care of things while Executive Desjardins and I were away. Please, what kind of casualties and damaged have you taken?" she asked. Her speech wasn't worrying me at all: she was talking fine. The problem was Yuna, of course, always eying Athrun so cheaply, like he was a piece of crap compared to his royal ass. Yuna turned around and caught my glare. He knew what it meant and didn't look at Athrun again. Athrun gave me a wink and I gave him a thumb up, knowing it had been appreciated. The Minerva's Captain stepped up and saluted.

"Talia Gladys, Captain of the ZAFT forces ship Minerva." Arthur followed her lead.

"Arthur Tryne, Executive officer of the Minerva." Yunato smiled and did the same.

"Yunato Roma Seiran, Prime Minister of the Orb Union. We're most grateful for your efforts to have protected and returned Representative Atha and Executive Desjardins home safely." He replied, earning a obvious response from Talia.

"Thank you, but it was the least we could do, even though what happened was unexpected and unintentional and we very much regretted putting the Representative and the Executive of Orb in such danger. Furthermore, I'd like to express our deep condolences. It's a terrible tragedy indeed."

"Your kind words are appreciated. In any case, your people could sure use a rest. I know how hard you worked. Your crew must be very exhausted." Replied Yunato, making Captain Gladys smile.

"Thank you for the offer, sir." Yunato looked at both Cagalli and I, a grave look on his face. "We should get to the meeting, now. I am sorry you have to attend so soon after your return but there are urgent matters you should be informed of." I closed my eyes and reopened them and looked at Cagalli. She nodded. "Its fine, I understand." She said, immediately pushed around by Yuna, leaving Athrun and I at the back of the crowd. He glared at the blue haired Natural who was taking control of Cagalli's movements and he stayed silent. I spoke for him. "I have a taser gun in the limousine, Athrun." He smirked and nudged my arm. "You really do think of everything to make my life easier." He said, smiling. "I am always prepared to squash and unwanted parasite." I replied distinctly. Yuna turned around and grabbed my hand swiftly, pulling me closer as well. "Oh, and we're grateful for your steady and excellent service, Alex. Thank you for keeping Cagalli safe… Well done." I looked at Athrun, who seemed defeated and he stopped in his tracks to look at us. I looked at Yuna. "And would you let go of my fucking arm, Yuna?" I asked, making Yunato turn around as well. "Use a proper language, my Lady!" he whispered, continuing on his path. I looked at Athrun again and mimicked the way I would punch Yuna, making him smile.

"I saw that, Kim. You're not very nice to me, isn't that right, darling?" he asked Cagalli, who was laughing. "Thank God I'm not marrying _you_. I would end up **killing** you." I replied to him. He didn't answer back: the feeling of hate between us was mutual and we both knew it. "I don't know why Cagalli chose you over me for being Executive." He muttered, making Cagalli nervous. "Because I know how to count and unlike you, I can read." I replied, making Cagalli even more stressed. "You stupid Coordinator, how dare you!" he replied, trying to reach my arm to squeeze it. "I have a gun on me, Yuna." I replied, closing his ugly pie hole shut. As we aboard the limousine, Yuna pushed me to get next to Cagalli and I smiled. "No matter how hard you try, you'll never get much closer to her that where you are now Yuna, which is… very far, actually. I suggest you run fast." I said, sitting at the opposite end of the car.

"Kim, please. I am only trying to get my fiancé to have more of me, like I want more of her…" he said, looking down on her shirt, trying to touch her breasts. I took out my gun and placed it on my tights. "Keep your hands off of her." I said, always smiling.

"And what would it do to you?" he asked, making Cagalli blush, trying her best to escape Yuna's grasp.

"It would make me pissed. And when I'm pissed, I tend to use _this_." I said, pointing at the gun. He seemed to have understood the message well and ripped his hands off of Cagalli, which seemed to make her more at ease. She thanked me and I read her lips. It has been the trick for two years now in the presence of Yuna, who seemed to be dumber than what he actually looked like. When we arrived at the Parliament, Cagalli, Yuna and I we escorted to the meeting room immediately, where we sat around a circular table and were supposed to discuss. The world was now living a crisis and I was the one who managed all the money in the Estate or Orb. I had a vey important role to play, now that Orb needed all the help it could get: I was going to play the savior. I didn't like the idea at all, but I had no other choice. The meeting had started with boring things such as the gladness the council expressed on our immediate return and about the excited that nobody, meaning Cagalli and I, weren't hurt whatsoever. After, we talked about the damage Orb had received and mainly the coastal regions of our country were affected and that other than that, Orb had been very lucky. Howhever, when Yunato mentioned an alliance with the Atlantic Federation, I practically jumped out of my seat, along with Cagalli.

"_**What?**_" I exclaimed, out or shock and anger.

"You're doing _what?" _She exclaimed, almost as outraged as I was. "You're about to sign a treaty making us allies with the Atlantic Federation? Why would you do that? Especially now? Right now, we should concentrate our efforts to deliver immediate aid to the disaster zones!" she continued, trying to push some sense in the commity.

"This is exactly why we are doing this… Besides, the treaty isn't exclusive to only the Atlantic Federation. Certainly, the original proposal was presented by them but this treaty has purpose of uniting all the nations of the world. Naturally, this treaty will make the country concentrate on aiding the disaster zones. We were thinking to sign it because we wanted to coordinate our efforts more effectively." I opened my mouth in protest but Cagalli answered for me. "But you can't!" she exclaimed, making Yunato sigh.

"Being on board of a ZAFT warship haven't made you both realize what actually took place down here, on Earth." The Prime Minister passed us some photographs of horrible tragedies, such a destruction of multiple forests and of ravaged country sides where water had reached and savagely destroyed everything. "There are almost no words to describe the casualties Earth has suffered." My heart suddenly started pounding fast, like it felt the agony of the situation. "Then there's this…!" he showed us pictures taken near Junius Seven while it moved down to Earth, DINNs and Zaku warriors showing too. I gasped and looked at Cagalli. If they learned I offered my help to ZAFT, I would be fried, literally. "We, that is everyone living on Earth, have just learned about this." Continued Yunato in a grave voice, showing more pictures of the attacking renegade DINNs.

"How… No I don't care. Where did these images come from?" I asked.

"The information came from the Atlantic Federation. However, the PLANTs have already acknowledged that this is more or less what has already transpired. But you already knew this, didn't you, Executive?" asked Yuna, a sly smile on his face. I sighed stressfully. **He knows. The bastard knows. Damn it!**

"We both understand this but listen: this was caused by a handful of terrorists. The PLANTs weren't involved. There's a proof: as son as the Minerva and Chairman Durandall knew about this, they did their immediate best to solvate the situation by shattering the object. They actually saved Earth!" said Cagalli, trying to persuade her people.

"If it weren't for them… Then, we wouldn't be talking in this instant." I continued.

"We all understand that, but what do we say to those, the millions of people who suffered and are still suffering from this calamity? Do we just say 'Yes, we know you are suffering, but remember that Earth was saved by ZAFT?' Is that what you what to tell your people, Cagalli, dear?" asked Yuna, almost too despicable to not punch. The voices of the people echoed in my mind. I know because I have been there myself. "Why are those damn Coordinators still alive after what they have done?" or "I know they treat us Naturals like dogs and they think of us likewise!" and the classic: "For the preservation of our blue and pure world!" I shook my head and sat down.

"Right now, not a single Natural living on Earth doesn't even pretend they like the Coordinators and the PLANTs. Of course, there is a feeling of mutual hate and that's understandable. We are very fortunate that Orb escaped a much worst tragedy. There is all the more reasons why we must choose our next path with the most delicate precaution." Said the Prime Minister Yunato, raising his voice. "Obviously, ideals are important but right now, the most important decision is with whom should we share our grief with? Even you have to consider this carefully, Representative."

"Do we have to grieve with a nation we don't fully trust? Is there a price to solidarity?" I asked, also raising my voice. "After all, we are a nation of pride and of soul. We have enough means to rebuild and to help others. But right now, what we truly need is a mutual feeling of trust as a nation, a strong feeling that will unite all the people of Orb. Of course it's important to unite with others, but we should unite ourselves and our people first of all." I said, crossing my arms. Cagalli nodded but Yuna raised himself from his seat and smirked. "What you're saying is, don't take it personally, Executive, doesn't make any sense. Of course we have the money to rebuild, but what we need is to share it with the others." He said proudly.

"So if I follow you correctly, Yuna, you want us to _share_? No, that's not it. You want us to _give it_ to them. Maybe we should talk about something more crucial before deciding. I will take you as an example, Yuna, if you don't mind. People here have different opinions about what we should do with our resources. But why is there a reason first of all? Don't take me for a fool or for a greedy person, but what's the real reason behind this treaty? I know: it's because you have a preference for the Earth Alliance, all of you." Some gasps and indignation was heard from the council. "Maybe you are afraid of what might fall upon us, like the rage of the Atlantic Federation. Maybe that's the reason why we absolutely have to help. Maybe you think our country isn't strong enough, even now, and must be helped by the Atlantic Federation in exchange of our loyalty to them and of the loyalty of our services, meaning almost working for them."

"This is outrageous! How can't you think that way! You're a _Coordinator_, that's why you're siding with _them_!" screamed Yuna, his eyes looking everywhere. Cagalli was lighting struck and I was keeping a smile, even though I wanted to puke on Yuna. "Are we down to that awful argument, gentlemen? Then yes, I am a Coordinator but my country is Orb, not the PLANTs. I don't think of them as the best allies either. We are neutral, remember? We should remain that way. That was all I was saying. We should keep our stuff to ourselves for now and determine if the Atlantic Federation truly wants our _help_ or our _resources._ Is there something complicated there, Yuna? Do you have insults of personal matter before we continue? Or maybe my poor Coordinator ass can go outside praying that I am not fired?" I asked, hitting the blind spot.

"Members of the Council, I ask of you to deliberate on what Kim Desjardins just said! She wants our country to stay in a hole! She will slow us down in our development! I ask that she retires herself from the post of Executive and that she lets someone with pure intentions to lead Orb on the path of glory again!" he continued, earning applauds from the Council, Cagalli at lost in her thoughts, on the verge of crying. "Is that what it falls down to? Then I will grant Yuna's wish by leaving my duties of Executive of Orb and I will say with all the respect I have for you for all: "kiss my lovely Coordinator butt." Good day." I exited the room quickly and walked outside, where I happily threw away my Executive coat and threw it away on the ground. "I am sorry Cagalli, but I ain't taking this bullshit-bullshit nonsense anymore." I said out loud. I grabbed my cell phone and dialed Athrun's number.

"Hey, can you come and get me?"

The sunset was diving slowly in the horizon and my hair flew behind my head like a flag. Athrun always was a fast driver but I felt safe with him no matter what. I sighed and I finally spoke. "I was fired." His eyes widen and he couldn't say anything. "Why don't you ask Cagalli? I'm sure she will tell you better than I will. But the important thing is I got them to think about the real motives behind this stupid treaty. Also… is came down to 'it'."

"What 'it'"? asked Athrun.

"That I'm siding with the PLANTs, which is totally false, because of what I am: half a Coordinator. But still, to them, I'm full blooded and that makes a difference." He frowned and shook his head. He was in the same place I was, now: rejected, once again. I looked down on the beach and saw a bunch of people running in the sand, like nothing ever happened. They were kids, with two adults with them. The woman had very long, very luscious pink hair and the man standing next to her had warm brown hair and resembled very much to…

"Kira…?" asked Athrun. I nodded and Athrun stopped the car on the side of the road. I pressed on the honk and Athrun chuckled. He wasn't much of a surprise person and neither was I. As we got down the car, Kira Yamato turned around and smiled, his deep violet eyes accentuated by the orange sunset. The kids screamed and ran up to us, running up the stone stairs. "It's Athrun and Kim!" they screamed, they arms wide open to hug us. "Oh God, here they come." They rammed onto us like football players and almost threw me on the ground. "Kim, did you bring something back from your trip?" a little girl asked. "Now, now, don't ask or anything." Said the lovely voice of Lacus Clyne, walking behind the children.

"Athrun… Kim." Said Kira, his eyes shining with happiness.

"Welcome back home." Continued Lacus, smiling sweetly. "That was _quite_ a little trip." She said: everybody knew here what she meant. After all, we have been out of Orb for a couple of days… a couple of days of hell, but still. "I heard your house was washed away and that you had to live here now… Is everyone okay?" he asked. Of course, all of the children were talking at the same time and Lacus smiled, waving good bye and taking them away, on the beach. Kira stayed.

"Where's Cagalli? And how come _you're_ here, Kim? Aren't you supposed to be with her at a time like this?" he asked, obviously curious and worried. I smirked and looked at Athrun. Kira stayed silent but frowned. "Don't tell me… they fired you or something?" I smiled and he put a hand on his head. "What the heck did you say to them?" I smiled again. "Don't even worry about that. I was done with the job anyway. I hope Cagalli will not hold it against me." I said.

"Cagalli's not going to find it funny but she has a good heart: she'll forgive you." Replied Kira, not believing what he was hearing. Athrun knew that his conversation before I got fired was disturbing and that I should talk to Kira, my bother, about it. "There's more to it. Yuna Roma Seiran said something that was partially why Kim decided she had enough. He said that since she is a Coordinator, she would naturally side with ZAFT and the PLANTs." Said Athrun, preoccupied. Kira frowned and didn't know what to say. "I thought these things weren't supposed to be thought about anymore… Why are people falling back to this…? I mean, of course, after Junius Seven and everything, but… It's not a valuable accusation to hold on to."

"Anyway, she's at a meeting. She's got a lot to catch up on." I replied to him, trying not to let them think about it. Lacus waved in the distance, trying to get our attention. "You go ahead with Athrun and Kim, Kira. I'll take care of the kids and I'll see you later." She said her brilliant smile always so reassuring. We went back in the car and I sat in the back to let the two of them talk at their ease. Of course, I knew Athrun wanted to talk to Kira and that was understandable. "Athrun, you're driving too fast." Stated Kira.

"And you're a wuss." I replied, earning a nudge on the shoulder from him.

"So they all know by now the truth about what happened. Maybe they don't know the _whole_ truth. The thing is… Don't freak out, alright? It's… It's… Kim and I were on the battlefield, fighting the renegades." Kira gasped and I bit my lower lip. "One of these men talked to me, Kira." Continued Athrun. _"Have you forgotten the innocent lives thrown away, here? You're living in a damn dream world with the butchers who caused this!"_ Athrun's voice didn't match the words the man said back at Junius Seven. It seemed so reel and so harsh when he says it. It pinned my heart just to remember what I had done to this PLANT. "We helped with the demolition and they were there." Concluded Athrun, slowing down to enter Kira's house parking. He stopped the car and closed his eyes.

"Kira, remember when I asked you, that time we were both here in Orb… I asked what we should be really fighting against and how we are supposed to do it?" asked Athrun.

"Yeah…" Kira sighed.

"And you said we'd look for the answer to that question together…But… I still haven't found the answer." He admitted. Athrun made me proud that day: he willingly admitted that he didn't know the real purpose of the reason why he was fighting and that no one has all the answers. It was a question of humility and of achieving a certain amount of truth in a man's sayings. I placed my hand on his shoulder and sighed. "You're a good man, Athrun. I'm sure you'll find it." Kira nodded and we tried to smile but his face was twisted with the pain of the recent events and for the first time in almost two years, I saw Athrun Zala cry, his hands clutching the steering wheel of his car. Kira and I looked at each other and waited for him to stop. We got out of the car and we stayed at my bother's house for the night. The next morning, Athrun and I woke up earlier and left. As he parked the car in the underground parking of Cagalli's mansion, I couldn't stop thinking about our trip on the Minerva. It made me realize that all of my preconceptions about ZAFT had been all wrong.

I walked out of the car and Athrun followed me inside. We went to the living room and we sat on some chairs around a huge wooden table. I was dressed as a civilian now, not wearing any uniform or crest whatsoever: simple jeans and a tight, red, long sleeved shirt. We waited about an hour before Cagalli finally got up and rejoined with us in the big living room. She was dressed as usual, her mahogany and white uniform shiny and clean. "Athrun!" she ran in the room and when she looked at me, I turned away my gaze. "Kim, Yuna wasn't supposed to say such things… I can make you come back whenever…"

"I don't want to be Executive anymore. I know it sounds very selfish, but my situation here is precarious: I have to stay low again, to make sure no one recognizes me from the photos, Cagalli. I am sorry it had to happen this way, though." She smiled. "Don't even worry about that." Athrun smirked and said: "Good morning." Cagalli gasped and she swirled her arms around his neck.

"I'm so sorry about yesterday! The meeting just _dragged on_ forever! Oh, and I'll be in a cabinet meeting starting this morning. I don't really have much time to talk… I hope you're not…" she tried, but he cut her right off. "It's okay. I understand. Don't worry about me. Anyway, what's the Orb government position?" he asked. Truthfully, she didn't quite know. "I see…" he sighed, looking away.

"I guess, due to the circumstances, it's no surprise we're moving in that direction. Although we suffered minimal damage, Orb was still affected. I understand what the ministers are saying but… sharing the grief doesn't mean we have to join the people who are crying for revenge! It shouldn't mean we have to hate the PLANTs!" I looked at Athrun and I nodded. It was time we tell her.

"We're going to the PLANTs." We said in unison. "What…?" she replied, confused. "I hate to leave Orb in a situation like this but I don't think we should just sit around here and do nothing." He continued, approaching from his unofficial lover. "Are you sure…? Is it really what you want?" she asked. "We are worried about what the PLANTs might do." I admitted, making her shiver. "With Chairman Durandall in charge, the probably won't follow the worst path…But remember well: they used my father's name. Some people there are still influenced by what he said and did… I have to see the Chairman." He concluded, leaving Cagalli confused.

"W-Will you be alright? How will I know you're safe?" she asked. I giggled and put a hand on her shoulder. "I am going with him for a reason, Cagalli. I'll keep him out of trouble." She frowned. "Actually, in my head, it's the contrary that's going to happen." She said with a monotonous voice. I smiled and looked at Athrun: she was right. "If Orb and the PLANTs become enemies after this, what have we been working for…? It will all be for nothing if that happens." He stated, sadness perceivable in his gaze. I looked at my watch and sighed.

"The helicopter should be there any minute now, Athrun. We should get to the entrance." He looked at me and nodded. Cagalli followed us in front of the spectacular mansion and I went away to leave them some privacy. I was excited about them. After all, it's been three years since they met and now Athrun was finally going to… **I am happy for her.**

Athrun stopped and dropped his suitcase silently, his back to Cagalli. Behind a pillar, I could hear their conversation, even though Athrun thought me already in the helicopter. "Look, I know about the whole situation with that Yuna…" He said, reaching for his jacket pocket. "Uh… Athrun, I…" she mumbled, but he stopped her.

"…But I don't have to be _overjoyed_." He said. He took out the right I helped him choose, which was a nice white gold and ruby ring and took her left hand, placing it on her finger. Her eyes went round and for the first time in a very long while, Cagalli smiled with a true smile. "What…?" she said, not knowing what to say in such a situation. Athrun, taken by a violent blush, turned his head away, looking at the floor. **What are you doing you idiot! Look at her!**

"Giving a ring isn't something you spring on somebody, you know?" she exclaimed, trying to hide her evident blush. Cagalli was always going to be Cagalli, I told myself. Of course, Athrun was Athrun too and that wouldn't change either. They were perfect the way they were now. "Uh… sorry about that, then." He said to her. Cagalli, smiling, giggled like a little girl and couldn't stop looking at her hand, making the brilliant ruby shine with the sunlight. He suddenly grabbed her by the waist and embraced her in a way I've never seen before. They both knew they weren't going to be seeing each other for a while, that's probably the reason why… He leaned in and pressed his lips, always so gently, on her mouth and she immediately closed her eyes, blushing. Without a word, he grabbed his suitcase back and hopped in the helicopter. I looked at him but he stayed silent.

There was nothing to say, really. He knew how I felt.

"You always were my personal choice for her, Athrun." I said to him. He smiled. The helicopter elevated in the sky. An hour later, we were in a shuttle in the direction of the PLANTs.


	9. Phase 9

I yawned and looked outside the elevator's window, Athrun right by my side. I rubbed my eyes and sighed deeply, making our assigned escort even more uncomfortable. This enormous elevator was the main link that connected every PLANT to one another. Of course, the PLANTs technology was amazing and not even the most subtitle incommodity had surfaced. As we descended from space, I couldn't help but notice the still debris outside, the ones that had deviated from Jachin Due. It saddened me to think that hostilities would be possible once again through ZAFT and the Earth Alliance. It would devastate the world even more to learn that because of a handful of fools, we would war against each other once again. "I have told the Chairman that you two are special envoys for Representative Atha, that you made a urgent request for a meeting but given the circumstances, I don't know if that's going to happen." He admitted, turning his gaze away. "I understand." Replied Athrun, his eyes half closed. The lack of sleep was evident, naturally. The television on the elevator wall caught my interest and I swiftly grabbed the zapper, putting the volume on high. It was an earthling channel.

"… _I have an announcement to make to the people of the world concerning the very serious and unfortunate situation in which we now find ourselves. We have yet to receive a valuable response to our requests. As a result, we have found the government of the PLANTs to be guilty of sheltering terrorists. This government is a clear and present threat to us. Therefore, as forward, we will notify to the government of the PLANTs that the Earth Alliance will now take measures to use the threat of armed force at midnight, tonight." _My hands were shaking and I couldn't stop my leg from bouncing. I closed my eyes to stay calm and reserved but this was too much. I was so angry that neither side understood what really happened on Junius Seven that I punched the wall of the elevator.

"Athrun! What are we going to do?" I asked. Even Athrun was unsure of our next move.

He seemed to be too preoccupied to even have the response to my question. His eyes were full of memories, of bad memories, that is, of that last fight of the Bloody Valentine. He got out of the elevator and we ran towards the car that waited for us outside the PLANT. I tried to stay focus on the situation no matter how hard I tried to forget the event. "Athrun, what is the Chairman going to do about that?" I asked, even I already knew the answer. He looked at me and sighed. "He's going to do everything possible to protect the PLANTs and _that_ implies fighting." I growled and retained the tears from rolling down my cheeks. **Yzak is out there right now… **I was about to enter a building behind Athrun when the sky blinded my vision, turning white and pink. Of course, it couldn't be the sky of the PLANT since it was all technology and no nature. It was coming from outside the PLANT, in space. It was familiar. I had already seen it before and Athrun too. But he had already entered the building: he had not seen what I just witnessed. I decided that until I knew what happened, I wouldn't talk to him about it.

As we sat in a leather seat, I couldn't stop thinking about that blinding light. It was strange but recognizable. I knew I had seen it before, I remembered the color. When did I see it exactly? It was like the ones used to destroy Jachin Due, the ones used by the Alliance when they last used the… No way… They wouldn't have used _those_… It couldn't be possible! I gagged and hurried to the nearest trash can and threw up my nerves. Athrun hurried by my side and rubbed my back. "Is everything alright?" he asked.

"No… Everything's not okay. It's far from being alright! I saw strange lights outside, Athrun! These lights weren't normal explosions! _Yes_, they were explosions. Last time I saw them, it was back at Jachin Due, where the Earth Forces used… _them_." Athrun immediately stopped moving and shook his head. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He knew what I was talking about and he reacted the same way too because he had seen them too. "They used the _Nukes_? The _nuclear missiles_? Damn, what are they doing?" He exclaimed, punching the wall. The escort that was with us stayed surprisingly calm and tried to find out what had happened but his reception was bad and he couldn't make a call. Athrun's face was now staring at mine and he grabbed my arm and turned his head to the escort.

"I am going to go with her to the bathroom. She doesn't feel too good." We exited the waiting room and we hurried to the women's bathroom. I walked in first and he passed right behind me and closed the door, locking it in the process. I poured some water on my face and sighed. This couldn't be happening. I couldn't believe my eyes. I was hoping I imagined the lights, at one point. I told myself I was going blind or something but I knew deep down what I saw was real. After a couple of minutes and after having brushed my teeth, I walked out, Athrun behind me. We walked up the stairs we got down minutes ago and heard a voice echoing in the stair cage, a voice I could also recognize. "Am I going crazy or am I hearing _Lacus's_ voice?" I asked, ready for an answer. Athrun listened more carefully but couldn't pinpoint the answer. We hurried up the stairs and I looked around. Seeing nothing abnormal, I told myself that it couldn't be her. But when I glanced up, to another staircase, I noticed a woman with glossy pink hair and a beautiful, probably super expensive dress. A small red Haro was bouncing right beside her, speaking in an annoying voice. "Lacus?" exclaimed Athrun, almost too surprised. He saw the mirage too. **Damn! I am not nuts! Then… How come she's here?**

When she turned around and noticed our presence, the woman's face lit up with a radiant smile and she exclaimed with a loud gasp: "Oh, Athrun!" I could hear the surprise and happiness in her voice but also lust, which I found very strange considering she was my brother's fiancée. She got down the stairs pretty fast and Athrun was completely dumbfounded, his mouth and eyes wide open. She jumped in his arms and sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. "I'm so happy! You came all that way just to see me!" she continued, making us even more uncomfortable. "Don't be so humble…" I mumbled, making Athrun smirk. She quickly shrugged it off, ignoring me.

"Uh… What are you doing here…?" he asked.

"I have been waiting such a long time, Athrun. Waiting for you to come and see me…" she said, in between giggles of innocence, her bright blue eyes glittering while looking at him. I was completely fucked at this point and so was Athrun, his face in consternation. The two bodyguards accompanying her also got down the stairs and came to us. "Uh, Miss Lacus?" they asked.

"Ah, yes. I'll be right there." She said to them, her lovely voice ringing in my ears. She gave Athrun the warm gaze and smile and said: "I'll see later. I'm just so thrilled! Great to see you, Athrun. Bye now!" she yelped, walking away with her escorts, leaving Athrun and I in awe or more shock. "What the fuck was that?" I asked, waiting for no answer. We heard steps behind us and I was the first one to look back, Athrun's head way too mixed up to even consider looking somewhere else. "Ah… Alex, Miss Desjardins." Athrun also turned around and faced the man, the tall man facing us. It was Chairman Durandall, his porcelain face always in such a delicate posture. "That's right, I remembered: we are supposed to have a meeting." He said, shaking our hands. Athrun asked the imminent question (for him, that is). "I just saw…" he wanted to say Lacus Clyne but he knew it wouldn't make sense. The Chairman seemed to have understood and asked: "Is there something wrong?" I was about to say 'Well, of course! This is not Lacus Clyne because the real one is in Orb!' but he grabbed my hand, making me stop in my tracks.

"Uh, no. Nothing's wrong." He simply answered. The Chairman asked us to follow him and I started walking as soon as he mentioned those words. I knew I was in a delicate situation: I had lost my title now and I was considered a normal citizen… or more of a peasant. I had been Athrun's key pass for two years and now he was in a higher position so I had to listen to his commands. He walked beside me and the Chairman led us to a private elevator, where we stepped in. He pressed on the 14th floor button and the elevator started elevating right away. "So, Miss Desjardins. I am tragically sorry for what happened to the last Orb's council meeting. I hope you'll tell me if there's anything I can do to help." I smirked and replied:

"You don't really have to do anything, Mister Chairman, except to prevent another war. I know it will be a difficult task, even for you. As for my departure of the Orb's council, it was my entire fault. I spoke out of terms. It's interesting to see how people react when they don't like the truth and get told. I am the perfect example." I answered back. His eyebrow elevated. "What do you mean by that?" he asked, with honest intentions.

"They said something… Something I am not proud of even thinking. They… One member in particular reacted violently to the way I described Orb's situation and he… he said that since I am a Coordinator, I have no choice but to be on _your_ side, Mister Chairman, that I was obliged by nature. I don't have a problem by what insults he threw at me but the way he did think: many people think there are sides again, Mister Chairman, again with the Naturals vs. Coordinators. That's not acceptable." The Chairman seemed to be thinking and Athrun was silent.

"Don't even worry about that, dear. Some people like to relive the petrifying instants that are wars: it gives them a purpose and a reason to act. Don't even think one minute that you're a disgrace to them. Freedom is a right and everyone has the right to have it." He said. Of course, he nailed the right words just wonderfully and I smiled, looking away. "By the way, Miss Desjardins, I am glad you're safe, after what happened at Junius Seven. Thank you for your support too, Alex." He said. When the elevator stopped, the doors opened on a majestic office, probably the Chairman's. It had taken an entire floor. When we stepped in, the Chairman couldn't help himself anymore. He had to ask.

"Have you heard about the nuclear attacks thrown by the Alliance?" I looked at Athrun and angrily fumbled away, walking to get rid of the rage. "Yes, we have heard. Kim saw the lights in the sky. I… It's just unbelievable." He said.

"I know it's sounds like a bad dream… but it really did happen." Said the Chairman in a grave voice, opening a secret wall revealing a very large television. It was the news of the PLANTs, images of the explosions flowing again on the air. _"Repeating our top news. This afternoon, the Atlantic Federation and the other nations of the Earth Alliance officially declared war on the PLANTs. After making the announcement, they launched a full scale nuclear missile attack. However, defending ZAFT forces, on the orders of Supreme Council Chairman Durandall, moved quickly to establish final line of defense after the attack. The Earth Forces have now fallen back to the lunar base and all hostilities have ceased for the moment. The situation remains tense." _I clenched my fist and got close to Athrun, who was reacting the same way.

"Make yourselves comfortable. Sit down, my guests." He said. We sat on the seats in front of the Chairman's. "It's over for now, at least. Relax." I sighed and was the first to look directly in the Chairman's eyes, his golden orbs staring into mine also. "Although it's true their attack wasn't completely unexpected, it was still a great shock to me." Admitted the Chairman, his eyes full of sorrow. "They forced a declaration of war and then went straight to the nuclear missiles. This is… no ordinary war we are facing." I nodded Athrun contented himself with a simple word: "True."

"The Alliance may have drawn its forces for now but I can't seem to see them abandoning their plans just yet. In contrast, our side is in a state of panic and though we will defend ourselves, nuclear weapons are being used against us once again. Our problems have only begun." Said the Chairman, sending shivers up my spine. "…And what about the PLANTs? They attacked you; they declared a war on you… What are the PLANTs plan to deal with the situation?" Of course, Athrun's question couldn't be answered directly because it would imply the Chairman to say things he didn't officially say to his council.

"If we retaliate from their attack on us, then the world will sink once again in the chaos of war. You both know what kind of situation we'll be dealing with then. If that were to happen, and needless to say I wish to avoid it at all costs, there's no denying how grave the situation actually is, then. If they knew the full details, the people would rage and clench their fists in anger. They want vengeance. So how should we proceed? The clock is counting down, just as it did in the last war. Though this is not the first time they attacked us, they are still using Nukes." Said the Chairman, also bearing a little bit of anger in his voice.

"Mister Chairman, I know what you are saying, but please reconsider!" pleaded Athrun, his soft voice now tainted with sadness and anger. "We can't afford to fight another war. This is just too painful for everyone in the world to relive." I added. "Fighting is not the answer." Athrun continued, his emerald green eyes glimmering with the faintest sparkle of tears. "We can't let anger and revenge control us! If we attack each other now, the world will fall once again in this senseless disaster. Nothing will be gained and all will be lost! Please… you can't let that happen." Said Athrun, his eyes closed.

"Oh, Alex…." Sighed the Chairman but this was too much for my friend to bear.

"My name is _Athrun Zala_. I'm the son of Patrick Zala, a man that lived his best moments in the raging fire of war and that twisted himself out of control and consumed the whole world with his hatred. I believed what my father said. I fought in the war, I killed the enemy! I fought my best friend and even when I realized how wrong it was, I couldn't stop _him_! I lost everything and yet my father's words still linger…" Athrun was now trembling. "We must never repeat that tragedy ever again!"

"Athrun!" exclaimed the Chairman, snapping my friend back to reality. I grabbed his and it seemed to have reassured him.

"I know what the criminals at Junius Seven said… Shinn Asuka told me." I straighten up my back and opened my eyes widely. The name of this young man still haunted my memories with embarrassment and with confusion. "To hear that, it must've been difficult for you." Continued the Chairman. I knew Athrun and he wouldn't have thought that way.

"I think it's better if I know the truth. Otherwise I'd be blind to what's really happening. Again…" I closed my eyes and held on Athrun's arm, resting my head on his shoulder, letting him know I was here for him and that I would leave him in this situation. "Don't blame yourself, Athrun. You're wrong: you aren't responsible for their actions. It's sad that the memory of your father pains you. It's such a source of great bitterness for you but I suppose it really can't be helped. You are lucky to have friends to support you in this hard moment in your life." He said, looking at me. "And Chairman Zala… he probably wasn't that kind of person before receiving his title, was he?"

"No, he wasn't." replied Athrun.

"As Chairman, I know he's probably had his share of great mistakes. However, his primary goal was to protect the PLANTs, to protect us and to make a better world for his people. The best intentions of great men often lead them into making great mistakes. Sayings of such great men can be easily taken out of context. Listeners with their own intentions can take these words to ease their motives and to create something dreadful indeed. The criminals on Junius Seven used these words as an excuse, Athrun, to vent out their past frustrations. You mustn't let your emotions be controlled by that kind of thing, Athrun. Who's side you're on is irrelevant." He said while looking at me. "All of this has nothing to do with who you are." Said the Chairman, trying to console Athrun.

"Chairman… I…" Athrun said, getting up. I also stepped up but gave him some space.

"You're just an individual who wants to help, to stop war from starting. Just keep that in mind. Stop holding yourself responsible for what everyone did, for all this. But I must say I am pleased, Athrun. I am glad you came up here with such a valuable friend to accompany you. I am sure that Kim will support you in your decisions. All the people who think like you will be the ones who save the world, along with you. Some people might call me a dreamer but I very much believe dreams to be true." Said the Chairman, smiling at Athrun.

"Yes."

"Now, more than ever, we must stand together with people." He said, looking again at the television. I glanced back too and gasped. I held my hands against my mouth and Athru finally turned around, his eyes widening. _"My friends! Please… Yes, it is I, Lacus Clyne…" _She was on television now, that woman who resembled so much my good friend Lacus. _"My friends, please remain calm and please listen to what I have to say: Junius Seven, the Earth's Forces declaration of war and this sudden nuclear attack… these events are all sad and tragic. I feel the same as every one, I am as shocked as you are… To strike us with nuclear weapons! Please my friends, be calm and let reason carry the day! Hatred and anger can only lead us to more conflict. Even as I speak, the Chairman and the Supreme Council are putting their best efforts into evading the worst case scenario. So I call upon you, each and every one of you, friends and show that you love peace! The Supreme Council and Chairman Durandall are working hard to find the right path. Please remain calm during this hard time." _I wanted to vomit from what I saw: some nobody was imitating Lacus Clyne, a woman so fierce into believing in peace and one of my best friends, ridiculed by an imitator, an imposter.

"You can laugh if you want…" the Chairman said to us. "I don't want to laugh, I want to puke." I mumbled, making Athrun's head turn to me in evident warning.

"Of course, I understand your reaction, Kim. She is both your friend and I can see it rubs you the wrong way. I'm sure you know what's… going on, with this Lacus. I'll freely admit this ploy carries a touch of deceit… But I had no other options left. Her power to influence others is tremendous. It obviously surpasses mine… I could end up looking totally foolish but right now… I have need of her multiple strengths." I frowned.

"Then why couldn't you find the real Lacus and persuade her?" I asked, crossing my arms. The Chairman smiled and closed his eyes. "Time is urgent, Miss Desjardins. I don't have the requested time to convince someone that doesn't want to be convinced. I needed this woman's immediate attention. I needed her strengths right away… just like I need your own unique strengths and talents, Athrun, Kim."

"Uh…? What?" he asked, not knowing where the most powerful man in the PLANTs was leading to. "Let's go for a walk, shall we?" he asked, wanting us to follow him. We quickly got out of his office and I stayed behind Athrun. As we got out of the building, we were escorted to a PLANT transfer system and took the enormous elevator once again. We travelled to the PLANT below us, which wasn't a PLANT really: it was more like a storage unit to the PLANT. The Chairman stayed silent and Athrun and I were very nervous: was he going to have us murdered because we knew he was using a fake Lacus? Is it because we knew too much for our own good about Junius Seven? Is it because we could easily have him down his throne? When we got down the elevator, we saw two enormous metal sliding doors with two words in a flash red color: "Restricted area." Of course, the Chairman was aloud there. He opened the door for us and behind them was a long corridor with ZAFT soldiers guarding it. As we floated through the corridor and passed another door, I noticed this wasn't a regular room at all. **This is… a hangar?**

We were now walking on a metal bridge and I was getting nervous. I knew where he was taking us: since we were in a hangar, it couldn't anything else but to send us back to Orb. I looked around but there was no sign of any transportation whatsoever. As the Chairman stopped, lights uncovered the mystery of this hangar. We turned our head left and I stayed frozen in time, petrified, paralyzed before what was standing in front of Athrun and I: two GUNDAMs, their eyes looking directly onto us. It was certainly impressive to see such a marvelous sight: after all, it has been two years since I looked at one for personal point of view.

"This is…" started Athrun, but couldn't finish.

"The ZGMF-X23S Saviour. Though it has different capabilities, this machine was developed simultaneously with the Gaia, the Chaos and the Abyss. If I said I wanted to entrust you with this machine, what would you do?" Athrun couldn't answer: he was too astounded to even talk. I, on the other hand, couldn't grasp the reality. I looked at the second machine with intense concentration. It seemed like I recognized it from before… like I saw it before I came here… It was oddly familiar.

"I see you recognized it, Kim Desjardins. Of course, you have vague memories of it because it's been quite a while, but I'm pretty sure it's there, in your memories. You probably don't remember the newest details on it, but I know you knew it as the Valliant. This is ZGMF-X25S Victoire. Of course, it resembles very much to the Saviour, but had a unique capability: this Mobile suit is resistant to crash landing in the Earth's atmosphere." He said, almost grinning. I couldn't find anything else to say that: "Are you mocking me?" He laughed. "I am not mocking you. I am merely saying that you won't have to… uh… be scared of…"

"Never mind, I catch on pretty fast. I have a question, though: where did you find the pieces of the Valliant? After all, it was destroyed two years ago." I asked, crossing my arms, looking at the Intrepid. "We found some in the depth of the sea of Orb and others on the many beaches around Orb as well. It took two years approximately to assemble what we have found and put our newest technology in it. This is the result." I couldn't say anything.

"… What does this imply?" asked Athrun. "Are you asking me to return to ZAFT?"

"That's not really what I meant. I want to give you two these machines. It's that simple. Although from a visual stand point, it would appear, as you say… My version of Lacus Clyne made my feelings of what happened lately very clear. However, our society requires… finesse. The thoughts of opponents advisors and organizations get tangled up, making difficult to make anything done. That's why I want those that believe as I do to stand firm with me. If it is possible, I wish to avoid a war… but that doesn't mean I'm willing to sit back and wait for someone to shoot me with nuclear weapons again… If push comes to shove, it would be in our best interest to have power. Real power."

"Chairman… I…!"

"You both experienced the last war… and I know, Athrun, how you've agonized over your father's actions. I am confident that come what may, you will choose the right path. Kim, should we take the wrong turn to steer us right in the right direction again. You have that kind of strength. However, to do that, you will need power, unfortunately." I looked at the Victoire again and closed my eyes.

"I can't believe you had the guts to do such a thing, Mister Chairman, with all due respect. You must've investigated our pasts _quite_ thoroughly because no one knew our _real_ passion in life. Who could've known, expect for my family and close friends that I wanted to pilot a Mobile suit again? And to have this machine _ready_ for me to pilot when I need it the most right now? You must have a lot of power to have discovered that, Chairman." The Chairman wasn't surprised: he was actually waiting for that comment.

"You may not know me very well, Kim. Maybe you just need to trust me more, for now." Flashes of battles meddled in my head and I tried to shove the m away but with this GUNDAM before me, it was impossible: I was drawn to it, even if I fought my hardest to remember Yzak's wish.

"This is quite simple. I don't expect you to make a decision right this moment. Look, there's what you can do and there's what you want to do." Said the Chairman, leaving the hangar and letting Athrun and I stand before those machines that would once make us feel complete again. It took me a long pause to finally reach to him. "He wants me to join too." I stated, earning a pat on the shoulder. Athrun looked at me with weary eyes and said: "If we do, I won't be alone anymore. It will be less difficult, though I'm not saying I will." I nodded and we exited the hangar and returned to the upper PLANT, where my hotel room was waiting for me. It was late in the evening and I heard Athrun yawn. "Are you tired?" I asked.

"I didn't sleep very well for the past four days." He said, grinning.

"Me either. I am officially going to sleep." When we entered our hotel, I could not have blinded myself to see this Lacus Clyne waiting with her bodyguards on the lobby's multiple couches. She gasped when she saw Athrun and I frowned, looking at him: he was nervous. "Athrun!" she got up and ran to us, her breasts bouncing left to right, making me a bit uneasy with the situation. **Imagine Athrun. **"Welcome back!" she said, pressing her chest on his, making me smile with embarrassment. "I've been waiting for you." She said, smiling at him. He was so uncomfortable he had no choice.

"Who… Who're you?" he blurted out. "Oh, I'm Meer. Meer Campbell. Hey, but when we are in public like this, make sure to call me Lacus, okay?" she said, winking at him. I looked away and sighed. Athrun took a step back but she persevered in being in his personal space. He wished her a good night but she quickly grabbed his arm and said: "You didn't have anything to eat, have you? Probably not. Let's get you full, my dear Athrun…" she pulled him away from me and I smirked: Athrun Zala was always going to be Athrun Zala, the shy innocent folk. I waved him goodbye and he rolled his eyes, taking the elevator with this so called Meer Campbell. I was left alone in the lobby and decided to get my key and to go to my room. I took the second elevator and reached the twelfth floor within minutes. I walked to room 261 and opened the door with the key and closed it and double locked it behind me. I quickly showered and put on jogging pants and went in the crisp fresh sheets of the bed. The Chairman's words were still trapped in my mind. _Look, there's what you can do and what you want to do. _The only thing I thought of doing was to grab my cell phone, which I did. I pressed on speed dial and after a couple of seconds, Yzak answered.

"_Hello?"_

"Hi Yzak. It's me." He sighed.

"_I'm so glad you called. I couldn't sleep without your call."_ He said.

"I just wanted to say goodnight and I love you." I said back, blushing.

"_I love you too. I heard you're in the PLANTs so I'll come and see you tomorrow, how's that?"_ he asked. I smiled and giggled. "You are serious? We can finally see each other?" I asked back, too excited to even consider that he might be tired. _"Yeah, I'm off duty for a couple of days. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know."_

"That's great. I am sorry about… the other night… when…" I started. I could see him frowned at the other end of the line.

"_Yeah, what happened exactly? Who's the shit bag that prevented me from getting off?" _he asked.

"No one, really. I have to go to sleep now. I got to refresh for tomorrow: you know I hate it when I'm grumpy because I didn't sleep well…"

"_Alright, I'll see you. Have a good night."_ He said, hanging up. Yzak wasn't about fluff but his words were always the ones I wanted to hear. I closed my eyes and departed in a land of dreaming.


	10. Phase 10

**I do not own Gundam Seed Destiny.**

The next morning, I woke up with the sunlight beaming in my face. I groggily sat up and heard someone's walking in my room. After I smelled the man's cologne, I knew it was Athrun who had opened my door and opened the windows to let fresh air get in. He was sitting on my chair and working with his computer on my desk. I stretched my arms and smiled. "Good morning, Athrun. Oh, thanks for not waking me up." I said, sitting on the edge of the bed. He turned around on the chair and smiled : "I just wanted to make sure you were fine, that's all. After yesterday... I mean, it was just a lot to take in." I frowned and got up on my feet. I was about to reach for the drawer where I put on suitable clothes when a knock was heard. Someone was at the door.

"Athrun, can you go and open?" I asked while changing shirts. "Sure." He reached for the door knob and twisted it open. When he opened the door, Athrun was already pushed in by a man with gorgeous silver hair and angry icy eyes. I gasped. "Yzak, what are you doing here so early?" I asked hurrying to the door. It was too late, however: Yzak had already had a grip on Athrun's collar, screaming. "_**You bastard!**_ _What the hell is going on here?" _I frowned and smirked. "Yzak, don't kill Athrun! He didn't anything wrong!" I said, almost giggling. Yzak glared at me like I committed a capital sin. I finally understood why he was so angry: after all, it was the morning, I was half naked in my room with his comrade and my friend. "How dare you, Athrun Zala! If you touched her, I swear...!"

"I didn't even touch her, not even looked at her! I just awoken her up because I knew you were coming! Can you tell me the things I did wrong and _then_ you can scream at me?" asked Athrun, holding on his collar. I simply sat on the edge of the bed, looking at the two of them arguing again. Dearka, who was following Yzak, sat beside me and sighed. "They'll never change." I said. He took a glance at me and smirked. "How I wish _you_ never change and stayed like that all day." He whispered, winking. I punched his shoulder and he winced in pain. "Good morning, Kim..." he said. "Good morning Dearka. So, what's his deal, again?" I asked.

"What's going here _besides_ that? Why didn't you fucking tell me we were supposed to be your bodyguard?" asked Yzak, his eyes shining with anger and annoyance.

"What?" I said in unison with Athrun.

"Why would they call me of all people? Of course, you just ruin my whole fucking day again, Zala! I was supposed to spend the day with _Kim_ and now I have to stick **your** face in the portrait as well! Damn it!" he exclaimed.

"I heard about someone escorting us but I never thought... that you guys..." started Athrun.

"Well, I actually don't mind, Athrun. I mean, I get to see Yzak and my favourite perverted pilot, Dearka, too. I mean, it's been a while since we regrouped like that. I think I might enjoy this." I quickly got dressed and we exited the room silently, Yzak's arm around my waist. We got in the elevator and Yzak was still fumbling. "I can't believe I have to hang out with you guys, especially you, Athrun. I wasn't coming for you." I snorted a laugh and Athrun smiled. "I am glad to see you too, Yzak."

"Damn, the people that put us together today sure know what they're doing." Said Dearka, his pearl white teeth showing with his smile. The elevator opened and Dearka was the first to follow Athrun. "So, where do you want to go?" asked Dearka. Athrun liked the way he was in power, like he used to be commander.

"And if you say shopping, I'll kill you." Mumbled Yzak.

"Actually, I wanted to pay a visit to the gravesite where Nichol and the others are buried." Said Athrun. The blood in my veins froze and it was like someone had stabbed me in the back. I was short of breath and Yzak frowned. "What's going on with you?" Bloody images of that son of a bitch killing Seth rushed to my mind and I let go of Yzak's arms before I squeezed it dead. "I am going for a walk, actually. I don't really feel like paying a visit to the dead. I'm sorry Athrun." I said. I quickly got out of the hotel and picked a run on the street to get away as far as I could. I couldn't stand not to tell them about the real life of their now deceased friend Nichol. It would break their hearts. I couldn't find the strength to go on with them and to tell them that it's not everybody that lived a simple life: people do things that create another life of its own, just like what happened with Nichol Armafi. I stopped running when I reached my limit, which was fountain. It was in the middle of the street and it was quite beautiful. I checked in my pockets if I had any change I could throw in but didn't.

"I never saw a penniless woman before." Said a man beside me. I didn't even notice him when I first got before the fountain. He was sitting on the sides and smiled at me. The redhead looked at me and his delicate green eyes gazed into mine: he was gorgeous. His tall frame suited his red ZAFT uniform quite perfectly and his white boots were laid out before his, his long legs crossed. "That's because you haven't met me." I replied, smirking. He got up and walked towards me. "Maybe I can change that: what's your name?" he asked. I frowned and replied: "That's a cheap line."

"I had nothing else at the moment, sorry." He gave me his hand. "Kim Desjardins, it's a pleasure to meet you... uh..." He smiled.

"My name is Heine Westenfluss. I'm a Red Uniform and a member of FAITH for the ZAFT military. I am a pilot of a Zaku Phantom on the Hawkins team." I tried to visualize what kind of person he was but nothing came in mind. He was just a normal young man with surprisingly white teeth. "What do you do in life then, Kim? Since you don't have any money, I suppose your an artist of something." I giggled. "You're going to eat your socks, mister Westenfluss: I actually was the Prime Executive of Orb. I worked under Cagalli Yula Atha." His faced dropped in a matter of milliseconds. "Oh my, I might have spoken out of terms." He said, grinning.

"I actually never carry money or valuable objects with me. I have retained that habit, even though it's a bit unhealthy. If I was attacked, then the thieves wouldn't have found anything confidential on me like a cell phone or even protected documents. I would have to use the only thing I was allowed to keep on me and that would be my gun." I said, pointing at my boot. "If you jump on me to steal, mister Westenfluss, you might discover that one of my greatest talents is my ability to shoot a good aim and my cruelty." He smiled nervously. "You're a woman." He sighed. He smirked. "May I buy you a coffee then, Miss Desjardins?" he asked with a bit of shyness in his voice.

"Yes, only if you call me Kim."

"Fine then. You shall call me Hayne." He said, taking the lead.

The rest of the day with Hayne was marvellous: the man knew what he was talking about and he really had one sense of humour. His brilliant redhead hair was striking my vision and he smiled. We were walking back to my hotel since it was getting late and I thought my fiancé was waiting for me at this point, angry that I stormed off on his and that I didn't call. "You're meeting with someone else?" asked Hayne.

"Yes, with my fiancé." Hayne's eyes widen for the briefest moment. "You have a fiancé?"

"Yes. He's in the military. You might actually know him. His name is Yzak Joule. He's also the Captain of the Voltaire and has his own team as well." I said, taking a full breath. "Well, of course I know him. Everybody I know knows Yzak Joule the Fearless. That's his nickname in ZAFT. I don't care was his title is: he missed out on a great afternoon with his lady." Hayne said, trying to be persuasive.

"I'm sorry: I always liked redheads and this is breaking my heart really, but I can't let you like me, mister Westenfluss." I said, sighing.

"My heart is shattered but I will recover." He said with a smirk. What a nice man. I could see my hotel from the distance and Yzak in front of the entrance, waiting, his face bathed in the sunset's sunlight. He truly was handsome with his hair short. Hayne smiled. "There he is." We got up the small hill and we finally reached to Yzak, who looked worried. "Kim, where were you for God's sake?" he asked, taking me in his arms. "Actually, I spent the day with my newest friend, Hayne Westenfluss." Yzak looked at the redhead and saluted him with a military bend and snap. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Commander Joule. As she already told you, my name is Hayne Westenfluss. I am on the Hawkins team Red Uniforms. I found Miss Desjardins alone before a pond, penniless. We took a coffee and went to a museum." He said.

"Thank you for bringing her back to me. I hope to hear from you again, Hayne." Said Yzak, bringing me inside the lobby. I waved goodbye and Hayne walked away, his shiny hair flowing in the wind. "He's so nice and funny." I stated.

"I know this man: he's a womanizer. I already hate him."

"Don't say such things! He's hilarious and his hair is amazing!" I exclaimed, making Yzak red with fury.

"What do you mean 'his hair is amazing'? I cut _my_ hair for you!" I grabbed his neck and crashed his lips on mine; sharing a long wanted French kiss. Yzak, which never really liked kissing in public, seemed to have enjoyed this on, resting his hands on my butt and gently rubbed it. When I broke the kiss to breathe, he rolled in eyes in pleasure. "I needed one like that. " On that moment, Hayne had completely disappeared: Yzak was my only vision now, his eyes locked on mine. I approached my mouth from his ear and whispered: "I want you, Yzak. Deep inside of me." His eyes widen and he frowned. "Really? _Right now_?"

"Listen, if you won't give it to me, I know guys who will. Hayne's not very far from here." That seemed to have done the trick. Yzak took my hand and rushed to the elevator, pressing on number twelve. While we waited, he breathed in my neck just the way I liked it, his warm breath caressing my skin, his hands up my shirt, undoing my bra. "Someone's in a rush." I stated in between moans. "I'm going to show you that no other scumbag can touch you the way I can. No one can make you hiss like I can and quite frankly, I don't want that to happen." He said, licking the tip of my ear. I moaned: his hand had reached down my pants. "Yzak, it's been so long: I might not make it to the twelfth floor, at this rate..." The elevator stopped and we rushed out and aimed for my room. I quickly unlocked the door and as soon as it was closed again, the frenzy began. It has been two hours of pure bliss: Yzak was such a passionate lover but he was so gentle at the same time. It was the combination of rough and gentle that turned me on so much, I think. He had gotten tips from Dearka because the last time we did this, it wasn't as good as this day. His thrusting came to an end and all of his stressed found its way into me, literally. We always had the habit after a love making session to sing to each other. Unfortunately, Yzak couldn't and it was hilarious to hear him sing some Lacus Clyne.

"I swear my man you could beat her with your fingers in your nose, Yzak. No sweat." He smirked and let his head fall between the valleys of my breasts. His eyes closed and he finally went to sleep tired and fully satisfied. I gently rubbed his head and let my fingers run in his hair. His hard chest was half on the bed and half on me: it was the perfect sleeping position for us both. I also got tired but before I went to sleep, I grabbed the phone on the night stand and called. "Yes, this is Kim Desjardins and I want to have a meeting with Chairman Durandall as soon as possible." I thanked the receptionist and hung up: I had reconsidered his offer and I was willing to accept it, no matter the cost: I was a pilot and I always would be, no matter how hard I tried to deny it. There's what I can do and what I want to do: piloting is part of them both so I would do.

The nest morning, Yzak left early and I didn't have time to say goodbye. As soon as I got the phone call from the Chairman's office, I dressed up and tied my hair in a ponytail. I exited the room and found Athrun in the corridor too. "Athrun? Why are you up so early?" I asked. "Actually, I have a meeting with Chairman Durandall. I... I am tired to watching what's happening and not be a part of the change. I want to help and I'll have to accept the consequences later." He said. "My car is waiting for me downstairs. I'll see you later Kim. He said." I quickly grabbed his arm. "Your ride is also my ride."

(...)

The Chairman and his Lacus Clyne were standing before Athrun and I. It all seemed so irrelevant that I, Kim Desjardins, who once fought with a living passion the Coordinators, was now a part of ZAFT. Meer had given me a Red uniform, which I thought as too much but the Chairman refused to give me anything else to wear so I accepted it. I was obliged, unfortunately, to wear a skirt, just like Belva and Lunamaria. I was given the midnight blue one: Meer thought the color was nice on me. She also gave me black stockings and white boots. I looked at myself and sighed. "I never thought I'd be wearing this suit." I said to Athrun. "I never thought of putting it on again." As soon as we were dressed, the Chairman approached and held on two boxes in his hands. Lacus was in awe before Athrun, who really looked quite spectacular in this uniform. I, on the other hand, was still a bit shocked: what was Yzak going to say when he'll hear the news?

"Here, I want you to also take this." Said the Chairman, presenting to us the two boxes, containing the medals of FAITH. They looked like a white fleur-de-lys to me and Athrun's face turned bright. "But... only the people in FAITH wear those!" he exclaimed. "I could not let you fight in the ordinary military, Athrun, Kim, for you are both so extraordinary and valuable to me. You might have encountered problems, too. This is a mean to get around that. FAITH operatives are supposed to swear an oath of loyalty. You... You will only pledge loyalty to your own beliefs.

"Chairman... I don't know if I can... accept this..." I said, unsure if I could to put it on my jacket without the remorse of my past. "Kim... You are the kind of woman who follows your dreams and your beliefs and you do not change them for anyone, not even your lover. When you feel like using the power that I'm giving you, I want you to see to it and to choose the right path for all of us. You are a part of this nation now, Kim Desjardins of ZAFT. I am confident in your abilities to bring this conflict to a better end." He said, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Y-Yes sir." I said, picking the FAITH symbol and putting its pin through the Red uniform.

(...)

I stepped in the Victoire's cockpit and it felt like home, like I could live freely here without the urge to feel the world's eyes on me once again like I am a guinea pig, an experiment that had turned wrong. I reached for the settings and changed them to my capabilities, Athrun doing the same in the Saviour. _"I know the position of Orb right now, but I need you two to join with the Minerva at once. I have high hopes for that ship. I have a feeling that it can play the same role that the Archangel did in the previous war..." _said the Chairman through communication. **Nothing can compare to the Archangel. **_"I want you both to help achieve greatness."_ He concluded, giving the orders to open this PLANT's below hatch. I started the engine of the Victoire and activated its phase shift, turning the powerful ZGMF model a beautiful shade of turquoise. I pushed the speed lever to the maximum and the hatch opened for me. "Kim Desjardins, Victoire, launching!" The speed on this machine was amazing, even more so than on the Vengeance. It flew in the hatch like a feather in the wind and I quickly got out of the PLANT to arrive in space again, Athrun behind me.

"Kim, we must head to Orb. The Minerva is presently on the country's borders, ambushed and attacked by the Earth Forces. We must do something or it's doomed. Kim... I am glad you're in this with me. I mean... I don't have to feel alone anymore. I don't want to be alone in this and to feel like I've betrayed my senses and my principles... It's just... It feels like it's the right thing at the moment, right?" he asked, still uneasy about the whole situation. "I feel like you do. You're my friend, Athrun. One of my closest friends. I won't lose you and I won't let you be alone." The Saviour caught up to the Victoire and I sensed his warm smile reach to me. "Yzak's going to kill me." I stated. "Yes he will but I know you won't go down that easily." Replied the pilot of the Saviour with a hint of amusement in his voice.

The space around us was silent as silence itself. I didn't find anything to say so I saw no point in saying anything. I could see the distant forces of the Moon base and I told Athrun that if we went from there in the atmosphere, it would create more trouble than we'd imagine. Since the Victoire was specially equipped with the EARTHV system, the ride was supposed to be smooth, or at least I hoped so. Athrun and the Saviour, according to plan, we supposed to grab the Victoire's shoulders and I would activate the newest program to save our asses from one hell of a bumpy ride. Already, I could feel the gravity pulling us it. "Athrun, we're not far enough from moon base! We sucked in too early!" I said. "I don't know what's going on!" he exclaimed, trying to find a suitable way out. I looked around the cockpit and saw a ticking white button that almost pleaded me to press it, which I did. Automatically, the EARTHV shield enveloped the Victoire and felt the smoothness begin. It was like it was sliding through a current of fluid water and I felt a thump behind me: the Saviour had a grip on me safely. "Kim, I am sorry about this." He said, truthfully.

"No worries, this is going to be perfect." I could already feel the heat of the crashing atmosphere around us but the Victoire wouldn't budge and stayed on track, on the path that Athrun and I draw. My settings and my cockpit weren't even touched or affected by the powerful gravity pulling us in. It was like driving on the highway, really. "Is it as smooth as you think? I'm overheating here!" said Athrun, smirking. "Oh, just enjoy the ride, will you?" I said, leaning comfortably on my seat. I pressed on the speed lever gradually and the Victoire took speed as it sliced the air of Earth. When we finally got through the thick heat, I deactivated the EARTHV and let our two Mobile suits gently float away in the sky. "This Mobile suit has a totally different feel than the Vengeance..." I stated. "You can't really compare the Justice and the Vengeance to the Saviour and the Victoire: there are not the same models at all, not created to achieve the same goals."

"You're right. It's childish to think that the Vengeance was superior... It just... Never mind. Let's put the past in the past, shall we? Let's try to make contact with someone, alright?" Athrun accepted and put the Saviour into mobile armour mode, making his appearance more subtle. _"This is Kim Desjardins and Athrun Zala coming in the territory with ZAFT machines. We demand to be escorted to the ZAFT ship in your possession, the Minerva." _I said through open communications but didn't receive anything. _"Orb control, do you read me?"_ The monitor of the Victoire suddenly detected two moving aircrafts: they were coming onto us. "Athrun, maybe they came as escorts. These are Murasame's" I only hoped for the best at this point: after all... we were dressed with ZAFT uniforms and piloting their machines. It would only be natural to be cautious about.

I looked at the Orb's Mobile suits and they seemed to be acting strangely, not like escorts. Their main cannon suddenly moved towards us and I gasped. "They're locking on!" said Athrun. _"Orb control, come in! What the hell is going on here? Why are those machines attacking us?"_ asked Athrun. They fired missile darts at us and I evaded swiftly, confused and at lost. _"We are not attacking your nation? We will not fight!" _he continued, trying to persuade the pilots of the attacking machines. I evaded another hit and became worried that maybe we didn't have much of a choice but to do so. _"And you think you'll make us believe that? Now that Orb has joined the run in the Security Organization, the PLANTs are an enemy state. We're not at war with ZAFT just yet but there's no allowing you two entries to our country."_ I frowned and sighed. Athrun was the first on the line of targets and he was being shot at by the first pilot.

"Orb's in an alliance with the Atlantic Federation? Cagalli must've been unable to control the ministers...!" said Athrun. Athrun did everything to identify himself but they just wouldn't let this go. The second pilot got too close from me and I had to push it away. "Respect my will, pilot!" He said something about the Minerva not being under Orb's control anymore and I snapped. "What do you mean, it's not here?" He replied that I didn't have the authorization to have that kind of information and that I should go back to wherever the hell I came from. Athrun was sick of playing games, now: he was generally patient enough with discussions but this was going to ruin our day. He transformed the Saviour into Mobile suit mode again and didn't have a choice but to fire at our assailants. I took out the rifle beam cannon and also began to shoot, trying my hardest not to land hits on them. "Stop it, Athrun! Let's go!" I said to him, pressed on the speed lever again, exiting the perimeter: he followed me, leaving the two Orb pilots behind.

"Athrun, the Minerva... it probably headed to Carpentaria." I stated.

"You're right. I know the route. Follow me." He indicated. It took approximately two hours before we finally reached the Carpentaria military base. We didn't have any trouble at all, actually. When we spotted out the Minerva on the docks, which was in repairs, Athrun asked for the hatch to open and amazingly, it did. I followed him inside and the Saviour and the Victoire were placed on moving platforms, aligning us.

I could see Lunamaria and Meyrin on the floor, talking to the mechanics. They were probably asking who do hell we were and what were those Mobile suits doing in the Minerva. When the finally adjustments were set off, we were allowed to disembark and we did. The small cord moved us to the flower deck and Athrun and I stepped on the ground steadily. Athrun was the first to make a move, obviously: he was the choice for the official arrival, being a citizen of the PLANTs and all... I was still new in ZAFT anyway so I couldn't impose myself. When I found the courage to follow him, I took and unsure step and I saw Lunamaria gasp as Athrun got his helmet off.

"Athrun Zala! What are you doing here? And who's...?"

I also took my helmet off, letting my dark brown hair wave in the air. I smiled to her. "Good day, Lunamaria."

"Oh my God! It's Kim Desjardins!" exclaimed Meyrin, her hands on her mouth.

"Athrun Zala and Kim Desjardins from ZAFT special team FAITH, asking permission to board." Said Athrun. I didn't know if I liked the whole ZAFT solider thing about him, but it sure made him look so much more confident in himself. I heard footsteps behind Meyrin and for the first time in three days, I saw Shinn Asuka's face, which was unpleasantly surprised to see Athurn. "Did you see...? Oh, it's you." He said. He walked in our direction and tried not to make eye contact with the young man: I was still infuriated from the last time we encountered. "What is this? What the hell is going on, here? What is he doing here...?" he stopped when he caught my gaze. It wasn't like I was intimidated or something, it was just that I didn't really want to stand out right now.

"Shut up! Learn some manners and watch your mouth, Shinn! They're members of FAITH." Said Lunamaria, nudging his arm and saluted to Athrun and I. All the other people around us dropped everything they had and did the same. "Why did they pick _you_?" he continued, always directed towards Athrun. "Shinn!" whispered Lunamaria, angry. I was almost too obliged to salute as well and I did. It felt kind of wrong since it has been such a long time. Since I've done this. It was like being a Commander again and it felt surprisingly great. I glared at Shinn and he quickly gave what he had to Meyrin and looked at me and saluted, buttoning his vest. I smirked. "I might take a liking to this..." I whispered to Athrun, making him smile.

"Is the Captain on the bridge?" I asked to the crew.

"Uh, yes I believe so." Replied a mechanic. Meyrin and Lunamaria rushed to Athrun with brilliant smiles, asking him for them to escort him at the same time. "I'll escort you to her, sir." She said, completely ignoring me. "Fine, I'll just follow." I mumbled. Shinn took a step forwards and offered me his arm. "I'll escort you to the bridge, Miss Desjardins." I rolled my eyes and still remembered the embarrassment from last time he laid eyes on me. "You're way _too_ kind..." I mumbled again. He grabbed my arm and escorted me out the hangar. We took the nearest elevator and I uncomfortably entered with him. The silence was astounding. He looked at me and threw a smirk on his face.

"Since when did you want to join ZAFT anyway? You reclaimed your place as Coordinator?" he asked. I glared at him again. I snapped my arm away from his hand crossed them on my chest.

"I don't owe a kid like you any explanation whatsoever. And watch your mouth around me. I can have you demoted quite easily." I replied, still very cold to him. After all, I already told him I didn't want to be his friend so why was he insisting? This man was getting on my nerves, always trying to put his nose into everything and everyone's business. "I mean, why weren't you part of ZAFT before hand?" he asked. I knew where it was going. I knew he wanted to know all along.

"I... I hated ZAFT. They have done irreparable damage to the people around me. Think of it as like Orb for you. I don't believe in ZAFT but I do believe in what the Chairman says. I believe I can make a difference."

"Speaking of difference, you didn't tell me you piloted before I met you. I was quite surprised by your performance, back at Junius Seven. You really have one unique way of fighting that is. It's as if you were..." he started but I cut him off.

"Drunk. I know, you're not the first to tell me. You're ten years late on that one." I snapped.

"So you started piloting at eight? Impressive." He stated. I turned my head to him and growled.

"What do you know about me?"

"Well, I know for instance that you are eighteen years old and that you come from North America. You were once a pilot of some sort and you have a liking for Athrun Zala." He said. I snorted and cried out in laughter. This kid was busting me up. He thought I liked Athrun, my best friend! **Oh my God, I haven't laughed like this in so long!**

"I don't like him, _he's my friend! _I already _have_ a fiancé, you dimwit!" I said in between laughter. He looked at me and frowned.

"But...! You are _always_ with him! You were almost in his shoes two minutes ago! I don't understand! And you're _getting married_?" he asked, his cheeks violently blushing.

"I'm always with him because he knows what we are supposed to do here...! I didn't know what to do: I'm a first timer in ZAFT, remember? And yes for your information, I'm getting married to Commander Yzak Joule of the Joule team. I suppose you remember from last time we saw each other..." I said, whipping the small tears forming in my eyes. Shinn seemed to have stopped and was thinking, leaving the elevator silent. The elevator doors opened and it leaded to a long corridor, leading to the Captain's office. "We're here." Said Shinn with a monotonous voice. I frowned but still thanked him. I walked off and ran to the sliding doors and opened them: Athrun was already inside. "Oh, my apologies! I will wait outside." I said, saluting.

"Please do come in, Miss Desjardins. It's been so long, after all. I wish to speak to you too." Said Captain Gladys, always wearing her warm and delicate smile. I entered the room and waved hello to Arthur, her executive officer. He nodded in recognition of my salutation. Athrun and I stood before Talia while she checked if our papers were in order. When she finally opened her mouth, she let out a sigh. "He brings you back as FAITH agents, gives you the newest machines we have and assigns you to this ship and makes me a member of FAITH too. What in the world is the Chairman thinking? And what's on your mind?" She asked Athrun.

"Sorry to disappoint, madam." Replied Athrun.

"It's quite alright, don't worry. So... regarding these orders, do you have any idea what they are?" she asked us. Of course, we weren't told that kind of information yet. Athrun replied that we didn't know and that the Chairman reserved that information to the Captain, meaning her. "Well, I must say they are interesting..." she mumbled, making Arthur nervous but curious at the same time. She also piqued my interest as well.

"When the Minerva's done with the repairs, we are to head off to Gibraltar and support the forces with their attempt to capture Suez."

"_Support them in an attack_? Captain, why us?" exclaimed Arthur.

"There will be some pretty messy if the conflict spreads to include western Eurasia. There's no denying that the Earth Forces will be posing a threat to Gibraltar but I still have to understand why they aren't considering the great distance we have to travel..." stated Talia.

"I totally agree with you, Captain Gladys. The Minerva isn't equipped for this kind of warfare so why ask us?" asked Arthur, wondering.

"What's the conflict in western Eurasia about?" I asked. The Captain sighed.

"Eurasia has already sides with the Earth Alliance... or more likely, it's being taken for advantage by the Atlantic Federation. Part of Eurasia is trying to get loose from its grasp and to obtain independence. It just happened: I'm not surprised that you haven't yet heard about it. The people there are literally sick and tired of being forced in the military and having their rights restricted. The Earth Forces are trying to find a method to suppress the force from growing so I hear things are getting pretty ugly. That's... That's why were bound to go, people." She concluded. I closed my eyes and Athrun knew this was pissing me off. **Why are they doing this to innocent people? Why does this have to be such a mess again? Why do we keep repeating the same ugly things over and over again?**

"We can expect some fighting but really, we are being deployed for self defence only. The PLANTs have no desire of acquiring this territory. This position permits us to not interfere carelessly for the sakes of others. That's our assignment." She said. "And that included the three of us to act as agents of FAITH. Please, remember that." We nodded and I frowned. I looked at Athrun and turned around to face the Captain once again.

"Madam, do you know what's happening with Orb?" I asked. "We've... we've been out of the loop, still. We haven't yet heard about their development with the situation." The Captain frowned and nodded simply. "Well... let's just say that they are going through a difficult time with their Chief Representative being kidnapped and all. Right after her wedding with this man named Yuna and everything..." _**What?**_

"She's been _married_? And _kidnapped_? What the hell is going on here? _Where is she_?" I asked a bit too loud for Athrun's taste. The Captain couldn't comprehend the reason why I was acting so strange and Athrun was obliged to tell the truth to Captain Gladys. I couldn't retain the tears from falling down my face and my hands were violently shaking.

"Captain... I'm sorry for her behaviour... after all; Cagalli Yula Atha is her sister." The Captain immediately rose up and Arthur seconded her swiftly. "I had no idea. I shouldn't have brought it up so severely. My dearest apologies for the situation, Kim. Orb is actually trying their very best to find her and I'm pretty darn sure they'll succeed. Don't worry, Kim, she'll be fine." She said, putting a hand on my shoulder. I looked at Athrun and he silently asked me to leave the room, which I couldn't refuse. I saluted my superiors and exited, closing the sliding doors behind me. I walked and punched a wall on my way. My sobbing soon stopped and it became yelp of rage. Athrun soon came out and rejoined with me. "Kim, what's happening to you? Get a grip!" I grabbed his arm and almost crushed it in my grasp.

"That fucking _bastard_ **Yuna**! I'll kill him if that's the last thing I do!" He grabbed me in his arms and hugged me gently, the way my older brother would do. Athrun had always been the gentle type, even though he didn't like to admit it. He always was there for Kira, for Cagalli and for me when we needed a shoulder to cry on. "I can't believe he had the nerve to _marry_ her! And she... why didn't _she_ refuse? She was supposed to marry _you_!" Athrun smiled and simply said:

"She was abducted _before_ they got married... and the kidnapper was the Freedom, Kira and the Archangel. Kim, she's safe in Murrue's command. Actually, she couldn't be safer, not even in Orb." It took me a minute to take in what he had just said and only a couple of seconds to remind myself that I was a senseless idiot. I whipped the tears off of my face and smiled cheaply. "Well, I... uh... I still am going to kill the asshole Yuna but... I'm glad... she's safe." I said, thanking him silently for having me calmed down. He gently laughed and I snorted: I had to laugh at myself for once in a while. After all, I could be stupid and crazy, like a normal woman, not a freak. I allowed myself to walk behind him slowly and to mentally slap myself for freaking out on him: after all, he was the woman he so dearly loved and I was the one to panic. **You're something, kid. You're going to go far.**

As we returned to the hangar , Lunamaria and Shinn were gasping in front of the Saviour and Victoire and Athrun passed her without saying a word, getting on the elevating plateform that would lead him to his Mobile suit's cockpit. "Hey! There's no need to ignore me!" she exclaimed, hurt, jumping on the platform too. I waved goodbye at Athrun as I left him with a ton of trouble in his hands. On my part, I had Shinn to deal with. I also passed him and jumped on the elevating platform. "You're not coming with me if that's what you were thinking. I'm not Athrun and you surely don't look like Lunamaria." I said, smirking. "I... I wasn't even thinking that!" was all he could manage. I could hear Lunamaria's voice all over the hangar: deep down, I knew Athrun, despite his good attitude, just wasn't comfortable with her... uh... stickiness to him. **Oh! I know! She had a crush on him! This is interesting! **As I giggled, Shinn mocked me from the lower deck, saying something like I, being so accustomed to being lonely that I could laugh at my own jokes.

"I heard that." I merely said, jumping in the Victoire's cockpit. I knew that sometimes I was rough with people, but it amused me to see the young man's reaction to my coldness. Outside, Lunamaria was allowed, by Athrun, probably to shut her up, to sit in the Saviour's cockpit. She was dazed by all this new technology her dumbass Zaku didn't have. I wondered why Athrun was putting up with this annoyance but I figured it was because he didn't like power abuse and thus, he would just shut his trap. As the Minerva was getting ready to move, we were told that an ally from Carpentaria, a submarine, was going to escort us as well. The Minerva was officially heading out. I established communication with Athrun and as soon as Lunamaria descended off, he grabbed the call.

"Hope you're ready, lover boy. Oh, we're moving."


	11. Phase 11

Since the Minerva had a little spare time on her hands, we also had time on our own. I, unlike the others, stayed in my cockpit to rest a little while. I learned every command and every move this Mobile suit was capable of achieving and I couldn't say that it wasn't impressive. It was versatile, light fast and powerful. I couldn't have dreamed of something more adequate for me, ever. I was only sad that I had acquired it through the medley of war again. Everything in my life turned around hatred and that was a deal breaker for me: how can we love when there's still so much hatred going on? I closed my eyes for the briefest moment and imagined... no, it was more like reliving the pain, the agony that humans suffered two years ago and since. The uncountable battles, the blood spilled on utter stupidities and the love taken away by death. My life has been hell because of men's dreams and it was only beginning to get easier and now _this_ happens. I didn't have time to think further. The Minerva switched its neutral position and equipped for battle.

"_Going to condition red, going to condition red: pilots, stand by with your machines!"_ I quickly went into function again and started the engine of the Victoire, which was silent and powerful at the same time. I moved onwards to one of the platforms and waited for the other pilots, including Shinn, Lunamaria, Rey, Athrun and Belva to take place in their machines also. _"Go ahead, Kim! Get ready to launch first."_ Said Meyrin. Her shy voice was now grave and it reminded me of Miriallia, when she used to do the CIC of the Archangel. I was put on the first moving platform and the crew installed a power aile pack on the Victoire, just to make sure I didn't miss anything. It included two massive laser swords, which would be quickly taken advantage by the Victoire's powerful aiming strength. _"System all green! You can launch, Kim!"_

"Kim Desjardins, Victoire, taking off!" The pale aqua Mobile suit immediately followed its orders and glided in the hatch, leaping towards the sky once again. The Captain of the Minerva, Talia Gladys, established a linked communication with the Victoire and I soon heard her voice in my cockpit. "Kim, you may not be under my command, but I assume that you know what to do. I want you to prove yourself and to command the Mobile suits today, on the battlefield. You have my full authority on this and if anyone tries to defy your power, make them come back by any means necessary." I nodded. "You have my word, Captain." Damn, why would I need to prove myself now? I didn't have any information on the enemy except for my own intuition, which was based upon the current situation on Earth: they were the Alliance's forces and they were ready to fight. I assumed the Impulse would be the next to launch and my prediction was right: Shinn Asuka, pilot of the GUNDAM Impulse, exited the hatch swiftly in the Core Splendor. I glanced towards him and I thought it would be best if I told him the news.

"Shinn Asuka, this is Kim Desjardins. I will be assuming the role of combat commander. Is that clear?" I heard him grunt with sole surprise and he immediately replied: "Yes, ma'am." This message was also passed down to every pilot exiting the Minerva for combat and Athrun was no exception. His voice soon rang in the cockpit. "I know you can do this. You had training. You were Commander, right? Then don't let anyone do something you don't approve and be ready to do anything possible to dissuade them, understand? They shall no trespass your authority." He said warningly. "Yes mother."

"Kim, I hope you succeed." He replied back, a smile on his bright face. While Shinn assembled the pieces of the Impulse, Athrun was put on the ramp to the hatch and a few couple of seconds later, he was out too, his brilliant red Mobile suit shining with the sunlight. Lunamaria and Rey were assigned to protect the Minerva once again and Belva was the last to be deployed, her newly developed Mobile suit piercing the wind. I quickly turned around to analyze it and frowned. "What... the heck is this?" I let out loud. Her very strangely shaped Mobile suit resembled more like a woman than anything else. I mean, the thing had metal hair, for goodness sakes! And the worst part of it was the color of it: _pink_. How serious would we look like on the battlefield now? Basically, it was a Zaku Amazon. It was the newly developed model from ZAFT because there were a lot more women in the military these days and... well, it deeply affected the production.

"Belva Sheen, what the hell is this?" asked Athrun. We could hear her giggle in her cockpit.

"Not to be blunt, but you pilot a Zaku whore." Stated Shinn.

"Watch it; it's a gift from my father. He thought of the idea of this model so I'm the first to test drive it. Amazing, isn't it? It's less ugly than the bastard Zaku anyway. And less sluggish too. By the way, your Mobile suit is awesome, Kim. The color kills." She replied. I couldn't stand to be mean with her: always smiling and positive, Belva Sheen couldn't be brought down. Already, in the horizon, the enemies could already be spotted and I didn't like what I saw: there were dozens of them and six of us. I had to elaborate a plan before anything else. I had to think a way of doing this without compromising the safety of the Minerva. "Lunamaria and Ray will take care of the Minerva and make sure it's not going to sink. Athrun and I will take the front, so Shinn and Belva will back us up." Immediately, Belva replied: "I'm going with Shinn!" he giggles made me nervous. "Just... just make sure he's okay..."

"So that leaves you and I again, Kim. Anyway, you're smart: I don't see why it wouldn't work. We work just fine together. Just don't get in my way." He said.

"You're the one who's always in my... **watch it**! _Behind you, Belva!" _An enemy's Mobile suit had already reached to us and almost cut the Zaku Amazon's arm away. Shinn quickly rammed his sword across the Windam's cockpit and it exploded right before the pink Zaku. "Where the hell do you think you are? _In your living room_?" exclaimed Shinn, making Belva stay still in shock. "I'm so sorry..." she mumbled.

"Just make sure you aren't going to do that again, alright? You know what? Athrun, you team up with him. I'll go with you, Belva. Is that okay?" I asked. She nodded approvingly and smiled. Shinn was always so pushy and so annoyingly angry it made me twitch. I was going to have a talk with him after this battle and he was going to change his attitude. Another plunged towards us and I made sure the pilot would see the light of the day again: I sliced his machine apart and made it explode into millions of pieces. "Make sure you guys don't trespass the battle range. We don't know where they come from yet." I stated.

"Seems like you take a liking into giving orders, right, commander Desjardins?" asked Shinn, bringing out all of the things I hated about him. It took everything, every ounce of my strength to not grab him and throw him in the sea. "I'll also take a liking in advising the Captain of your shitty attitude, Shinn." I sliced through two other Mobile suits and Belva was hanging on pretty well for a medium beginner. Though it was her first time experiencing war, the girl seemed to catch on pretty fast on the severity of the situation. I took a drastic plunge and three other Windam followed. I changed the level of my aile pack and reversed the Victoire's body and pulled them under, throwing their heavy machines in the water, sinking them into the abysses. One particular Mobile suit piqued my attention: it was a fuchsia one with streaks of green. It seemed that the pilot was a lot more experienced that every other ones I have faced on this battlefield. The colors on his Windam were probably a distinction for him and for his title.

"Athrun, this one's no ordinary pilot. He's probably a commander or higher. I suggest you don't leave him of sight. I think he has the potential of being dangerous. Athrun was going to head for it when he was interrupted by the familiar Chaos, piloted by Sting Oakley. This one was another serious contender. I decided to fly up again and to surround the dark green ZAFT Mobile suit. I sliced one of his wing and he turned around and sent multiple beams and missiles in my direction, every one of them blocked by the powerful positron shield of the Victoire. Shinn, who plunged towards the purple Mobile suit, was overwhelmed by the number of the machines accompanying this enemy: they were forming a shield around their commander against the Impulse. Shinn could only block at this moment and it was probably the best way for him to survive.

"Shinn, you're out too far! Get back here, we'll be able to help!" screamed Belva but the black haired coordinator didn't even catch her words or merely thought about it. This young man was fighting alone even though he was part of a team. He was a lone wolf and I had the feeling that this would lead to nowhere if I added more to it. "If he gets killed, I won't hold the responsibility, Belva." I replied to her. This battle wasn't long because of the difficulty of it but because they were many, many to defeat and to destroy. It was a monotonous mission for everyone. The Chaos had taken the Saviour for target and I flew behind him, tailing this Phantom Pain's Mobile suit. I slashed the tip of its foot and the angry pilot turned around once again and sent a positron beam in my direction. I plunged to evade and resumed my pursuit. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead as I shot another couple of enemies. Their numbers were slowly decreasing, but very slowly indeed. I looked at my radar and spotted a familiar Mobile suit. "Athrun, I'll get the Gaia!" I plunged downwards and flew on the surface of the sea, searching for the black GUNDAM. As I expected, Shinn was already on this one and seemed to have difficulty. "Out of the way!" I screamed to him, taking the Gaia in a mortal plunged directly in the water again. The Victoire was built to resist to harsh currents and mainly to water floods so I was protected but I couldn't say the same for the other pilot: already, water had made its way in its cockpit and I felt a hint of pity: would I like to die by drowning, suffering? It was more human to make this one exploded, really, even it sounds stupid. I pushed it up again and punched it in the air, the pilot paralyzed. As we landed on a rocky terrain, the Gaia and its pilot regained its ability to pilot and the person lunged towards be with its laser swords and slashed in the air randomly: it was going beserk.

"_Why won't you go down?"_**It's a woman! That person who pilots the Gaia is just a girl!** I stopped in my tracks and the Gaia jumped on me, pinning me to the ground, its laser sword dangerously hovering near the Victoire's head. "This is it!" she screamed. I waited for the right moment and grabbed the opportunity when it showed up: she was in the motion of a swing and I punched the cockpit violently, making the black Mobile suit stumble and release me. I grabbed my knife and the Victoire ran it through the arm of the Gaia. "You bitch! How dare you! When I kill you, I'll make you suffer!" I pushed the Gaia and grabbed my laser gun, aiming it at the damaged Gaia's head.

"You're the one who's going to _die_." I stated. The Gaia, or the pilot, more precisely, stopped in her tracks and became paralyzed. The black Mobile suit stopped moving and Shinn arrived behind me. I looked outside and noticed where we were: in an Atlantic Federation's base. There were grills all over and even some people behind them crying, trying to trespass it to escape the battlefield. **They... they were slaves! They were the ones who built this base!** I saw guards dressed in military uniform take their guns, aimed at the innocent people and shoot them down. Some died on the spot and others just laid there, their hopes taken away. "Oh my God... what are they...?" I didn't have time to think. Shinn, who also had witnessed the scene, started panicking and destroying everything in his path. All of the base's buildings, all of the evidence we could have found, everything was being destroyed by a hot headed baboon.

"Stop it you fool! Stop moving! You'll hurt the people down there! Act responsibly!" But my words were nothing but a mere illusion to him: he never heard me and would listen either. This son of a bitch was nothing more than a brat, a stupid brat that didn't know the consequences of his actions and what kind of punishment he would receive either. I couldn't save every moron on this Earth and that was a fact. "Shinn! Stop this already, for your sake!"

"_Shut up_, let me do this!"

...What did he just say? Did he order me to be quiet and to leave him alone? In such a mess? When I'm the commander around here? My eye twitch in anger and I grabbed the Impulse by the leg and it tripped, on the ground, Shinn cursing under his breath. "What are you doing? Can't you see those people need my help?" he screamed out of rage. I pulled him closer and couldn't phase the anger that spread inside my body. I punched the Impulse's head and threw it in the air. "Go. Back. To. The._ Fucking._ Ship. Now." The Impulse slowly got up and as soon as I said that, the Minerva signalled that the enemy was retreating. I followed the Impulse and promised myself that no matter how angry I was, no matter how much I wanted to hurt this bastard, I wouldn't lay a hand on him.

...But of course, it never really happens the way we plan things. Back in the hangar, Shinn ate one hell of a slap on the face, his white cheek now beating pink. He was so shocked that I couldn't let him just stand like that. Another slap across his beautiful skin reddens his other cheek. His eyes shot evil glares at me but that wouldn't scare me. If this kid was to learn matters, it was going to be from me and nobody else. "If you want to hit me again, go ahead, but I don't give a damn! I didn't do anything **wrong** back there! _All I did was to help those people in that base!" _Athrun was about to jump on him but I looked at him and he suddenly stopped. I grabbed my gun from my belt and put it on Shinn's forehead.

"You see, this would not be happening if you listened back there. How many times have I told you to stop? About five and still! You didn't listen! You could have been killed and let someone else from your** team** get killed as well! I see from your surprised and fearful stare that you never had a gun pointed at you. Some people _aren't just like me_: some of them are scared of imposing discipline. I will **not** fall into that coward's category. Next time you insult me publically and you don't answer my orders, I will not hesitate to shoot you. I hope you have a good enough memory to remember because _I _do. And war isn't a _game_ where you get to play _hero_. If you have all of this power, **than put it to good use and use it with responsibility!" **I couldn't have been clearer: Lunamaria's eyes were full of water and Athrun's mouth was slightly opened. The silent was still in the hangar and I dropped my gun and put it back on my belt. I walked away alone and sighed.

I quickly took the elevator and looked at my watch. It was already dark outside and my eyelids were getting heavy. I walked in the long corridors and thought about what just happened. It shook me still... because it happened to me too. My commander, back in the day, Steven Ruck, had done the same thing to me and used the same words I did. It was the first time I understood the severity of war and it was the last time I had disrespected my orders and my superiors. I always had been the good solider since and that never failed me. Perhaps it would be the same with that Shinn Asuka. At his age, I already had spilt more blood that he could ever imagine and destroyed more lives that I could count. I stepped before my door room and opened it to close it behind me. I quickly changed and slipped into my bed silently. Minutes later, someone was knocking on the door.

"Kim, it's me, Athrun... How... are you feeling?" he asked. It was like Athrun knew this all along: the way I would react and the way I would feel.

"I'm fine. I am just tired. Good night, Athrun." I said, not wanting to talk whatsoever.

"What you did... greatly impacted him." He mumbled behind the door.

"If this kid is going to learn how to live in this cruel world, he's going to learn from me. That was the best thing I thought at the moment to make him understand. He could've been killed out there and I didn't want to make that happening possible. Please don't judge me." I added.

"I won't judge you. And by the way: you were an excellent commander today." And he left on that tone. Thanks to Athrun, I fell asleep with a bit more light on the conscience and dreamt of nothing more than blackness. The next morning, I woke up feeling less than normal and I looked around me. Of course, I dreamed that I was enrolling in ZAFT but it wasn't a dream: it was reality. I was an agent of FAITH and I had pointed a gun at my own comrade. I rolled my eyes and rubbed my head slowly, trying to figure out the situation. Of course, I wasn't scared of being reprimanded but I was scared that my behaviour would put Shinn in a horrible position. Well, after all, he deserved to be put in his place and to show gratitude for such. I got up and went for a shower. Afterwards, I dressed up and put on my uniform and lastly, put on the FAITH ensign on the blood red jacket. "This is bullshit." I exited my room and felt the Minerva take a tug from the sea. "We must be close to Suez by now." I mumbled. Since Carpentaria was in northern Australia and that the Mahamuo base was in the Middle East, I mentally calculated that it was a long road from where we were and that the Minerva was one fast mother.

I took the elevator and went down in the hangar. I was expecting a lot of movement down there but it was quiet and peaceful, just how I liked it. I smiled at the mechanic crew and they saluted back politely. I went to check for the Victoire's mechanic report and overheard a conversation between a youngster and Yulan, both Shinn's friends. "Have you seen Lacus Clyne's last performance? Man, that dress she wears is totally sweet." Said the first mechanic, his cheeks a light shade of pink.

"Yes, you can tell she's totally _stacked_! I mean, she has the most beautiful breasts in the whole wide world!" said an enthusiastic Yulan.

"Well, I still say commander Desjardins is one nice piece of ass, that's for sure. I prefer her body and her breasts to Lacus's: lustier and less trashy, even though they're about the same size. And you can tell that this woman has abs, you know? After all, I've heard she's been through rigorous training, when she was in the military... Damn, and what an ass! That skirt on her is _perfection_. Yeah, that's my kind of woman, I tell you." Said the other one making me smile. "Excuse me gentlemen, is the repairs on the Victoire done?" I asked, making them squeal in surprise. "Y-Yes co-commander!" they said in unison. I smirked and walked away, always directing my attention on them.

"... And she's scary too...! Imagine the _fun_ commander Joule must be having with her! She must be a _freak_! I mean, did you see her eyes yesterday, when she looked at Shinn? The poor thing couldn't stand a chance against this woman! Of course, everyone here knows he likes her so there's no way he'd talk back after that! Oh my God, I would've killed to see that glance in bed!" **How do they know that Yzak and I... Oh, what the hell. It doesn't really matter.**

"I can still hear you, Yulan. You sure can get back to work now." I said, making them nervous. "Y-Yes commander Desjardins...!" These boys... were amusing. I heard Athrun's laugh behind and I smirked. His eyes were closed and his brilliant white teeth showed. "I can't believe what I just heard! All the men on the Minerva think your one drop dead gorgeous lady! I just can't believe what I'm hearing. I haven't seen you blush either, Miss Desjardins. Where's that innocence you held so powerful back then?" asked Athrun in between chuckles.

"Yzak took it away when we first had sex." I said to him, making him serious again.

"You didn't have to explain the _whole_ thing, you know." He said back.

"Well you didn't have to ask. I'm glad I'm not perceived as a monster. Well, if they do think that, they might see me as the sex-crazed monster. What's going on with you men? Why do you always have to say that the ass and the breasts look beautiful? Why not the eyes, hair and personality?" I asked, crossing my arms. Athrun smirked and shook his head.

"Of course, _I_ don't think that way. It's just that... it's animal to think like that and we humans are animals. We can't control what we instantly want to think about, it just happens. Some men aren't obsessed and some... _are_. You see, you caused the youngest a very shameful...uh... hard on, if you know what I mean. You can look, but you'll embarrass him even more." He stated. It took all of my strength not to look back at Yulan's friend and to kick him in the nuts. I shook my head and laughed. "I can't believe this is happening to me." I replied back.

"Well, better you than me." He replied with a smirk on his face.

"I wouldn't say so: Lunamaria is sticking very close to you, I noticed. I don't necessarily want to be rude, but she always looks at your... uh... lower body. I swear that girl is obsessed with you and _not_ in a good way. Athrun, promise you won't sleep with the poor love sick girl. Please, that would be bad because I would kill you on the spot." This made him blush.

"I wouldn't you idiot! I am in love with your _sister_! You're sick!" he whispered angrily, hitting my arm. I giggled. He knew I just wanted to make him react and he regained his calm composure quickly, smiling at me. "Well, we both know why Shinn wouldn't listen to you: he was trying to concentrate and not to be distracted by you. You heard his friends: the boy likes you. And your breasts, probably." He added. This time, I blushed. It wasn't because of _Athrun_ saying the word "breasts" but because I've never had a crush younger than I. A crush that I didn't 'crush' on anyway.

"I though Yzak stole that innocence from you already." He added. He earned a nudge on the arm.

"_Docking completed. All hands begin inspection and begin procedures. Please remain on board and wait for further orders." _Said Meyrin. _"Commander Zala and commander Desjardins on the bridge, please." _I was happy to hear that we had finally reached Suez. It has been a couple of days and my temper would turn out even better now that we could go outside. We rejoined with Arthur and Captain Gladys outside for official the official meeting with the superiors of the base. As we stopped before them, we saluted and they replied the action back.

"I'm the Minerva's captain, Talia Gladys." Said the Captain, her voice lightly stern with nervousness.

"Executive commander, Arthur Trine." I looked at Athrun and smiled. He must've been very nervous also: these guys knew who we were and it was no secret to us.

"Athrun Zala of the ZAFT special forces." He nudged my arm.

"Kim Desjardins, also of the ZAFT special forces." I replied, looking right into the leading man's eyes. Of course, Athrun made much more of an uproar than I did. All of the green uniforms looked at each other and gasped, whispering his name. "Athrun... Zala?" asked the superior, in awe. He stared at Athrun for the longest moment and his eyes went to mine. "And Kim Desjardins... Excuse us for being nosy. I'm Youkin Ruddle, commander of the Mahamuo base... Make yourselves at home." And with that, the four of us shook hands with the superiors and smiled while talking about the beautiful weather. "Can we offer you some fresh coffee?" he asked the Captain. Commander Ruddle smiled. "This place is in the middle of nowhere but we do get some damn fine coffee beans."

"...Sure...uh, thank you very much." Replied Captain Gladys while following the commander, Athrun and I walked behind her along Arthur. The Captain turned around and looked at me while smiling. She reminded me so much of Murrue Ramius with her gentle touch.

"Kim, would you mind going back on the ship? I need someone I can trust to look after it while we are gone. Can I ask you this favour? Of course, you don't have to say yes, but it would reassure me to know that you're looking after the crew." She warmly asked. I nodded and smiled back at her. "I surely don't mind. I'll see you later Athrun." I said, waving goodbye and walking away, back to the Minerva.

"I'll fill you up when we're done." Replied Athrun. I nodded and walked faster. This ship brought me flashbacks of the Archangel, in a way. It was oddly familiar and it felt comfortable, surprisingly. After a much needed walk, I entered the Minerva once again and was greeted by some green uniforms soldiers saluting to me. I headed towards the bridge to inspect things when I got bumped in by Meyrin, Lunamaria and Belva. They were holding towels and didn't wear any makeup. "Hey, commander Desjardins! How are you?" asked Luna, always so cheerful and smiling. "Uh... I'm fine... About the title 'commander'... you don't really have a reason to call me that. I want you to call me by my name, Kim." I asked.

"Oh that's just awesome! So, we wanted to say to you that we are happy that you joined the team. Listen, we are going to take a shower, how about you come and join us? I want to catch up on the girls talk." Said Belva, giggling. "I... uh... already took a shower this morning..." I replied. I had no time to even think: they grabbed my arms and pulled me in the next room, which was the bathroom for the ladies on the Minerva. As soon as they undressed, they jumped in the showers and I stay there like an idiot, shocked: I've never experienced that kind of thing, really. I never showered with girl friends. Ever.

"Are you coming?" asked Meyrin, already shampooing her hair. "...Sure... Let me undress..." I quickly undressed and nicely folder my uniform and put it on the nearest table. I opened a shower's door for the second time in the morning and freely turned on the hot water. Lunamaria had the cabin next to me and she didn't mind talking to me at all. "I'll tell you what, Kim: I'm glad you put Shinn in his place, yesterday. He was completely off on the battlefield and you had the right to shake him back to senses. He was pissed but he calmed off anyway. "What? So Shinn hasn't said a word to Athrun at all since it happened? I can understand Kim, but Athrun?" asked Meyrin, continuing their conversation.

"Ugh! Well, no! He kept this asshole attitude. He can be so immature sometimes. He needs a girlfriend to calm him down and to make him smile." Replied Luna.

"You mean he needs to get married." Retorted Belva, making us laugh.

"Talking of wedding, Kim, I didn't you know you are engaged to Yzak Joule! Shinn told us but I swear we didn't fuss about it! But back to the interesting stuff: when did you guys meet? Was it during your school years?" asked Luna, washing her body with some nice smelling shower gel.

"We... haven't exactly met in school, unfortunately. We met during the Bloody Valentine war, two years ago... He was a part of ZAFT as elite with a red uniform and I was... on the Archangel, fighting against him." I replied, earning gasps and shudders. "You fought with the legendary Archangel? And you fought against your own fiancé? That means... That means...!" yelped Luna, not able to finish her sentence.

"That means... you were the legend pilot of the Vengeance! Unbelievable!" screamed Belva.

"I... did pilot that extraordinary machine... it was nothing like I've experienced before..."

"I don't care about the stupid machine! I want to know how you got to know Commander Joule!" exclaimed Belva.

"I happened to have met him when I was in Africa, fighting against the Desert Tiger. I had ordered a meeting with Andrew Waltfeld and Yzak was there, a part of his team for the time being. Of course, it wasn't love at first sight. We fought verbally and with Mobile suits until one day where we really got to talk: it was on an island, where I crashed with an Earth Forces airplane. He made me his prisoner and we really did talk to each other from that time on. We met several occasions on the battlefields too and he... always played fair and made sure his comrades didn't do anything to the Archangel. The funny part is that Athrun was part of his team and I met him that way too."

"Incredible! I can't believe I'm hearing this! _Go on_!" They urged me.

"So after we reunited, after the fight in Onogoro, we decided to stick with each other and to go to the PLANTs again. This is when I joined the Clyne factory and when Yzak, also joining, proposed. It wasn't really conventional but I didn't care: he was there and he violated the PLANTs orders to stay with me and to fight alongside my friends and I. I can't imagine kissing another man." I replied, making them squeal.

"This is _so_ romantic! I want a guy to propose to me! When is it going to be my turn?" asked Lunamaria, her voice sweetly angered. Engagement wasn't something funny at all: it was a reminder that your love still existed and that it wouldn't be shattered by anything. It wasn't like playing with dolls. "So, how's the sex with Commander Joule?" asked Belva, making me cough in embarrassment. I almost slipped and fell down. "Come on, we're dying to know, here! You're the only one who had sex here and you have to tell us how it is." Commanded Meyrin.

"I...uh... I mean, I don't really know if I should..." I started, trying to evade the obvious question.

"Cut the shit, Kim." Replied Luna.

"Alright: Yzak's an amazing lover. Not too rough and not too kinky." I stated. "And that's all I'm saying." I added, earning some 'awww!" and 'not fair!'. I couldn't help but to think about Shinn at that precise moment, which really embarrassed me even more. Thank the Lord for having cabins. "That Shinn... why is he so upset with life?" I asked out of the blue.

"Shinn had a rough past. I don't think we should be talking about it, though. I don't want to ruin my whole day. Anyway, Kim: Shinn's been talking about you ever since you joined us on the Minerva. The poor thing likes you, it's obvious. I know you're engaged and everything... but maybe you can go and talk to him about things... and to fucking calm him down. I can't stand the asshole any longer. He needs to lie off the attitude and to jack off once in a while." Replied Belva, making both Luna and Meyrin laugh.

"I told you guys he needs a girl." Added Belva, exiting her shower. Lunamaria and I soon followed and we dressed up again. While putting on my dress, Lunamaria couldn't help but to stare, which I found amazingly annoying. Her violet eyes were now shining with admiration and mine with annoyance. "You have to tell me how you got that body. Can I ask you a favour, Kim? Would... Would you train us? I mean, like in the military? Make us look like you?" asked Lunamaria, her hands in a praying position. I frowned. "Why would you want that? You look nice enough." I replied.

"I want legs like yours." Replied Belva.

"And your upper body." Added Meyrin. I smiled.

"I'll think about it, ladies. Now I have to get out of here before I faint." I exited the room and smelled the fresh cold air of the Minerva. It was nice to be alone again, just to hear the silence of the ship. I decided that a nice sunset wouldn't upset me either. I walked along the corridors and permitted myself to hum a random song, which happened to be one of Lacus, one that I particularly liked. I mean, I liked all of her songs but this one, that I couldn't remember the title, was soothing me more than anything else right now. I opened the sliding doors that lead to the outside dock of the Minerva and walked out. The fresh breeze of the water hit my clean face and washed a bit of the water in my hair. My body was still damp from the shower I had taken but it felt amazingly pure to just stand here and to watch the red and orange glow of the setting sun. I leaned on the ramp of the dock and just let my eyes close and relax, for the briefest moment. I heard the door opened again and I turned around, expecting Athrun. But it wasn't him. It was Shinn Asuka. I approved his presence with a mere nod and looked away again.

"I see you've found my spot. You have the right to take it from me, then." He said.

"I don't wish to be at war with you, Shinn. I merely want to show you another way of thinking that perhaps would fit you better. You know, I don't hate you. I just hate the way you constantly think. Don't worry: I'm not wearing my gun belt today though I would like to warn you that I have a knife in my boot and that I'm not scared of using it if you pose a threat. Are we clear?" I asked. He took a moment to think but he ended up nodding and walking towards me, placing his body next to mine, also leaning on the ramp. "Why are you always so alone, commander? Why do I always feel like nobody can understand you?" asked Shinn.

"Is that why you don't like me? Because you can't read me easily? I'm not going to weep on my past, if that's what you want from me. I know this sounds cold and that it seems I don't care, but I don't want to put you with my private life. I would hurt you more than you can imagine. You think you know me but yet you don't really know anything. You're right about my age, though. I turned eighteen six months ago, in February." I said, smiling. "What else do you want to know about me that wouldn't hurt you?" I asked, trying to ease the situation.

"Since when are you friends with Athrun?" he asked. The kid was curious after all.

"I met Athrun about two years ago, while fighting the war. He was kind to me and he lived a lot alike. Anything else?" I asked.

"When did you know Cagalli Yula Atha?" he continued. I frowned.

"That might hurt you. I can't answer." I replied. He turned around to face me and his eyes darted invisible missiles at me. _"I can take it!"_ He seemed so convinced I fell for it. I knew this would devastate him but he deserved to know the truth. "I met Cagalli also two years ago, in a desert in Africa. We fought alongside for a couple of months and then I learned... that she was and is still my biological sister." And that's when Shinn's heart stopped beating. He didn't have control over his body anymore and it was like I was the worst asshole in the whole wide world. He suddenly grabbed my collar and almost towered over me. "You're her _sister_? How can you be her sister, you're a _Coordinator!_ Answer me! How can a person like you be her damn sister?"

"It's simple really: we have the same mother and father." I replied. I thought that being a smartass would end up easing the situation but it only made it worst. He really despised the Atha and that was something I didn't quite understand: why was he so pissed at her? Why did he hate her so much? "What do you want me to say? To cry because she was born normal and I wasn't? If only you knew the whole truth! What do you want from me?" I screamed, pushing his arms out of the way, making him shiver in disgust. "What do you want me to do, Shinn? Deny her existence? I love her, I can't do that. As I said, you only know the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my private life and that is why I don't really want you to know any more of it."

"I want to know when you started piloting." He asked. It wasn't a question really, it was more like an order.

"I started to pilot at the age of eight. I was enrolled in the military at nine and I was given my first Mobile suit at ten. It was marvellous, the most powerful feeling I've ever felt. That was until I piloted something even more extraordinary, something that helped me win the previous war. But that would destroy you even more. That I _really_ can't tell. You've heard enough already." I said, about to leave. He quickly grabbed my arm and squeezed it. "Tell me. Now." I frowned and closed my eyes. All of the shame of the past years suddenly rushed into me and tears overflowed my eyes. **I shouldn't be crying. I promised myself to never cry about that again.** "Shinn, I was the pilot of the GUNDAM Vengeance." His eyes widen and he stopped breathing, his body frozen in time. "No...! This can't be...!" was all he managed to say.

"I fought alongside the Freedom and its pilot. I... I fought in the battle of Onogoro, when you're family was killed. I can't remember the details, really... I wasn't entirely there, when I fought... I am so sorry... I can't even phase the words, let alone phase my feelings... You can hurt me, if you want. You have the right, I give you the permission. Suffering for suffering. I just wanted to say to you how I felt: I am ashamed and I wish I could take it back, but I can't... _**and it's so hard!" **_I yelped. I fell on my knees and covered my face with my arms. I probably had killed his family and I didn't even know. He quickly grabbed my arms again and helped me back up. I didn't want to look at him... that was until his lips crashed on mine, his tongue urging to find mine. My eyes were open with shock and my body was still, in his arms. His hands moved to my lower body and reached my butt, which he gently squeezed in my palms. His lips were nothing like I imagined: I though them to be rough and to be cold but they were warm and welcoming. I didn't know if I wanted more but all I knew was that I didn't have the strength to fight back. When he released, he simply walked away inside and left me alone, in the young night.


	12. Phase 12

**I do not own Gundam Seed Destiny's plot or characters.**

The last events had been running through my mind like a crazy hurricane blowing everything in its path. Shinn Asuka was a dead man, no: a _walking_ dead man. He dared to touch me in a way that was inconceivable. He should never had done that. **Oh my God! What if Yzak got word of this incident? He's going to chop his head off... and mine in the process!** I walked around my bedroom like a mad woman trying to find ease but nothing would work: I had tried pills, sleep, a shower but nothing would do. It was morning and I didn't have a single clue why the fuck he had done that. "I swear Shinn Asuka, if you want to play this game, I'm sure I can play too. You want to ruin my life, I'll simply make yours a living hell." I mumbled. I punched several walls earlier and I felt like I didn't meet my fix yet. I had to punch mine... which was in a pretty solid material. I busted my hand so bad I had to bandage it. The worst part of it was that I couldn't numb the still feeling of his lips on mine: I could still taste them quite vividly.

"Arg! I'm going to kill that son of a bitch!" I screamed, earning a well earned chuckle from Athrun Zala, which had opened the door of my room and was staring at me. His emerald green eyes were full of misunderstanding and his mouth was curled in a smirk.

"What are you laughing about? _How come_ you're laughing? What... What do you know, exactly?" I demanded, always looking straight in his gaze. "Don't... don't tell me you saw that horrible scene, did you?" I asked, almost grabbing his collar. He couldn't keep a straight face.

"If only I knew he would have kissed you, I would have stopped him in his tracks and beat the crap out of the kid, but I was surprised myself. Oh, if only I knew this was going to turn ugly, I swear I would have stopped it, Kim. But... I didn't except it, after what you said to him: after all, you confessed you might have killed his family by accident, which I expected he would have taken badly, but... It seemed he didn't react that way... Really, I'm not worried about you. I'm more worried about Shinn than anybody else in this moment." He answered.

"I was _forced _to kiss that jerk and you're not worried about me?" I exclaimed.

"Actually, I'm scared of what Yzak will do to him. He might just blow his head up with his gun or he might stomp him flat with his Mobile suit. He might also take a liking into torturing and..."

"**Shut up!** You're not helping!" I snapped to him, making him even more at ease. I sat down on my bed and put my head in between my knees, Athrun sitting beside be, his hands together. He couldn't really say anything and it made me nervous for him not to talk and to lecture me, as he always did. On top of that enormous pile of crap, I had a meeting with the pilots that morning. The subject was: "How are we going to destroy the enemy?" and "In what efficient matter are we going to dismiss the Earth Alliance's forces without having to kill them entirely?" Already, the Minerva was moving and Athrun and I had no time to lose. "Kim, we should get going. I know you're troubled right now... but we have to do this." I nodded and felt a thump. I looked at Athrun and he smiled. He always knew the answers and it reassured me to have him with me.

"This must mean we embarked our guest..." he mumbled. I tried to follow, but I told myself that maybe it was better that I didn't know everything about this unsure situation. Knowing myself, I would probably blow off like a mine at the littlest thing I didn't like about our plan. This 'local co-operator' was going to help us determine crucial points of the enemy's territorial weapons and whereabouts. Athrun and I walked across the hallways of the Minerva and I stayed silent with my still going-on rage that was building inside me. **If he ever talk to me... that bastard is going to get it!** As we were nearing the conference room, a little girl made her appearance by Arthur's side. Man, was that girl, or woman, small and fragile-looking. Her petite frame and her childish figures gave her the look of a twelve year old. I frowned but when Athrun and I reached to her, we shook hands and entered the room, already full with the Minerva's pilots and high commanders. As Arthur, the 'co-operator', Athrun and I entered the room, everyone of them rose and saluted. I nodded my head towards the girls, Lunamaria, Belva and Meyrin and my eyes moved on the front row until it reached a sour point of view: Shinn Asuka.

"She's just a kid...!" murmured the crew, making the girl twitch. She frowned and for a minute, I thought she was going to pout.

"Please be seated." Ordered Arthur. The members of the crew seated themselves immediately and an odd silent pierced the room. "Well, let's get to it, then..." continued Arthur. "This briefing is to explain the details of the plan to destroy the Alliance's troops in this area. I'm sure you're all aware that taking out this battery of enemies is a bit of a tall order. The other team already tried to make an attempt through their forces. But the mission was... uh, unsuccessful. But this time will be different, right... Athrun, Kim?" he asked, taking us both by surprise. "Uh..." I managed to let out.

"You guys can take it from here." Said Arthur. "Please explain the plan." Ordered Arthur, also taking a seat. "Uh, alright." Athrun started the projector and the machine displayed a map of the area we were in. "This is an overhead view of Golmahan and the Lohengrin Gate. The town lies behind this bluff here..." pointed Athrun while I checked if everyone was listening. And the power plant itself lies just beyond the town, which is right here. The only way to approach the area is to follow this rigid line the ravine. However..." he said, looking at me.

"However, this place holds a positron cannon on the bluff here, covering the entire area we want to approach. There's no cover to speak of because that blasted thing covers all of the place we can get in. Around the positron cannon, the area is heavily guarded with Mobile suits, including Mobile armours equipped with positron reflectors. As a result, setting up with a direct it would be kind of..."

"Impossible?" guessed Arthur.

"I was about to say _stupid_, but impossible can also be a possibility. I understand that you guys encountered a similar mobile armour that battled you out of the coast of Orb..." I said, looking at Lunamaria, who nodded.

"That's right." Confirmed Shinn, which I ignored.

"So, our objectives in this operation..." continued Athrun, but Shinn quickly intervened. "So you want us to destroy the mobile armour, blow the hell out of that positron cannon and then go into Golmahan, right?" Shinn restored his cold face attitude and Rey and Lunamaria sighed and rolled their eyes. I looked at Athrun and tried not to make it evident that I wanted to hurt that kid.

"That is what we want to do. But now we need to talk about how we are going to accomplish these goals. Ideas, Commander Desjardins?" I was about to reply when Shinn decided to interrupted me and smirked. "I can take care of them... If I put my mind to it." I clenched my fists and Athrun grabbed my arm, trying to calm me down but I snapped and glared back at my friend. I turned my glare to Shinn and I smiled.

"Wow, would you do that for us? Oh yes: we'll just wait behind like _complete_ idiots while you go in there and kick their asses, but thank you! Don't forget to tell us when you're all done and maybe you could go and grab a shower and eat before you do so." I said, obviously mocking the shit out of him. He blushed and replied :

"What...? You want me to do, what? It's just...!" he tried to say, but his fear of acting alone took over him and Lunamaria giggled beside him, making me the woman who laughed about Shinn.

"Now, let's discuss a more _realistic_ plan. Miss Conneil..." The girl quickly came back from her pouting and looked at Athrun. "Uh, yes?" Athrun looked at Shinn and looked to her. "This is the pilot you have to give the data to."

"No way! _That big mouth?" _she exclaimed, making me smirk. She looked at Shinn with almost disgusted eyes and I couldn't help but to smirk even wider. After all, humiliation is a game more than one person can play. I would lower his self esteem, bash his confidence and publically humiliate him for what he had done to me. Shinn, being glared at by the young woman, also frowned and said: "You have a problem?" almost too cockily.

"Look: this whole plan hangs on a pilot who can pull out some pretty hot flying. Are you sure this guy is pretty much up to it?" she asked Athrun, this one knowing he'd had to question himself about that. But Athrun didn't have time to think: he had to act and say something to save Shinn's reputation... but then again, he didn't have time. Shinn jumped out of his seat, furious that someone had questioned his abilities as a pilot, letting out a "Say what?", making both Lunamaria and Belva sigh loudly. "Please, miss Conneil..." started Athrun, but I shook my head to convince him to be quiet.

"What? I mean, aren't you FAITH members the Commanders? Shouldn't you be the ones flying a mission like this? I mean... come on... look at him..." she began whispering. "Don't you think he's a little... too impulsive...?" she asked Athrun, who gave me an almost approving look. "If he goes in and screws this up, we might as well kiss my town goodbye!" she exclaimed, her anger finally getting the best of her. I grabbed her arm to calm her down and Shinn, almost like a spring flower, rose from his seat once again and procrastinated.

"Who the hell does she think she is? She's just a brat!" he spat out.

"Shut up! I can't determine which of you is more likely acting like adults!" I said, regaining a little bit of my power, at least scaring the girl to silence herself. Athrun was about to lose his cool and my grip on the girl got more powerful by the seconds Shinn talked. She began to wince and I let go before she screams. "Who the hell do you think you are, Shinn Asuka? Yeah, you heard me: who the hell do you think you are? Right now, you'll sit down, shut the fuck up and listen to what your Commander has to say! Do I have to take out my gun again? Because if I do, this time it won't be to fool around. It will be to shut your trap for good!" I said, petrifying the whole room, even Shinn, to a certain point.

"Say... have Athrun and Kim fly the mission..." mumbled Arthur, earning "ugh?" from the pilots. "I never really thought about having him do it... but now that I think about it..."

"Deputy Captain, I suggest you be quiet as well!" screamed Athrun, earning an awkward silence.

"Sit down, Shinn!" demanded Athrun, which Shinn complied and sat down, mumbling insults under his breath. "Shinn is very capable of doing this, Miss. You have my word." She looked at me for confirmation. "Don't look at me, girl. I'm not the one deciding."

"But I would feel much more comfortable if you piloted the mission, Miss Desjardins..." she said, winking at me.

"Hell to the no." I replied, crossing my arms. "Please give the data to mister Asuka." I ordered her. She sighed and shrugged the data into Shinn's hands, which he refused, crossing his arms and looking away, closing his eyes. "Shinn, take it..." warned Athrun.

"Maybe you should do like the little girl suggested. We don't want to lose her town because I screwed up, right? You probably think you or even Commander Desjardins would do a better job. You don't want to say it but that's what you're thinking!" he exclaimed, making my breathing uneasy. Athrun regained his calm demeanour and looked at me, giving me the jurisdiction on this one, which I happily accepted. I stepped off the platform and replaced Athrun as head of commands... for a bit. I took data and looked at it. "Fine. I'll do it if you don't want to. I won't be the one kissing your ass to save our lives. And yes, I can sure do a better job than you, lazy bum. I'd wipe your ass at it." I put the data in my pocket.

"Kim, what are you...?" asked Athrun, a bit confused.

"He said it himself: he won't be able to do it and will screw this up. I don't intend to fail this mission, Athrun. He's just a brat, let alone a worthy pilot. I won't have a toddler pilot to save lives. If he's going to learn the right way to respect others, he'll learn it from me. I remember telling you this already, Commander Zala." I replied, winking at him. Of course, I never intended to pilot this mission. I just used a _little bit_ of psychology to disrupt Shinn's feelings and earn an apology later. Shinn's bright red eyes looked at me like he wanted to burn my face and I held to the data inside my pocket. I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Kids these days..."

"_Approaching point B. The operation is about to commence. All hands stand by. Deputy Captain Arthur Tryne, report to the bridge, please." _Said the voice calling out for battle. Arthur ran out of the room, leaving it boiling with anger and with humiliation. But the one with tears in her eyes weren't Shinn, but that girl.

"What is it now? Is there something else you want to say?" asked Shinn, noticing the girl was glaring at him, her bright teal eyes full of water. She sighed and took a deep breath. She wasn't obligated to talk about her horrible past but she did so anyway. Maybe that would motivate Shinn to think less about himself and more about others around him.

"The last time ZAFT attacked the battery, my town paid a terrible price. A rebellion broke out in the town at the same time as the attacks. Those who resisted the Earth Forces faced unspeakable tortures... So many people were killed... If we fail again, who knows what awful things will happen...! That's why... that battery must be destroyed!" she said, in between angry sobs. _Please_, I beg you! Do not fail! For my people... do not fail us..." she said, almost ready to break down. Athrun walked towards her and escorted her out of the room, leaving me with the other pilots, including Shinn. I touched my pocket and took out the data hardrive and looked at it briefly before handing it to Shinn. "You take it or you leave it." I said to him, also exiting the room, leaving him with loads of questions but happily confused.

When I reached the elevator's front doors, Lunamaria and Belva reached to me and put a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to face them and they were wearing a bright smile on their faces. "I can't believe you had the restraint to punch Shinn earlier! He's such an asshole! I mean, disrespecting you and Athrun like that! It's unforgivable. And Athrun... the man tries so hard for us..."

"Yeah, I mean... he's so calm and reserved... and amazingly outspoken at the right times..." continued Belva, almost falling on a cloud when she spoke of him.

"Girls, I hate to disappoint, but Athrun is... well, he's taken. And he's too old for you... mentally, I mean... And that thing you said about Shinn... Well, he may sound like an asshole, but I think it's not that simple... if he's so attached to change things, maybe he could one day change the world... He's a good person... just a bit _too_ stubborn..." I mumbled, getting on the elevator, leaving the females pilots behind. When the Minerva gave a little tug, I knew it was ready to engage battle. We all ran to the hangar and hopped in our machines, the Victoire shiny with all the repairs and modifications. Its bright turquoise color made its yellow eyes gleam like a falcon's. **This machine is incredible. Simply... I don't have words for it... **

Shinn was the first one to embark on the ejection platform and the separate parts of his GUNDAM Impulse were displayed on others for standby. Athrun was next to be ejected and Shinn made a successful launch, leaving his place to his Commander. I learned I was going to be next so I advanced the Victoire near the next platform and was immediately put on one, moving upwards to the catapult. As soon as Athrun was out, I was in the hatch chamber, ready to be ejected.

"_System all green! Launch, Commander Desjardins!" _

The violent push sent the Victoire right through the hatch chamber and propelled my Mobile suit outside the Minerva, the bright desert sun gleaming in its main window. Shinn engaged rapidly into the ravine Athrun talked about earlier and I followed him, Athrun always preferring the back to the lead. I followed the Impulse's legs and arms as the Core Splendor, piloted by Shinn himself, sliced through the air and showed us the way the co-operator showed us. She indicated Shinn that there was a secret passageway we could use: a tunnel only known by a few members of the town she lived in, not too far from where we were. In the distance, I could see the cave the girl referred to, but she never mentioned it was that small! How could the Victoire fit into such a tiny whole? Of course, that's why Athrun wanted the Core Splendor out today: it was the only machine small enough to fit in the hole that would lead to the rear of the battery.

"Athrun, we've got a problem." I said, making Athrun stop in his tracks behind me, Shinn moving on to the mission.

"I see you've figured out a crucial detail of the mission, Kim."

"Are you some kind of imbecile? _We don't fit in there! _Do you have another genius plan like that?_"_

"I figured out that the Core Splendor would fit in the cave but I knew our own Mobile suits wouldn't. As you thought, we'll have to take the direct way there, to meet up with Shinn at the other side of the ravine. I gave him this mission because I knew he wouldn't be able to stand up to the forces that are awaiting us farther on our route. He took this way because I wanted to protect him. Obviously, we're the ones who will have to confront the massive forces to back up Shinn. I thought I did well." He said. I smiled. Athrun was always so careful when he planned something it always amazed me, every single time.

"You're a genius among geniuses, Athrun." I heard him chuckle.

"Oh but I know. The Minerva and the other mother ships will try to invade by the front and we'll destroy the troops and armaments front the back while Shinn takes care of the battery, which is in the middle. The only way I found to keep him alive today was this way. I'm sorry... I knew you would have done a better job, but..." he started, the Saviour approaching the Victoire.

"Never mind that! I get to be with you! I say we bash those mother fuckers and go home safely." He sighed.

"You're a Commander now, Kim. Use a cleaner language..."

"Oh come on! Don't be a wuss, Athrun." I charged the Victoire forward and Athrun quickly followed me around the ravine, waiting for the eventual attack... but where were the troops protecting the battery? There was nothing in sight but sand and rocks. I was a bit confused and frowned. "Athrun, do you really think this is the... _**Oh, shit!" **_The thing I feared the most in combats was to sneak up on someone when it was the opposite: we were heading straight to them, their troops right in front of us, waiting with their guns in the air. "Move Athrun! They knew what we planned all along!" The Saviour evaded the deadly beams from the Earth Force's Daggers and I plunged forward, slashing through three mobile suits with one swing, making a pass way for Athrun to use. We got through the major part of the defence of the enemy untouched and when we arrived at point B to rejoin with the Minerva, Shinn had resurfaced from the tunnel and was battling with other Mobile suits. Little did he notice that the deadly efficient Mobile armour was coming behind him and I swung the Victoire in the air, pushing the Impulse on his side and hitting the Mobile armour with the tip of my laser sword.

"Always look behind you!" I said to him. He could have ruined the whole plan if that Mobile armour got to him. I pushed the Mobile armour and kicked it on the head. Its spider like shape reduced its height to my Mobile suit's knee so direct physical attacks weren't the problem. The positron beam began to glow and I flew upwards, evading the hit. I let the Victoire float in the air as I let out a strategy to make this thing explode without having to kill someone from my team along the way.

The Mobile armour's heavy positron reflecting shield was its absolute defence and it covered the entire body, from its legs to its head. How was I supposed to destroy it? As I evaded the hits it was sending me, I looked on my side to see how Shinn was doing. The kid had a rough time getting past through the heavy troops but the Minerva drawn closer to the battlefield and the three remaining pilots, Rey, Lunamaria and Belva, beamed the enemies one by one to create a passage for Shinn to take to the Lohengrin battery. I looked at the main cannon but saw it was being draw in the ground, almost out of reach.

"Shinn, you have to act now! They're retrieving the battery!" He immediately flew to the giant positron cannon but this one little bugger kept in his way, stopping Shinn from any moment on the destruction of that blasted thing. I looked behind me and saw the Mobile armour coming on to me, his shields already out, ready to set me off like a bad habit. "Kim, help Shinn! I'll take care of this one!" said Athrun within the bright red Saviour. I paced to the Impulse and pushed away the remaining Dagger and kept a good grip on it. "Do it, Shinn! We don't have time anymore!" The teen hurried to the closing gates and it was almost too late: the cannon was disappearing in the ground! I had only one left. I threw the machine I was holding, knowing I would kill the pilot in the process. I threw the Dagger in the crack and Shinn shot, making the Dagger and the main Lohengrin explode, the shockwave so violent it pushed us over the ravine. It took several minutes before Shinn regained conscience and I helped him and the Impulse up, releasing him immediately after. We were then called by the Minerva to rejoin them into the now free town, along with Athrun and the others. I let the Victoire's fee touch the ground and placed her beside the Saviour. I was exhausted for it was one of the hardest missions I had to do in my life.

I looked past my shoulder and saw, on the ground, Shinn being patted and thanked by the free revolutionaries and citizens. His eyes were gleaming with a proud shine and he looked up to me, in my cockpit. I smiled and waved hello while he was kissed by women and hugged by children. They were free, but at what price... They almost lost everything... I looked on the other side of the Victoire and saw the remaining Commanders of the Alliance's power plant being shot in the head for high treason and for treating people like shit for all of this time. I wondered why was it that living in this world could change so radically: one second you were the king and the second after, you were killed. **Is this really... what I was aiming for? Is this the correct way to do things? I wonder... Oh... I don't know what to think anymore...**

"Commander Desjardins, are you in there?" asked the Captain of the Minerva, Talia Gladys.

"Yeah... I'm here..."

"You can come back to the ship now... It's over for now." She said.

"Yes Captain..."


	13. Phase 13

The next morning, the Minerva, after two days of silent navigation on the black sea, docked in the city of Diokia, which was presumed to be a very beautiful, by the sea town. Already, I could see the beautiful copper houses with their red roofs and high cathedrals. Since the crew got a little time on their hands, they decided to go and eat something, so I followed them silently. I did my best to evade Shinn's looks and ignored him for the past three days but nothing would dissuade him. He tried to talk to me in private but I denied and refused. He tried to be nice to me but I didn't return the favour. He waved and smiled but I stayed like stone. He wasn't going to win this war. As we sat in the cafeteria and ate a little, the Captain, Talia Gladys, and Deputy Captain Arthur Tryne, had to go and meet the officials and the superiors.

When Vine opened the television and put it on the regional news, I almost fainted form embarrassment. Athrun, who sat sitting right beside me, almost dropped dead on his knees. There were three Mobile suits on the screen, two green and one pink, like Belva Sheen's Mobile suit. In the Amazon's hand was a signing Lacus Clyne, performing her most popular song in a horribly showy dress that made her body look like plastic. I was mortified by the images and Athrun almost threw up. As he almost spit the girl's real name, which was Meer, I punched him on the arm and he swallowed his stupidity. Lunamaria, Belva and Meyrin looked dreamingly at the television screen and sighed. "I wish I was as pretty, like her." They said, almost in unison. The boys, on the other hand, looked at her for different reasons... Shinn was sitting, his eyes closed, trying to get rid of a headache, probably, while his other friends were goofing around the monitor. She was giving a show right outside the harbour and the people here wouldn't want to miss it. I swiftly grabbed my coat and ran out of the room, followed by Athrun. We went outside to see what really was going on and as soon as we exited the docks, the soldiers affected here were pushing us to get better places to watch her signing, which was an abomination to the real Lacus Clyne. As we finally caught sight of Meer on that Mobile suit, Athrun and I sighed.

"This is horrible. I mean, look at her! They didn't even try to put her in clothes that would resemble Lacus's. It's... disturbing." I added, Athrun nodding beside me. The rest of the crew rejoined with us outside and I spotted Shinn, who was reaching for Athrun and I. "Athrun, I better go. Take care of them while I'm away." I said.

"Where are you going?" he whispered angrily. Of course he didn't like babysitting the crew but he would simply have to.

"On a walk. I'm sick of being on the Minerva." I replied, waving bye and getting past a too much enthusiastic crowd. They were signing and clapping their hands like they never saw a show before. I mean, it's not like Meer sucks at life or anything, she's just not the performer Lacus Clyne, the real one, was. The funny thing was that I didn't much care for her signing at all, but in times of need, I listened to her music to cheer me up. I stepped towards the exit when I saw guards in front of it. I figured that even I didn't have the authority to exit the perimeter so I stayed close to the gates, observing the crew members from afar and perfectly alone. Athrun had taken Meyrin, Belva and Lunamaria out of the people's way, where they wouldn't be pushed around like pieces of meat. Shinn wasn't far away from them but the most hilarious scene was Arthur jump dancing to Lacus Clyne, his long and snaky body moving up and down like a little girl. I couldn't suppress a smile. I regained my usual self and shook my head. "This is absolutely stupid..." As she finished her song, she went on rambling about us keeping peace in this world and how strong we were to fight against the people who would harm our families and such. I rolled my eyes and continued walking around like a vagabond, knowing I should be, as a FAITH member, taking care of my crew. "I have Athrun to do that." I said, smirking to myself.

Later, in the afternoon, we were asked to join a very important donator to ZAFT's cause and to dine with him at his almost say never castle, in Diokia. Since we had liberated that part of the world from the Alliance's oppression, it was only normal that we were invited to present ourselves to the nation. I was asked to accompany Shinn Asuka while Athrun had to accompany Lunamaria. Only the high pilots of the Minerva's crew could come and since Belva was the newest pilot, she had to stay on board and coordinate the repairs in the hangar. I had put on a deadly gorgeous deep green dress. Of course, I only had done so because everyone had to dress properly: it was not every day I was invited to a lord's place to eat. I brushed my hair and decided, for once, to let it loose, the silky black hair fell on my back like a second nature. I put on fancy shoes and quickly got out of my room, followed by Lunamaria, who had put a pretty purple dress of her own, Meyrin shooing her away from jealousy. Lunamaria was actually very pretty when she bothered to dress and to makeup properly. Her luscious fuchsia hair was really nice and her deep greyish eyes were luminous. "Oh my God, Commander! You're _so _beautiful!" she squealed, directing the attention on me.

"Uh... Thank you, Lunamaria... You look pretty as well..." I said to her, not knowing how to react to such a violent compliment. When Athrun rejoined with us girls, we were waiting outside, the wind brushing my face gently. Shinn and Athrun were wearing formal military suits, which was black and white. Shinn's red eyes matched his cheeks when he looked at me. His stare was glued to me, like he never had seen a woman before. The limo had taken us and the ride, on my side was silent. Lunamaria, on the other hand, was trying to entertain Athrun by talking nonstop. I rolled my eyes and looked outside at the beautiful scenery, Shinn awkwardly sitting beside me. When the driver stopped, we got out and Lunamaria and I gasped: this mansion was not only beautiful, it was enormous! It was very old, by the looks of it. We were invited to enter the house and I followed Lunamaria and Athrun while Shinn was lightly grabbing my arm. I snapped it out of sight and he gave up. When we reached the rooftop terrace, a very unexpected surprise awaited us: this so called donator was none other than the Chairman himself, also dressed for the occasion, accompanied by Talia Gladys and Rey Za Burrell. The gentleman that had opened the door for us had striking red hair and a handsome figure... I knew this man... It was...

"Miss Desjardins, the penniless woman, it is a pleasure to meet you again..." said Heine, shyly smiling to me. I gasped in delight and jumped on him, crushing him with a deadly hug. "H-How come you're here, Heine?" I asked him. I heard someone clear his voice and I turned around, blushing. The Chairman smiled to me and presented his hand. "I see you're already acquainted with FAITH member Heine Westenfluss..." he said.

"My dearest apologies, Mister Chairman." I said, bowing to him and shaking his hand afterwards.

"Oh, it's a pure delight to see that you two are friends! It's great to see such happy moments..." he said, trailing off. "Athrun, it's also an immense pleasure to see you again. It's been a while, Athrun and Kim. I'm in heaven to see that you two are safe and well. And... you are?" He asked Lunamaria.

"Oh! My name is Lunamaria Hawke, sir!" he then looked at Shinn and Shinn also presented himself. After all, last time they saw each other was when Cagalli was on the Minerva and he had me throwing a fit at him. "Ah, yes. I remember you quite well. I've heard you've done some amazing things, young man. You've been recommended for a decoration. I believe you'll have the results in your hands shortly." Said the Chairman to Shinn, who seemed quite happy about the news. "Thank you! Thank you, Mister Chairman!" he said, his blood red eyes glistering with pride. After a little bit of chitchat, the Chairman invited us to sit with him at the dining table, on the sunset lit terrace. The Chairman had heard of our performance during the last battle and was very impressed with our work: that was the reason for this meeting. "What you accomplished at the Lohengrin Gates was quite impressive on its own... And to think that your first engagement was in the Armoury One... you should be proud." Continued Gilbert, praising his newest prodigy, Shinn Asuka. The kid couldn't be happier, being complimented by the PLANT's Chairman.

"Commander Zala deserves the credit for a well built plan of operation. Yeah, well I just... I just executed my orders, sir." Said Shinn, for once acting responsibily. Maybe all of Athrun and I speeches had gone through his thick skull. "This great city was liberated because of you: you broke the enemies defence and shattered their armaments. You are a truly great team... I'm proud of each and every one of you... In any case, the whole world is in a state of turmoil right now..." the Chairman trailed off. Talia Gladys, sitting next to the most powerful man in the PLANTs, took a sip of her tea and put it on the table afterwards. "Have there been... any new developments in outer space? What about the Earth Forces on the move?" she asked, obviously concerned. He also took a sip out of his tea cup and said:

"Nothing has changed. Every now and then there are tensions but nothing very damaging or too serious. And as far as the Earth is concerned, I'm in the dark here as well... So many variables..." he said, thinking aloud. "Like the area here, other places wish to fight the Alliance and have requested our aid in doing so... This leads me to ask this unfortunate question: what are you doing here?"

"Has there been any advance toward a cease fire or something like that?" continued Talia.

"Most certainly not. The Alliance won't compromise on anything. We do not wish for this war to continue... but as things are now, there's nothing we can personally do about it. Well, maybe this isn't a subject I shouldn't be raising before such fine soldiers such as you guys. But during a war, choosing a path involving fighting is a much harder decision than deciding to go to war." Said the Chairman, which I found to be fundamentally wise and precise.

"Yes but...!" squealed Shinn, making Athrun nervous. I was about to snap something to shut him up but the Chairman found himself interested in what the teenager had to say. "What is it?" Shinn suddenly realised that he raised his voice too loud and too quickly and felt shy. "Oh... I'm sorry sir, for speaking out of terms." This made me internally laugh. "It would be out of the ordinary..." I mumbled, making Lunamaria giggle. "Is there something you would like to add, Miss Desjardins?" asked Talia, in evident warning.

"No, not at all. Shinn can resume his ideas." I replied.

"Go ahead... If you have something on your mind, please don't hesitate to tell me." Said the Chairman, his cat eyes glimmering with a golden light. I found it most unexpected for such a high representative to even find something a teenager has to say interesting. Perhaps I was a little bit wrong about my prejudice against this Gilbert... "I value all comments of the people who are fighting on the front lines. You could say I invited all of you here because I wanted to hear the various opinions of my soldiers, my people." He continued.

"I think it's definitely important to avoid fighting whenever we can, sir. But if the enemy is threatening us, then we have no other choice! If we don't fight when there are all these needs, then we won't be able to protect anything, not even ourselves. Innocent people who want to have normal lives should be protected...!" concluded Shinn. Athrun opened his mouth and closed his eyes.

"Yes... but there's a problem with that. A friend asked me a question once. 'If a person kills for vengeance and then is killed for being a killer, then how will we ever find peace?' When I was first asked that question, I was unable to come up with a valuable answer... and I'm still at loss... That's one of the reasons I am back here... back on the battlefield..." he trailed off, in deep thinking. The Chairman looked at me and he faintly smiled. "What do you think about that, Kim?" I closed my eyes and thought for a moment, before answering:

"I was taught that fighting was always the answer. Of course, while growing up, I realized that always fighting became a problem: I was tiring myself out of all that anger building up inside of me. Fighting made me lose the most precious things I had in life... and it still ruins me today. But... fighting is the only thing I've known all of my life, from the first moment I could remember, when I was a child... Today, I'm still fighting, but for a better purpose than revenge... How I wish I could go back and undo the mistakes I did... But I can't. So I try to not repeat the same errors I did in the past to provoke less suffering for everyone... War is a complicated matter, even for gown ups... we are all children in this situation... looking for someone to look up to for answers..." I said, earning an impressed look from the Chairman.

"Very impressive for such a young woman... You are very wise, Kim. Never forget what you are and who you are. This will help you carry on your ideas of life... But the question still remains: why do we keep fighting if there's no end of it in sight? Why don't wars ever go away? Throughout History, people have cried out how much they hate war and the pain and bruises... What are your thoughts on this?" he asked openely to us.

"Because people benefit this insufferable situation we are in." I said to quickly cover my mouth with my hands, not believing what I just said. Of course it was the truth, but now they would think that I thought of it as well, making me look even guiltier. The Chairman looked at me once more and smiled. "Yes, it's quite true: there are people like that who profit from the pain of others to make themselves more powerful. They hate and fear people who are different, like us... If you look in the shadows of this war, you'll have no trouble finding Logos, on the road... since it was_ they_ who created Blue Cosmos..." I felt this tingling sensation in my stomach, like I was back in the past again. Athrun noticed my strange behaviour and he took my hand, holding it firmly, trying to calm me down.

"No way!" said Shinn.

"They are the source of all our difficulties. As long as we're all dancing to their tune, the PLANTs and the Earth will most likely never the end of combats and fighting..." said the Chairman with a grave look on his face. I frowned and banged my hand on the table, making Athrun gasp. "How can you pull that one off? How can you blame all of this shit on one single organization? Is putting all the responsibility for this on other people the true path to follow, Chairman Durandall?" I asked loudly, making Talia extremely nervous, my eyes sending sharp glares at the Chairman, this one looking back at me with caution. "We are all responsible for this! We can't just blame others while we're at it too!" I replied, snapping my hand from Athrun's grip.

"Is that what you truly think, Miss Desjardins? That we are perhaps aggravating the situation?" asked the Chairman.

"Of course: we're fighting back! I am not saying we should just lay there innocent, but reconciliation must be the path we chose! You said it: with fighting, this will never end. Why aren't just able to talk like civilized people? After all, even we're a bit different, we're still humans. This is completely irrational to me." I said, making the Chairman smile. "Kim, sit down!" whispered Athrun anxiously.

"What you just said is the absolute truth, Miss Desjardins. If it all possible, I will change everything... If possible..." said the Chairman, looking at the sky. "But this task before us... too almost too difficult to imagine..." The meeting came to an end abruptly and the Chairman invited us to follow him to the inside of the mansion. I stayed silent for the longest time and Athrun wasn't leaving my side, afraid I might say something stupid again. "So, we can stay here for the night, mister Chairman?" asked Lunamaria, surprised but delighted.

"Of course. After all, it's your time off... and the Chairman did make the offer. You have my permission." Replied Talia. "I think you should take his hospitality and stay the night. You guys at least deserve this much for everything you've done. You all earned it." She continued. Athrun soon offered to go back to the ship to take care of the rest of the crew but Rey stepped in, wanting to take Athrun's place. "Excuse me but I'll go back to the ship, please. I insist you stay, commander." I was about to smile when I heard the highest pitched voice screaming Athrun's name at the end of the corridor. It was Meer Campbell, the impersonation of Lacus Clyne. As she was running towards us, I couldn't help but to notice how large her breasts were, bouncing around like watermelons. "Oh really..." I muttered, rolling my eyes. She was giggling and the Chairman smiled.

"Oh, but it's Lacus Clyne!" he exclaimed. **No she's not, you dumbass! She's not Lacus Clyne! Look at her, the whore! She looks like a slutty version of Lacus Clyne! How can you live with yourself for this abomination, Chairman Durandall?** "It was a wonderful performance." He continued, playing his fooling game.

"Oh, thank you, Mister Chairman!" She ran past him and bumped into me to reach to Athrun and I grumbled something like: "she couldn't have felt this collision with all the extra cushion" and I made Lunamaria giggle again, Shinn like stone. She grabbed Athrun by the shoulders and hugged him, making my friend very uncomfortable. "Oh my, poor Athrun." I mumbled.

"I gave a performance today. Were... you able to see it?" she asked hopingly, wanting Athrun to praise her for her fake voice. Athrun nervously looked at me but I shook my head: I wasn't going to let him escape from her fatal attraction. "Uh, yes... It was good." He replied. "Oh really? What did you think of it?" she asked.

"Uh, well... Yeah! Fine." He replied, making me explode into laughter. I couldn't control it anymore. It was way too hilarious to not laugh. Of course, the others didn't understand my sudden outburst but I was laughing so hard I didn't even notice. I clutched to my stomach and tried... I tried so hard to stop. Finally, when I calmed down, the Chairman offered Athrun and Meer an evening supper, on him, at a fancy restaurant. That was my last straw. I would never let him forget that day, that moment where he felt so uneasy against her enormous breasts. Lacus, Kira, Cagalli, Yzak and I would die of laughter for the rest of our lives. They were about to leave but the Chairman stopped them in their tracks. "Uh, before you leave, I would like a moment of your time, Athrun." The Chairman invited Athrun and Meer outside while I was left with Lunamaria and Shinn in the hall: let me tell you, it was kind of awkward. Lunamaria and I were the only girls here and we were left with Shinn, who didn't exactly want Luna's company.

"Well, I bid you guys good night. I'll see you in the morning." I said to them, leaving them behind, looking for the one person that I found interesting to chat with, here: Heine Westenfluss. I looked for him on the lower levels of the mansion and found him sitting by the porch, in the back of the estate. "Heine! It's me!" I said, running towards him. He rose and saluted but I jumped into his arms, glad.

"I'm so happy you're alive! I thought that perhaps, you would have... you know..." I trailed off, letting him put the rest into words.

"You were afraid I would have died? Exactly who do you think I am, Miss Desjardins?" he said, hugging me back, his hands trailing in my back. His touch reminded me so much of Yzak's, it was scary. When he finally let me go of his grasp, we sat on the swinging chair on the proch and talked. "So you were assigned to the Minerva? And to a newly appointed model of GUNDAM? Why didn't you tell me who you really were? Why were you a politician, then?" he asked, which a not evident at all for me to answer.

"It was to protect myself. Since I had fought in the last war, I might have been a target for my close ones and myself too." He smiled but didn't say anything. There was an odd silence before he said: "Well, I'm truly sorry about you and Commander Joule. It really is sad news..." I frowned. "What are you talking about?" He frowned too.

"Well, I'm sorry about your engagement and how it must've been hard to break it off... Weren't you advised of the latest news? Commander Joule is to marry Shiho Hahnenfuss, one of his subordinates? Do you mean you weren't told _**by **_**him?"** he asked, outraged. The blood in my veins froze and tears began to slide across my cheeks. My whole world was crumbling in my sight, my heart broken. "No..."


	14. Phase 14

In one single second, my whole world, the reality I had tried so hard to keep alive in my head for the past two years was crushed and stepped on. I fell on the steps I was standing on and Heine grabbed my arm, to stop myself from knocking my head over the hard porch of the Chairman's mansion and he pulled me in a tight embrace, though it didn't stop me from sinking lower. Time had stopped and my eyes didn't focus anymore. My sight was at lost between the nice ocean view and the growing tears in my eyes. Heine didn't have the need to say much because I knew deep down, that he didn't know what to say. I felt humiliated, completely fooling and utterly... desperate. It has been such a long time... since I had felt that way. I was back there. Back where I didn't or wouldn't control anything anymore. I was back there and I couldn't do anything about it for I didn't care anymore. I got up and looked away from Heine.

"I'm so sorry I have to put you through this, Commander Westenfluss. It won't happen again, I promise. I think... I think I'm going to get a bit of rest. Yes, that will do me good. I'll see you tomorrow." I said my voice cold and my skin full of goose bumps. He noticed the sudden change of behaviour and frowned. "Kim? Is... Everything... alright... up there?" he said, pointing at my head. It wasn't indelicate, I said to myself. After all, he was trying to ease the situation. "I still have my head were it should be... after all, what am I to expect? I am just a soldier... I've never been much different for the last several years... and it's always going to be that way, isn't it?" I said, fighting the emptiness of my words and the tears wanting to roll down my cheeks.

"I guess you can say that... but are you sure you want... to be alone in a time like this?" he asked, always so politely and warm hearted. I quickly turned around and went back inside, where no one could see my distress. I clung to the walls, pretty much because I was dizzy and unaware. I looked around and tried to find my room, but it was higher in the mansion. I quickly took the elevator and it went up automatically, like it read my mind. My breathing was heavy and my arms felt like they were weighing at least a ton or two. I was feeling bizarre and I didn't like it. I wasn't a pleasant feeling: I was having something, something I've never experienced before. It was a broken heart. I needed to call someone. I wanted to call someone but who would listen to such a stupid girl that was thrown away by her fiancé? Who would, in a time like this? No one would.

When I reached my room, I pressed my hand on the unlocking system and the door made a distinct "click". I was about to reach for the inside when I heard boots, army boots ticking in the corridor, not far from where I was. I slowly focused my sight on the sound and found myself face to face with Shinn, his eyes looking directly into mine. "Kim, what are you...? What happened to you?" He asked, his voice crashing in my ears. "Just... Just go away." I said, opening my door and he quickly followed me inside. I was about to turn around and push him out when he grabbed my waist and pulled me to his tight chest, my head resting on his shoulder. I tried to push him away again but he wouldn't budge. It was turning in a ugly fight and I punched him in the stomach and he finally released his grasp. I quickly reached for the nightstand, where a gun was awaiting and pulled it out, pointing at the confused teen. "Of all time, you had to come tonight! Oh, I would like to pull the trigger, this time, Shinn Asuka!" I nearly screamed, Shinn backing away.

"Put the gun down, Kim! You're obviously upset about something! Let me help you!"

"_I don't need your help!_ I don't need anyone! I'm feeling like a crazy bitch tonight, so I suggest you _fuck off_ before I blow off your pretty little head! _**That's an order!"**_ I screamed at the top of my lungs, tears of anger blurring my vision. My long ebony hair had fell on my shoulder and my bangs were almost covered my eyes now. I was furious. I wanted to kill him so much. I wanted someone to hurt more than me. I wanted to see him dead because he reminded me of _him_. My hand was now shaking and my aim was messed up. I dropped the gun and gave up. I didn't have the strength to pull this one off. I just looked at him and silently pleaded him to leave me alone.

"It's about him, right? He hurt you, I would bet." He said. He was convenient enough not to even mention his name. I fell on my bed and let my head fall on the pillow harshly, the pain ripping my insides. I couldn't accept the fact that he had let me go for another one after all we had been through. I couldn't imagine him with another one but me but he did still. I couldn't keep away the anger and the rage anymore but I wanted to control it so much... I gripped the sheets of the bed and closed my eyes shut, letting the memories flash by inside my head. My body was now inert, thrown ahead in the moments that defined my happiness with him. His soft voice was like a melody to my ears and I could remember everything, starting to the conflict in the Desert, when I first officially met him to the last time we saw each other, the last time we made love. I had sunk into a deep sleep and didn't want to wake up, to reality.

When my eyes opened, it was all over. The dreams, the happiness, everything was gone like the wind. My head was empty and my room also. He was gone. Shinn was gone. I didn't expect him to stay and to watch me sleep or whatever I did to make my body stop from auto destructing. I sat up and felt a blood rush coming over to my eyes and head. I took a quick shower and while the hot water dripped in my body, I looked at the white gold right with a hexagon shaped diamond. I frowned and hit my head on the shower wall. I left the right on the counter and left the bathroom. I quickly dressed up and exited the room, feeling... empty. I couldn't describe the sensation of being alone, _this much_ alone. It felt... quite familiar. I didn't need to cry anymore: I didn't feel sad. I was just... _so_ angry. I walked in the corridor and saw Lunamaria in front of Athrun's room, ready to knock. When she caught my sight, she smiled.

"Good morning, Commander Desjardins. I was knocking to ask Athrun to come to breakfast with me. Do you want to join us?" she asked.

"No. I was just passing by..." The door suddenly opened and to my surprise, it was Lacus Clyne, or more like Meer Campbell, who had opened the door. I frowned and Lunamaria's eyes went round. **What in the world...? Don't tell me...! No!** "Oh, good morning! What can I do to help you?" asked Meer in her pink and faux fur nightgown, her long pink hair resting on her back. It nearly took everything from me not to punch her perfect face in. If she took advantage of Athrun... it would break my sister's heart... and that would mean trouble. Behind Meer appeared Athrun Zala half naked, something I never really intended to experience but I figured it couldn't be helped. "I-I was ju-just wonder-ring if Commander Athrun wan-wanted to j-join me for breakfast...? Asked Lunamaria absently, taken aback by Meer's beauty, which I found more annoying than anything. I was now glaring at the woman standing in front of us but she didn't seem to even notice it.

"Oh, it's very nice for you to ask, but Athrun and I were going out of lunch... in private. But you're really nice to ask, the invitation is really appreciated. Have a good day!" she said, about to close the door but I put my foot to prevent it from closing. I turned to Lunamaria and strictly said: "You're dismissed now. Off you go." She saluted me and eyed Meer angrily, turning her head and walking away. I reopened the door and slightly pushed Meer out of the way so I could see Athrun's blushing like crazy face. "What the hell is this all about?" I asked, looking out for both of them.

"Miss Desjardins, I would gladly ask you to leave the room so Athrun and I can..." she started but I quickly glared back at her and shouted: "Shut the fuck up you _whore_! The _real_ **Lacus Clyne** would _never_ do such a thing! Never...! Now get out of here before I seriously hurt you!" She quickly grabbed her stuff and left the room in a hurry, leaving Athrun and I alone. He sighed. "Thank you, Kim. This was really... embarrassing... What a dumbass! I mean, she was there when I woke up! I swear it's not what it looks like." He said, dressing up. **You fucking better mean it. I'm in no mood to punch the living daylight out of you today, Athrun. You better not have fucked this chick because I will kill you. **I decided to stay silent and exit the room to directly go down to the lobby, where I was instructed to wait for upcoming news. As I walked down the flight of stairs leading to the main floor, I saw in the distance Shinn and Lunamaria walking side by side, silent. Of course, we still had the day off but we had to meet, everyone here had to meet another FAITH member, apparently staying here, in the Chairman's personal hotel. I could still feel the numbness in my eyes from my crying and vivid dreaming. I noticed Heine was sitting there, drinking a warm cup of coffee, wearing his elite uniform... with a FAITH crest on it. **Oh! So Heine's this person we have to meet... I never really noticed why he's been here. After all, I barely know him...** When the red head saw me, he waved hello and I cheaply and shyly smiled back at him. I had a nervous breakdown with the guy, damn it! He would just deny it and probably think that life goes on.

"Hi there, Commander Desjardins. It's a beautiful day outside, isn't it?" he asked, trying to evade the obvious subject.

"Yes, the sun is finally coming out... It's going to be a beautiful day." I said, cutting out my daydreaming or my insanity. I looked outside and it really was beautiful, not weather you would expect after a harsh breakup. But I felt like rain inside: I felt more like a hurricane, blowing away everything in its path until nothing harmful is standing anymore. When Shinn and Lunamaria arrived next to Heine and I, they were finished talking about how Chairman Durandall couldn't stay longer and that he had to leave for the PLANTs again. There was still one more person missing for this meeting: it was Athrun Zala, who I imagined lying on his bed, tired of being the awesome person he is. I rolled my eyes and immediately thought of Cagalli, my dear sister. What would she have said? What would have been her reaction to this morning's situation with Meer? Would she have done the same thing as I have: just shut the fuck up? I was deeply in thoughts when I saw Shinn's gaze upon me. I immediately looked away, afraid he might take this long stare into something that is not. But he never ceased to look, his blood red eyes penetrating my every defence, one by one. Heine broke the silence harshly.

"Hey you two. I suppose you're from Miss Desjardins's team, am I right? You guys are all on board, on the Minerva? Where's the other FAITH member that's supposed to be with you guys?" Lunamaria blushed at the sight of such a handsome man and saluted. "Excuse my manners. Good morning to you, sir." Shinn, snapping out of his staring contest, also saluted. Heine smiled and I followed. "This is my subordinates, Mister Westenfluss: Lunamaria Hawke and... Shinn Asuka, red uniforms assigned to the Minerva." I was about to talk again when I heard her annoying voice: Meer Campbell, the bitch who was trying so much to impersonate my dear Lacus Clyne. Her loud, childish giggles irritated and aggravated me to a point where I just wanted to pick her eyes out and to punch her pretty little face until she said "sorry auntie."

"... This soldier's face turned to a bright shade of red!" she exclaimed, holding Athrun's arm, like he was hers. I looked at Lunamaria and rolled my eyes ever so discreetly but she didn't want discretion: she heavily sighed out of annoyance and crossed her arms. She had seen the way Meer was prancing around Athrun and that infuriated Lunamaria, which, I believed, had a deep crush for Athrun. I was surrounded by crazy fan girls. "Ah, never mind... I get the picture now..." trailed off Heine, apparently uncomfortable with this situation. He rose off his chair and looked into Athrun's direction, saying: "A pleasure to see you this morning, Miss Lacus." Athrun, also very annoyed by this whatnot bitch, saluted the FAITH member and smiled.

"Hello! Good morning!" said Meer, jumping around to get to Heine, which simply smiled back.

"Miss Lacus. I should say your show was quite a... success. The soldiers on the base were completely blown away by your performance. Something such as this little thing can help with everyone's morale." He said politely, trying to be as formal as possible.

"Did you enjoy my performance, Mister Heine?" she asked ever so childishly.

"... Of course! Like everybody here!" he said, not knowing what to say or more like hiding the real truth: her songs were damaged by her abnormal personality and...well, simply by the fact that she's not what she seems to be: a complete moron. "There was so much going on yesterday that I am afraid we were never really introduced." Said Heine, looking out at Athrun and leaving Meer beside Shinn.

"Special forces. I'm Heine Westenfluss. It's a pleasure to meet you, Athrun." He said, offering his hand for a friendly shake.

"Nice to meet you too. Athrun Zala..." he said, shaking the red head's hand.

"Yeah, I know. You're a celebrity. Although I heard you just recently returned to ZAFT. You used to be with the Le Creuset team, right?" I cringed at that maniac's name. "I was assigned to the Hawkins team during most of the Great war. You and I probably crossed paths at Jachin Due..." he said but was interrupted by Meer's bodyguards, who asked her to follow them. Resiliently, she went away, pleasing me with her departure.

"I can see you two are really close..." stated Heine, making me twitch.

"What...? Well, we're not _that_ close...!" quickly replied Athrun.

"Well, for my part, I see nothing wrong with it. If you ask me, it's a wonderful thing. So... you four and that blond fellow I met yesterday... that's makes five of you... You are the Minerva's pilots. The Impulse..." said Heine, pointing at Shinn. "A Zaku Warrior..." he continued, pointing at Lunamaria. "...The Saviour..." he said, pointing at Athrun. "...And the Victoire." He finished with me with a brilliant smile. "And the last one... pilots a Blaze Zaku Phantom." Said Heine, meaning Rey Za Burrell. "Yes...!" we said, speechless by this man's knowledge. "And you guys are members of FAITH, the Captain too." Finished Heine, concluding his analysis.

"Yes, that's right." Said Athrun.

"Despite your numbers, you actually have a lot of fighting capacity and strength. So, why is the Chairman assigning me to such a powerful ship...?" said Heine, wandering off in his thoughts. I gasped. **What? Heine's assigned to the Minerva? Like, now? How is that even possible?** With a lot of "what?", our team stayed silent, dumbfounded.

"You're assigned to our ship?" asked Athrun. "Yeah, it looks that way. Once I return to duty, that is. I'll be visiting the ship later to formally introduce myself. You know, this could be a pain in the ass, having four members of FAITH on the same ship... Oh, not to worry. On the front lines, we go where we are sent. The people calling the shot have a completely different view of the situation. Anyway, I look forward to work will all of you. The Chairman has high hopes for this ship. Let's try our best not to disappoint him, shall we?" he asked of all of us.

"Yes, sir. We'll certainly do our best." Replied Athrun, a little bit happier. Athrun had to be present to Meer's departure for the PLANTs and of course, we had to be present. Heine went outside and didn't reappear so I rolled my eyes again and followed Athrun, Shinn and Lunamaria outside, where the Pink Princess's chopper was waiting for her. Meer, always so pushy, tried to kiss Athrun on the mouth, which completely pissed me off. Of course, we stayed a bit afar from the scene. I stood beside Lunamaria and he muttered things only we could know, Shinn a couple of meters from where we were standing. Athrun, angrily pushing her away, sent her in the chopper and she was gone to another world where she could sing happily ever after, imitating after the real Lacus Clyne.

"Well, she's gone. I wonder what I should do for the rest of the day...!" loudly sighed Lunamaria, obviously still upset. I followed her silently, followed by Shinn and Athrun. We got back in and Lunamaria talked about wanting to do something nice outside, for once. Of course, she was implying being with Athrun, but my buddy was completely oblivious to it. "Oh, and maybe I should just go back to the ship..." she said.

"Oh, why don't you go with Shinn?" said Athrun, definitely setting her mood to zero. As we entered the elevator, Lunamaria was fuming, Shinn was confused, Athrun was oblivious and I was the only one not giving a fuck. The ride up was completely out of my league and I decided to stay silent beside Shinn because Lunamaria was bickering about Athrun spending time with that twit Meer.

"You know what? Maybe you've had a bit too much of relaxing, Commander Zala. You know, with Lacus. In my opinion, maybe you should to her and become her bodyguard." Said Lunamaria, referring to his old job as Cagalli's bodyguard. **Oh, bam.** Athrun was in shock and Shinn and I just completely out of this conversation.

"But you're a member of FAITH, so no one's going to say anything. At least one FAITH member in this dumb elevator has some sense..." she said and walked off when the elevator doors opened. "Now wait a minute, Lunamaria!" screamed Athrun, this time pissed off for good. She had struck a sensitive point and Athrun knew it wasn't going to be unpunished. "You can go now, Shinn." Said Athrun, pushing him away from this situation. "Oh, okay." He simply said, walking away. I stayed behind Athrun just to make sure this wasn't going to explode out of hand.

"So, are you going to hit me now?" she angrily asked, her bright purple eyes shining with pride. Athrun, having his load of shit for the day, was about to raise his hand when I swiftly grabbed it and pulled his arm behind him, causing him pain. I pushed him on the wall and he stayed there, completely phased by what just happened. "Are you out of your mind? _Are you hitting on women, now?"_ I asked him, putting him back into his righteous mind. "Are **you** out of **your **mind? I was about to _point_ with my **finger**, not to hit! _What's wrong with you?"_ screamed Athrun. Lunamaria had experienced two FAITH members pushing themselves around and it was a bit of a shocker for her. "Oh, I'm sorry, Athrun. Who knows when you're about to explode when you feel like we offended poor Lacus Clyne!" I said, obviously giving him attitude to lure Lunamaria away. She took the opportunity and quickly ran for it.

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"_You're fucking that __**whore**__ while my sister thinks she's__** engaged**__ to you! _And you try to protect that slut? How dare you? Do you want to end up dead?" I asked him, now rising my fists to show the aggression.

"I didn't sleep with Meer, damn it! Why can't you believe me?" he continued.

"Hello? She was wearing the most outrageous outfit when she opened the fucking door! She was more than half naked and was in your bed before Lunamaria knocked! I'm not a fool, Athrun! Who do you think I am?" I screamed, walking off.

"Kim, wait! I swear to God this is not what it looks like!" he said, trailing behind me. I was about to exit the mansion when the clerk ran in front of me, holding my engagement right. I almost puked at the sight of it. "Commander Desjardins! You forgot this in your bathroom! The cleaning lady picked it up for you!" he said, wearing a smile. Athrun finally reached to me and put a hand on my shoulder to spin me around when he saw his ring. "Dispose of it." I asked.

"What? But, this ring is beautiful! How can you even think of...!" the clerk started.

"I said dispose of it!" I loudly whispered because everyone was looking at me.

"...Of course, ma'am." Was all he said before he left to serve another client. I knew I was going to never hear the end of it but I pushed Athrun away but he grabbed once again. "Kim! You're engagement right? I don't understand!" he asked, almost hurt. I knew the tears were building up and I also knew I couldn't escape it. "Athrun: the man is now engaged to another woman. I am no longer with him... It's over."


	15. Phase 15

Athrun was in a total state of shock when he learned about Yzak and his new fiancée. We were sitting outside, where the sun was hidden behind the thick greyish clouds. My life was like the sky today: my happiness was shying away from me: it was clouded by new emotions and events. Athrun's deep green eyes were closed and he couldn't muster the strength to look at me in the face. "Athrun, you don't have to feel bad or anything. It's my fault, really: I should have been more attentive towards him. I wasn't a good partner to him: I stepped on his trust when I came back to my soldier life and I can't see him very often now. I can imagine why he would want a woman that will stay safe, under his protection." I said. Even though the words pained me, I still had to say them. Shivers ran up my back just thinking about it. I was furious against him for not even calling about and talk about it but I was even more outraged at myself for letting this go unaware for so long. I should have doubted that he didn't as often as before and that his voice was off when we were able to converse. "It is most certainly not your fault, Kim. You have done nothing wrong, really. I don't understand what is going on with him. I mean... he loves you so much... It doesn't make any sense." He said.

"He _loved _me, Athrun. He's moves on in his life, I figure. But the hole in my chest is back... And it's sucking every single shred of happiness I've had during the past year and a half. I am afraid of what I might do now, Athrun. I am no longer attached to anyone and I'm not sure I quite like it. I mean, no one's here to control me anymore. Yzak always said it would be fine... that everything would be fine..." I could feel the tears burning my eyes and Athrun let his arm wrap around my shoulder, his head resting on mine. My hands were starting to shake again and I couldn't control my sobs. Even if Athrun was there to ease my solitude, it was like there was no one to feel the same pain I suffered, no one to understand me. The feeling was cold and rusty: I've been there already. When Seth died, my whole world collapsed and I couldn't control anything around me. That was until Yzak appeared in my life as a friend and lover and not so much about being the enemy. When my thinking changed, my life changed. When I purged myself from hate, my path of life became clear. But where I am right now... It's horribly full of anger. I wish it could have been different, but I cannot change the flow of events. I regained my composure and smiled. "How can you manage a smile after all of this, Kim?" he asked with his smooth voice. **He's right, how can I do it? How can it be so simple?**

"Probably because I don't have a choice but to do so, Athrun. I do not have a choice. I am a soldier, I have to let go of my life and focus on the enemy, or what not. I wasn't born... I think I didn't choose the right verb... I wasn't _created_ to feel because just look what it does to me: I am a mess. I was put alive because of my fighter's instincts. Now, I have to use them once again." I said, getting up. "Where are you going, Kim?" he asked slowly.

"I am going for a walk in town. We have the day off, right?" I asked him back.

"Are you sure you want to go... alone? I wish I could go with you, but I have to go back to the Minerva... You know, I can always send Lunamaria or Belva to escort you, though you don't really need protection for the moment and because you might..."

"I don't want you to send anyone. I really want to just... I don't know, Athrun. _I don't know_ what I want and I think I never really will. Don't worry about, Athrun. I am dealing with this just fine." Of course, being a good friend, Athrun realised that I was lying. I wasn't done grieving and I might take a little while to heal. But I never was someone to put my sadness and my worries onto someone else, so I decided that again I would not bother him so much about my personal life. We have been through so much and I think Athrun had his fare share of shit in his life too. He was and is still to date a great friend to my brother Kira and my dear little sister Cagalli's fiancé. Athrun was almost family to me and we keep family safe, where I come from. We protect our love ones from harm and we try our best to make their lives easier. Athrun didn't need me like I needed him and I always felt horrible about that because I knew that deep down, he was independent and I wasn't. I left him on the bench and I walked away, letting the ocean breeze caress my skin.

I walked across town and saw that the ZAFT soldiers deployed in this city were fraternising with the citizens, which seemed to enjoy their reassuring presence. The Earth Forces has really been crushing on them lately and the pressure of falling back into their grip made the people scared and helpless, willing to trust anyone who could teach the Earth Alliance business. I had time to recalculate my position and decided to wander off farther from the Minerva and the docks, knowing silence and solitude would be beneficial. Diokia was a very enjoyable place where the beach bums and the drinks were always welcome. I stopped at the nearest beach and sat down on the warm sand, feeling the grains in my palms and the slowly rising water on my feet. It was cloudy but everything was fine. I didn't expect that day to be beautiful anyway. There was a storm coming. I knew it just by looking at the clouds. Small drops of water began pouring down in my hair and soon, it was dark and pouring heavily. The beachers were exiting the place. On the elevated dock next to me, I heard someone shout: "Let's go back to the ship, Commander Desjardins!" I looked in her direction and saw Belva Sheen, making hand signs to come back with her. She was gesticulating heavily and something fell out of her jeans pocket. It was a tiny object, really. The pink small thing dropped in the water and she seemed worried. "Oh my God, no!" she exclaimed. It must have been her cell phone. I could see it: it was floating on the water. The water wasn't really treacherous so I made my way into the ocean and swam to the plastic object. "Commander Desjardins, what are you doing? Come back here, it's not safe!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

I never was the girl who listened to orders from youngsters. I continued swimming and I finally reached the pink cell phone. I took the time to examine it: it was an old flip model with two orbs attached to it, as an ornament. The battery was dead and nothing worked: it has touched water so perhaps that was the reason why it was broken. When I decided to rejoin with Belva, I was hit with a colossal wave, sending me against the ocean floor. I was being pushed back and I was almost out of breath. The object was slowly escaping my hand and my eyes were shutting down. My body felt cold and numb. **Open your eyes! Come on! You dumb fool, open your eyes!** My mind was telling me to move but my body refused. I had to do something or I was going to drown. I pushed as hard as I could the sand below my feet and my head popped back to the surface. I swam to the shore and I let my body regain its strength, Belva running towards me. "Commander Desjardins! Commander Desjardins, are you alright? Are you hurt?"

Her voice was blurry and so was my vision. The salt was pinching my eyes and I coughed all the water out of my mouth. "_Holy Jesus!_ I'm calling Commander Zala immediately!" she said. "No!" I exclaimed, Belva stopping in her tracks.

"I am not hurt, I'm just a little shaken, that's all, I'm fine." I said, getting up. Her blue eyes were wide open. "I've never someone as strong as you, Commander. You almost died and you're already up on your feet? Are you an alien or something?" she said, wrapping her pullover around my shoulders. **I wish I could be an alien; it wouldn't be as embarrassing as what I am now... abandoned and ashamed.** We decided to leave on foot for no taxis were going out on a time like this. My uniform was soaked and so were Belva's clothes. "Commander, why were you alone, in the middle of a storm near water? It wasn't very smart, you know?"

"I...I wanted to be alone."

"Well, your room on the Minerva would have sufficed, with all due respect." She stated. I could only smile at her humour. She was trying so hard to make me forget the past minutes and it was actually starting to work. She was a real joy, that girl, after all. I had judged her by my own observations and hastily concluded that she was a pain in the ass. But, I was mistaken: she is quite the talker and made me laugh. We were cold and shaking with shivers. "Damn, it's really cold!" she exclaimed. "Yes, but I still have one question: why the hell would you drop your cell phone in the water?" Her eyes suddenly deviated and she looked at the ground. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"Well, it's not exactly mine. I... kind of picked it up from someone's room." I frowned.

"Who's room was that? Lunamaria? Or perhaps Meyrin?"

"Actually, it's from Shinn's bedroom. His door was opened and the phone looked like it was thrown on the wall. Maybe he didn't want it anymore so I figured I'd check it before using it... but the thing is that the battery is completely crashed and the thing doesn't work. Now that I dropped it in the salted water, it's done for. I'm a Coordinator, but I'm no genius in technology, expect for Mobile suits. I don't know what I'm going to do now... He'll notice it's not there anymore..." She said, almost with tears in her eyes.

"Why are you crying Belva? It's just a cell phone." I said to her.

"You don't understand, Commander. I am new in the military. My father is a very rich man; he works in with Mobile suits and he designs new models. I was hard to be accepted for everyone thinks he can put me in any division of ZAFT because of his influence. When I was assigned to the Minerva, the crew thought of me as if I was a high society little girl. They still think of me like that, like I took advantage of my father's power and earned a not so rightful place on this amazing ship..."

"Why are you listening to those idiots?" I asked her, outraged.

"Because I... I want to fit in and to be like by the others..."

And I thought I heard me, just about there, when I entered the military. Back in the days, when I was part of the Earth Alliance's_ Division_ program, I followed orders perfectly, like a dog listening to its masters. I was doing everyone's else's dirty biding and that got me a Commander position. I thought life was like that: to get something, you had to morph into something that other's desired, that they wanted you to be. I was harsh, I was fierce and I was probably very much hated by my crew on the ship I was assigned to. Only Seth managed to keep me in control. When I thought about it, I always had someone to control me and my emotions: if I were alone from the start, I would probably be dead today. My parent's, my adoptive parents that is, had control of me when I was younger, way younger. After the ZAFT commandos destroyed my hometown, Captain DuFlamme took me under his wing and managed to keep me safe, alive, and out of trouble. After he died, I had found Seth, which has been my best of friends, but is now deceased. Everyone dear to my heart had passed. Now, I have new people that can take care of me but no one would understand more than... _him_. I refused to pronounce him name, even in my thoughts. He taught me to have self control and to believe in myself because I was simply me. It was my turn to be silent and Belva looked at me with sad eyes.

"There's something wrong, I know, Commander. Lunamaria told me... about you and Commander Joule. I am truly sorry. I probably shouldn't talk about it though; you seem to be very much affected by it still. I am sorry, I am out of my boundaries, here."

"Perhaps I need someone's opinion." I replied back.

"Really...? Well, I don't know... I think that, with all due respect, he doesn't deserve you if he was able to push you away like that. I mean, you probably are the most respectable woman ZAFT has never seen before. You are strong, you have power, you have an arsenal of weapons and you are... well, you are quite pretty. I don't understand his thinking." She made me smile. Just the thing I needed. It's nice to have friends such as Athrun for support, but guys will be guys. Girl friends are irreplaceable. She made me think of Cagalli in a way with her tomboy hair cut and her expressive eyes. Of course, she wasn't a potty mouth like Cagalli but it seems she had the same kind of naturally tender energy. I stopped and hugged her: I deeply needed a little affection and she did nothing else but to hug back. It was nice to have the trust of someone. When I let go, she smiled, bought me a bottle of water at one of the stands and we walked back to the docks. "Commander Desjardins, I wonder if you could keep the cell phone for a little while? I can't repair it right now so I am wondering if you could hide it for me just for the time being?" she asked.

"I guess I can do that." I replied back. She smiled and we reached the Minerva's dock, which was packed it food and health supplies. Our machines were being repaired also. The Victoire and her shining turquoise color were being polished and the yellow eyes of the Mobile suit were like the ones of an eagle. It was simply splendid to watch. No wonder the enemies were scared to approach me on the battlefield: maybe they didn't want to scratch the thing. "Your Mobile suit is radiant, Commander." Said Belva, leaving and entered the ship. I took the time to relax and to look at the crew working for they really worked hard. On the lower deck, a jeep truck arrived and it was driven by one of our crew members, joined by Athrun and Shinn, who seemed also wet and cold from the rain. Well, I wasn't in a mood to even talk to him if he did something wrong. Athrun would have to deal with him for the time being. I had to spark up my will to play with technology again. I would have to fix the pink thing and give it back to Shinn and keep it a secret until then.

When I saw Athrun's face, I could see he wasn't in the least happy about what happened with Shinn. Well, I only suggested that something happened with Shinn, but I could almost read the guy's thoughts: he wanted to kill him. I decided to enter the Minerva and to have a talk with Athrun. We haven't spoken since this morning and I felt like I put a burden on him with my sadness. There is nothing I could have wanted more than his peace of mind. I walked slowly behind him, hoping he would notice my presence silently. I could feel him boil inside. Looks like he was angrier than I originally thought. He paced through the main corridor of the Minerva like a hurricane and I tried to follow him the best way I could, which meant running behind him. Shinn had run inside too, shutting himself in his room. Something had gone down while I was with Belva this afternoon. I finally was able to grab Athrun's arm and he growled. "I don't want to see you, Shinn!" he screamed. "Hey, it's me you fool!" I said back. He sighed in relief and smiled. "I'm sorry, Kim. I thought it was that dumb shit kid." **Oh man, it's getting serious now. For Athrun to say such words, he must be **_**fucking**_** pissed. **"What happened?" I asked him, following him into his bedroom.

"I have no idea what to do with this kid! I mean, he_ never_ reported anything since this morning, he _stole_ a motorcycle from the hangar, he left without telling anyone of where he was going, he _transgressed_ the perimeter given to him for his day off, which was the town of Diokia and he **jumped off a cliff**, called the emergency SOS signal of the Minerva without a proper reason and almost got himself _killed_!" I frowned. "Aww... he's not injured?" I asked, a bit too disappointed for Athrun's taste.

"Of course not and _thank God_! Captain Gladys would have had my head by now!" he replied back, not amused by my humour.

"Oh come on, lighten up, Athrun. If he's suicidal, it's his own problem." I said back to him.

"That's the thing: he didn't jump to die, he jumped to save some _girl_!" **And there's the silver lining. **

"Oh dear. So it wasn't intentional…" I said, shaking my head. "Well, I can't always take care of him, Athrun. Sometimes, you also have to perform your duty as Commander. You know, I prefer you punishing him. At least you have the restraint not to hurt him." I said.

"Change of subject: where were _you_? I looked for you all over town! I tried to search farther, but our orders say we can't leave Diokia. When I was about to give up, Belva Sheen rejoined with me and propose to find you. I let her because I had a _certain_ distress call from Shinn and I had to make my way to the cliff. What a bother!" I smiled and tried to reassure him. "Don't worry, Athrun. You tell me next time he misbehaves. I will... communicate with Captain Gladys."

I exited his room saying that and walked along in the corridor leading to my own room. As I made my path, I couldn't help but thinking why was Shinn so prone to a certain death and why did he care so much about others around him. It was a hard question to answer at that time because the superiors were outraged at his actions and so was Athrun. I grabbed the pink, broken cell phone and turned it in my hand. I would have to make magic happen again if I wanted this thing to work. Athrun had to me he took the liberty of putting my own device on my charging plug because someone had tried to call several times. When I entered my room, I made sure I locked the door and sat on my bed. I sighed and began undressing when I heard this peculiar ringtone that has been so familiar to me in the past. My heart stopped and my hands were now shaking, my eyes watering. I put my hand on my mouth, letting the device ring for the second and then third time. When the fifth ring approached, I swiftly ran to my phone and answered.

"H-Hello?"

_"It's me. Where have you __**been**__?"_

And I thought I would have died just there.


	16. Phase 16

I most certainly could not control my trembling now that his voice made its way to my ears. It was as if a bell chimed in my head, like a sign from the sky. I didn't know what to answer to him. He hadn't called me for weeks and he was now engaged to another woman. Why was he calling me now? What the hell did he want to talk to me about that was so urgent for him to call me? I sighed and I could feel his impatience at the other end of the line.

"Well, _are you going to answer me?_ You haven't called for _weeks_, Kim! How am I supposed to know that you still live?" he screamed. I couldn't answer for I did not have the strength to do so. It was impossible for me to open my mouth so to even pronounce words seemed quite unimaginable. "Are you there?" he asked, slowly letting his anger out.

"I was there." I said. I immediately regretted the words that came out. How could I have been so stupid? Why was I answering to his questions? Why did I feel the obligation to answer to someone who literally dumped me for someone else?

"What do you mean, Kim? _What's going on?_" he rashly asked, obviously waiting for an answer. The pain in my chest was beginning to suck in the oxygen and I found it hard to breathe.

"I-I was there for you the whole time..." I said, feeling the rage in my voice. I couldn't control the anger boiling inside of me; it was too hard and too emotional. "You didn't answer my question, Kim! Why didn't you call me to say you were alive?" Why was he so persistent?

"Why should I call _you_? Why should I give you _my _trust yet again? Aren't you ashamed?" I blurted out, putting my hand against my mouth to prevent the sobs form escaping my lips. "And to think you can worry about me like you used to! Who are you to care for my well being? Aren't you the one who broke my heart by loving someone else? Aren't you the one who's engaged to another? Aren't you the one who was cowardly enough not to even say it to my face? Why did I have to learn it from a friend? Why, Yzak, _**why?**_" I exploded, my shouting slowly uprising my bedroom into hell.

"I-I didn't know how to present it to you. I didn't know how you were going to react." He said calmly.

"And you think I would be _fucking_ **fine **with it? Is that it?" I said to him.

"I don't have a choice, Kim. I thought that, by marrying you, everything about my past would go away. I was engaged to her long before I have met you. My parents were very important political leaders back in the days and I was engaged to that girl even before I had known love... before I had known you."

"_Shut up, you traitor!_ **You lied to me**! How can you do this to me? You could have said no! You could have said that you loved me and that you were planning to spend the rest of your life with me! That's what you should have said to your parents or whatever is left of them! Remember when you taught me that we always have a choice, that we always have control? Maybe I should not have believed that for my sake. _Maybe I made a mistake_." I confessed.

"No, please...! Don't end it like that!" he screamed.

"Don't you put the guilt trip on me, Yzak Joule! _You made your bed, now lay in it!_ Well, you used to come to mine, but I see you're going to lay in another's one. She's probably tall, feminine, with long blond hair and pink cheeks. She's probably rich and her parents are friends of your mother, _damn that woman to hell_. Your wedding will be all white. Well I am very sorry that I could not be the woman wearing white on this special day in your life, Yzak. I am a soldier and I always will be…"

"You don't understand…! Please, let me try to explain…!" he said. I interrupted him.

"You could never accept the fact that I would lay down my life for others, for the ones I care for. You could never have me for yourself for I am a woman of the world. You preferred begging my sister for a job in her government and put me behind a big large desk where I would be safe. I was Executive just for your sake and for the first time in my life, I feel like I belong in the right place: in the military. I am not a rose, Yzak. I am not passive and I surely am not _deaf or dumb_!"

I hung up and threw away my cell phone in the garbage can. I never wanted to see it again. I never wanted him to call me again. A couple of minutes had passed but I couldn't make his voice go away from my mind. He had put his evil grip on me once more and I knew it was going to be hard to let go.

The night was long and sleepless. I had tossed and turned until I annoyed myself and decided that I could not sleep. How could I close my eyes when the only thing I saw was him? In my imagination, he was handsome, his silver hair blowing in the wind, his lean body naked before me. I missed him but I couldn't have him back. Maybe if I had been more attentive of him and his needs, maybe if I called him more often, maybe if I played the role he wanted me to play... Maybe he would still love me and not her. It was definitive: I wouldn't be able to sleep at all. The morning came fast enough, thank God. It was still pretty early but life on the Minerva was rushing through time, as always. When I finally decided to get up from my emotional mess, I went to take a shower and take care of myself, something I haven't done in a very long while. When I got out of the bathroom, I wondered what they would ask me to do today. Babysitting, training, enduring my pain and be harassed by teenagers? The Minerva was now en route for the Black Sea, which didn't lift up my morale either.

"_Commander Desjardins, Commander Zala and Commander Westenfluss are to report at the Captain's office."_ Said Meyrin, her voice echoing from the intercom all around the Minerva. I haven't spoken to the Captain in a long time simply because I didn't have enough time on my hands to freely report each day. I got up and exited my room, having put a fresh new uniform since my old one had been destroyed by seawater. I walked down the corridor and noticed that Shinn's dorm door was open. It was unusual because he always closed it shut and locked. When I passed before it, it looked like a hurricane ran through the dorm: everything was thrown in every direction, like someone was looking desperately for something on the ground. The furniture was pushed away from the walls and the pillows were tossed aside. "Damn, where the hell is it?" I heard him grunt. Then suddenly, it clicked. He was looking for the pink cell phone. **Shit!** I walked away swiftly and rejoined with Athrun at the end of the hall.

"Kim, I thought you would have been sleeping a little. You look awfully tired." He confessed.

"I'm on duty, Athrun. We can't sleep like we want. Plus, I'm having difficulty to fall into a snooze..."

"Maybe you worry too much. You have a lot on your mind, Kim." He said, trying to find excuses.

"Athrun, he was the one who called, yesterday. He wanted to talk." I said with a little sadness in my voice. He grabbed my arm and put his head on mine. Athrun was always so attentive of everyone's emotions. Sometimes, I wondered if he really was a guy. His touch was always comforting and always got me out of my funk.

"Forget about him, Kim. He's no good for you." And he always had the perfect things to say too. I knew this meant a lot coming from Athrun because Yzak was still one of his best friends. We walked to the Captain's office and waited for Heine to finish his report to the Captain. Athrun had explained that he reported for the both of us so I wouldn't have to explain to Talia of what happened yesterday with Belva. "Thanks, Athrun. I guess I owe you one."

"Well, you're up to _eleven_ now. When are you going to start to cough up the goods?" he asked, smirking. I hit his shoulder and he winced.

"You can be such a great friend and such an imposing pain in the ass when you decide so, Athrun." Athrun wasn't the type of man that would respond to that but I knew he thought something like: _"That's what makes me so adorable." _When Heine got out of the office, we saluted each other and told us that the repairs on our machines were done. I was glad the Victoire was ready for fights again. It seemed like it was the only thing I was good at these days. He informed us that we had to meet with the others pilots of the Minerva in the conference room. When we arrived there, Rey Za Burrell was already ready and saluted.

"Rey Za Burrell, reporting, sirs, madam." He said. I noticed that we were really the ones who were late: Lunamaria, Belva and even Shinn were already there.

"Ah! The Zaku Phantom pilot. I'm Heine Westenfluss. Pleased to meet you, Rey." Said Heine, saluting him. As he walked across the room, everyone seemed to be phased by Heine: after all, he was rather handsome, his personality was far more developed and his hair was simply gorgeous. "What a ship! The Minerva's something else all right... Way better than serving on a Nazca class, right Athrun? The Minerva is the most wonderful ship out there, isn't it? " he continued.

"Uh, yes sir, you're absolutely right about that." I knew Athrun had in mind the previous legged ship we were assigned to during the last war.

"Have you been assigned to a Nazca class before, Commander Westenfluss?" asked Lunamaria. Heine deeply frowned.

"Call me Heine. I'm not a big fan of titles. That's the way it usually is between military members of ZAFT and between the pilots too. You're name is Lunamaria, right?" he asked her, looking straight into her greyish purple eyes. "Uh, yes." She replied. Belva smiled but she had to face Heine now and he face lit up with an embarrassing shade of pink. "And you must be Belva Sheen, aren't you not? Yes, I have met your father: very nice man, if you ask me. Of course, I helped him design my own Mobile suit, did you know that?" he asked. I knew that hurt poor Belva. She was right: the people on this ship accepted her because of her father and not for the person she actually was. "Excuse me Heine, but Belva is an individual. Maybe you should learn to know _her_." I stated. Athrun felt uneasy about my attitude and Heine turned back to me and smiled.

"My apologies, Kim. How can I refuse a request from such a beautiful lady?" He turned around to Belva. "I'm a sorry I offended you, Belva. I shall now think of you as an _individual_, right?" he said, nodding. "Uh, y-yes, well..." She didn't know what to respond, to be exact. Shinn seemed confused: he approached Athrun and asked:

"Commander, is he serious? He really wants us not to use titles?" Athrun sighed.

"Commander Westenfluss has seniority over me, Shinn, so I suggest you listen to him."

"Call me Heine." Said Heine in a cheerful voice. **Oh my God, what a reformist, that Heine! **

"But, _hang on a second:_ do they all call you Commander, Athrun, Kim?" he asked, astounded.

"Uh, well..." responded Athrun.

"Yes, they use formalities with us, Heine. We are their superiors, after all." I responded.

"Athrun is the one who usually takes commands during battles and Kim is the one who... _reinforces_ the discipline among the crew of the Minerva. Both are exceptionally talented to be Commanders for they are such a power house on the battle field, so we decided to call them that." Continued Rey.

"Really? But that's... you know... I just think it's not a very good idea to build wall of that nature between the pilots. Weather we are FAITH, red uniforms or green uniforms... we are equals. Good? Then stop calling them Commander and call them by their real names." Said Heine. I was dumbfounded: what the hell is that all about? So we worked our way in for nothing? My eyes were wide open and so was my mouth.

"Really, you guys should have known better. Why did you have them do that in the first place?" he continued. I really liked Heine, but I thought he was pushing it a bit too far.

"Because... it was always like that?" tried Belva, shyly backing away.

"Let's start thinking as ourselves as a new team starting today! We'll work together and be the best we can!" he chanted off, walking away, Lunamaria, Belva and Athrun following him. I was surprised mister Zala was even behind him. I thought he would have been a bit taken aback by the new rules. I shook my head and also followed from afar, Shinn by my side. "So I can call you by your name?" he asked. I glared.

"I guess, though I might not particularly _like_ it. Is there something you want to ask me?" I said to him.

"Why are you taking Belva's defense? I mean, are you encouraging her position here, on the Minerva?" he asked, astounded. I frowned.

"Yes, and I will make sure she's well accounted for, Shinn. I heard you weren't treating her correctly. Now's the time to talk about your... insecurities." I said to him.

"Well, she doesn't _belong_ here. She didn't work to get a red uniform. Daddy talked to the Captain and she was here in a matter of days. Don't you find it revolting?" he asked, grabbing my arm. I looked at his hand, which was touching me and pushed it away ferociously.

"_Who do you think you are, Shinn Asuka?_ Who gives you the permission to judge someone by looks, rumors and appearances? She deserves to be here because she's a good pilot, like everyone else. Her uniform also represents her maturity, Shinn, unlike the boy who's facing me right now. I wonder what _you_ are doing here, wearing the same uniform. If it weren't for your so-called "skills", I would have sent you back, _wherever_ you came from. And watch what you say around me, you little hater: I can have you _demoted _as fast as I can punch you in the gut. And for you it's going to be_ Commander _**still**." I said, walking along. This kid was so infuriating I had pierced the skin of my palm with my nails from my clenching fists. He was such an asshole I wanted to... Arg! If only I had been his mother, I would have to right to ground him forever! Heine, Athrun and I were called to the bridge to talk about military strategies with the Captain.

The meeting had taken a brutal turn of events: we had heard that the Earth Alliance was reinforcing Suez and this was not a good sign at all. I was worried they might call reinforcements from other nations. That would sign our fall. It seemed I was daydreaming because Athrun nudged my arm to wake me up from my paralysis. "Do you have any idea how many troops are placed at Suez right now?" asked Heine.

"We don't really care about the numbers right now… The thing is that they got that _ship_." Said Captain Gladys, her eyes closing.

"You mean that ship we've encountered in the Indian Ocean? The one carrying the stolen machines from us?" asked Arthur Tryne, the man with the most irritating accent I've ever heard.

"Yes. That's why it will prove to be difficult. You can bet anything you have that these machines will turn up, eventually." Continued the Captain, looking directly at Arthur. "In any case, this ship will soon be moving out. We are heading for the first line of defense at Dardanelles and guard the entrance of the sea of Marmuelle. We're leaving at 6 hundred hours, tomorrow. I hope you shall all be ready." Concluded the Captain. She kept looking at me, for some reason, like the glimpse in my eyes displeased her.

"Is this alright with you three, Kim, Athrun, Heine?" she asked. I frowned and let Athrun answer for me since I was so taken aback that a Captain was asking my opinion on the battle strategies. "Yes, madam. Of course it is." Replied Athrun. She dismissed us but called for Athrun and I one last time.

"Oh, I forgot to mention… The Earth Forces are waiting for their reinforcements right now… They come from the Orb Union." She said. I stayed in shock while Athrun's mouth popped wide open. Why would the Orb Union help the Earth Alliance? Oh no! **They made that alliance that Yuna wished about! They allied themselves with the Earth Forces! This is bad…**

"I know you might be upset about that fact, but right now, Orb is our enemy. They will fight along our enemies, and thus, they become our enemy as well. I know this is hard for both of you, Kim and Athrun, but I am counting on your support in this battle once more…" she said, truly sorry. I exited the room after salutations and headed back to mine, where I would find peace and maybe a little comfort. I reached the door to my room and closed it behind me. I looked at the pink cell phone laying on the bed table and frowned. I would need a lot a patience to repair this old thing. I grabbed it and put it in my uniform's pocket. I would need some tools, which I didn't have right now. I would keep Belva's secret and I would repair this phone if that were the last thing to do. I sat on my bed and looked at the ground, remembering why I was here in the first place and not somewhere where this wouldn't exist. "I was born human, so I can't really help it…" I sighed.

The Minerva had already started the engines and would be ready to fight by the end of the day. The tug it gave to launch was a bit violent, but I managed just fine. I closed my eyes and let Seth Yoshiro invade my memory. He had been annoying, perverted and cheap but he had been my best friend and the one who made me laugh the most. I was submerged by happy thoughts and my mouth curled into a smile. I remembered once, he had put his hand on the stove of the Star-Strike's kitchen oven just to prove he could endure pain better than anybody on the ship… to only cry afterwards and for me to kiss his booboo. It made me laugh. I rolled on the side of the bed and let my hair loose, the long strands of brown hair falling on the bed.

"It's been a while since I heard you laugh like that, Kim…" I turned around and Athrun was coming in my direction. He was the only one that had permission to enter my room without invitation. He sat on the end of the bed, looking at me. I smirked and curled myself in a fetal position. "I don't know what to say to ease your pain, Kim." He confessed.

"You don't have to say anything. Your presence alone is comforting, Athrun. It's like you're the cure for everything that has been happening to me, lately. I thank you for that." I said. He rested his hand on my leg and we talked about our options. There were few, but we still had some. We could abandon being part of this crew and escape or we could fight and finish the war alive. Athrun was a man of peace, a man of word and most importantly, a man of honor. "Kim… how did it feel when you learned that Yzak was marrying someone else?" he said.

"It's not about how I felt… It's simply what it would trigger. I feel as if he was the only person holding me to this world. Now that he's gone, I have this freedom that I am scared to use. He used to tell me what the right thing to do was. Now, I have to figure this out on my own… But there's the omnipresent hole in my chest and that hole signifies one thing… I am not myself anymore." I said back to him. I frowned when I looked at him. His head was in turmoil, just like mine. And then I understood. He was living the same situation than I was. Cagalli was about to marry Yuna and almost did. She had accepted the fact that Athrun was a second choice and that she took duties instead of love. She never told him that she was going to marry that asshole. I had been blind by my own sorrow and I never tried to notice my friend's! I quickly rose up and hugged him with all of the love I could give him. He was surprised, but he hugged me back, like he needed it.

"I am so sorry, Athrun. I should have done this a long time ago. I am a horrible person… I let you alone in this situation…!" I said, tears rolling down my cheeks. He shook his head and simply told me that he was glad I was here. We stayed there, in a tight embrace, for long minutes. I didn't care if Heine or Shinn entered the room and saw: Athrun would let go when he felt like it. He fell asleep in my bed and I closed my door, leaving Athrun to a dreamless sleep.

I wandered around the ship and it felt good since everyone was asleep. I could walk around, not bothered and could go to the bathroom without having to be called or anything. I decided to go to the main deck and to get some fresh air. The night breeze of the ocean was fantastic and it cleansed my thoughts. I sat there for a while, not looking at the time. I was alone right now and the hole was eating me from the inside again. I wish I could just figure out my life alone, without pain… but I couldn't. I had tasted friendship and I would never dream to give it up. I sighed. **I even hurt my dearest friends…**

"I thought you wouldn't sleep. I was right, then." Shinn red eyes crossed my sight and I rolled mine. I mean, I never really cared much about him, his past or his feelings. I just felt like he didn't deserve my attention. He came and sat next to me, his dark hair blowing in the wind. I looked at him and despised him. The aura that he emanated was repulsive to me. I did not have the strength to look back to him. "I knew I would find you here."

"You must be suicidal, then." I replied. He knew he blew every one of his chances with me, but I admired his guts. No man, to my knowledge, would be stupid enough as to sit to someone who almost killed him twice or more. I looked at my gun and figured this would be the perfect time to shoot him and throw him overboard. Athrun would kill me and Captain Gladys would have me executed. I decided to not touch the gun and to simply endure his presence.

"Why do you make yourself so restricting, Kim? I mean, why do you have the urge to shove everything that you don't know in the hole?" he asked. His question took me by surprised because I had no answer for it. I was foolish enough to even think about it. He was rude, selfish and most importantly annoying. "Because I don't want people like you butting in my life and make it worst." I said, getting up.

"Don't go! We didn't have the chance to talk yet!" he said, holding my arm. I pushed his hand away and tried to walk away, but in vain. Shinn placed himself in front of me, blocking my exit path. I just noticed that he was tall enough for his age, his chin almost touching the top of my head. "Now is not a proper time to talk, Shinn. Not in the middle of the night." I replied back, trying to get pass him.

"When do you want to talk, then? When are you free?" he asked. I rolled my eyes.

"When the war is over, maybe I'll consider having a conversation with you. I don't want to disappoint you, but there is a chance this 'conversation' may never happen. I suggest you be patient and let me pass." I said, now insisting that he let me leave. He then placed a hand on mine and smiled. I found his gesture inappropriate and winced in disgust. "I don't know why this piece of crap you called a man left you for you have such soft hands…" he said. I thought he was right on that part. I still snapped my hand back and frowned.

"Is there a reason why you insist on touching my person? Is there some kind of deal with you?" I asked. He sighed and smiled. That kid was downright weird to the core. I mean, why touch with such an intimate intention a woman when you barely know her? I had argued with him, pull a gun on him, slapped him twice, menaced him with deadly intentions and told him to buzz off more than several times: what was up with this kid?

"I just wanted you to know that… I can't forget what you have done at Onogoro." He said. I frowned with anger. He was trying to make me feel even more remorseful now! I tried to explain to him that I couldn't change the past and that I was sorry that his parents might have died because of me, but he wouldn't take it in. "I-I just wish you would leave me alone, Shinn! We don't have to speak to each other! I know you despise me for what I have done in the past and I hate you because…!"

"I don't hate you, Kim. I can't forget but I am trying really hard to forgive… I am trying, alright? It doesn't mean it will happen, but I am still doing my best to cope with all of this!" he said, defending himself.

"Well, you should hate me. Not only did I destroy your past and your family, I pulled a gun on you multiple times, I hit you and quite frankly, sometimes, wished you were never born! You have all the reasons in the world to hate me and I don't want you to be friendly around me. That's an order!" I said. He seemed amused by what I was saying. His eyes gleamed with… something.

"Fine, I won't try to be your 'friend'." He said, pulling my waist closer to his body. As soon as my brain analyzed what was happening, he had found his way to my lips again. This time, he wouldn't break the embrace. His tongue found mine and it was like I was with Yzak all over again. I had lost myself to the feelings and I grabbed his hair, pulling him closer. His body pressed close to mine and he grabbed on my waist, his hands firmly gripping my lower back. The fire inside of me ignited again, just like before. His mouth was so soft yet so warm it was like heaven. I couldn't stop and my mind wouldn't tell the difference between Yzak and Shinn, in that moment. I moaned and the sound escaped my mouth, indicating that he had the permission to move on. His hand slowly ran up my uniform skirt and found its way to the bosom, when he put a firm grasp on it. My heart sank in ecstasy but my mind eventually realized that these two men were completely different. I broke the kiss, my eyes opening wide open. "_**That wasn't friendly at all!**_" I screamed. He broke the embrace and laughed while getting back in. At that point, there was only one thing in my mind: "Why did men screw with my head so easily?" I mentally slapped myself and followed him inside, my head bowed in a mixture of shame, disgust and excitement.


	17. Phase 17

I do not own Gundam Seed Destiny, its plot or its characters. Only my OCs.

I didn't have time to sleep much, that night. The deep slumber I was looking for could not be found that night: I was immensely anxious because of very specific reasons. First of all, I couldn't shake off the feelings I was experiencing because of Shinn Asuka, that troublesome, ass grabber runt. Second of all, I knew that we were heading towards Suez, where we would fight Orb, which I vowed my allegiance to. Lastly, my heart was still troubled by the fact that I was going back to my selfish old self: I had forgotten the misery my friend was experience because of my sister and that I couldn't do a thing about it because I was on, believe it or not, the Coordinator's side. Because of this inner turmoil, I could not sleep. I was bound to live a life of pure insanity. Oh, I almost forgot to mention that my fiancé was currently sleeping with another woman, which he was engaged to and supposedly forgot to tell me about it before he decided that we got engaged. I could only roll my eyes, at this point and I knew it wouldn't make anything change at all.

Early in the morning, the alarmed ringed throughout the Minerva: we were entering fighting zone, where I would oblige myself to rise from my bed, get dressed and go slaughter people that I once cared for, for they were my own people. I put on my uniform and ran towards the lockers, where my suit was waiting for me. As I opened the door of the locker room, I bumped into Athrun. He told me to meet him back at the hangar and I nodded silently. He smiled and departed to put the finishing touches on the repairs of the Saviour. I was about to reach my suit when Shinn entered the locker room and stopped in his tacks when he saw me. I decided not to ignore him. "Good morning." I said to him, waiting for an answer.

"Uh, hi." Was all he said. Finally, did I scare him enough he would leave me alone? Did I finally manage to shut his pie hole so that he could leave me be? Oh, that would have been the best day in a while. He stayed silent and I exited the room quickly, putting on the burgundy coloured elasto-suit. I did not want him to continued our conversation, after a rightful thinking. I escaped from the room and took the elevator to see if the repairs on the Victoire were done. Belva Sheen told me to hold on the elevator door for her and I placed my hand on it so it wouldn't close. She thanked me and I let the doors close, letting the elevator descend. "So… we're fighting the Alliance… I mean Orb… I mean, they're with them now, isn't it? I just… I just can't think that they are with them! It doesn't make sense to me anymore..." She said, her eyes watering.

"Don't worry. I am sure this will be over soon. They will simply retreat and we will advance without any problem. After all, I knew the Orb troops aren't prepared for pilots of our calibre." I said, looking at her.

"How do you know that?" she asked. I smirked.

"I used to be Orb Executive, remember? Such things, I analysed quite often." I said, putting a hand on her shoulder. She smiled in recognition and the doors opened to the animated hangar. The Victoire's bright turquoise colour illuminated the dull, grey walls. It was a good machine, without a doubt. Perhaps it would help me bring an end to the war. And I could only think about how Cagalli would end up paying for this war: after all, she wasn't leading her country right now. I don't know how Orb managed to survive without her, but it did in the worst possible way of surviving: siding with the Earth Forces. As I approached the Victoire, Meyrin's voice instructed the crew that Orb had already began to send Mobile suits towards us. That wasn't very good.

I was ordered to get out with Athrun, Rey and Shinn; Belva, Heine and Lunamaria would have to wait their turn. The hatch opened quite quickly and Shinn, along with the Impulse, would be the first going out. They launched and Athrun was put on the ejecting platform next. "Athrun Zala, Saviour, taking off!" The red Mobile suit was almost directly ejected right after the Impulse. Now the Victoire was put on the platform to eject and to fight against Orb's forces.

"Kim Desjardins, Victoire, let's go!" As I was being pushed in the sky, I felt a tremendous relief: at last, I would be able to fight and to be alone for a little while, no one bothering me and everyone answering to my command. I felt better knowing I was Commander because I could protect the ship with all of my power. I also could protect the crew and my friends with all of my might. As the Core Splendor flew high in the sky, ready to lead, Athrun stayed behind and watched my back. He always liked to stay just a little behind the action to have a better view of what was happening. He would then report to me. "Are you alright, Athrun?"

"Yeah, I'm just fine. I'm just a little… Well, to be frank, I am not very happy about all of this… It just feels so wrong… But we still have to do it…! I don't know what to think anymore, Kim…" I understood his feelings for I was experiencing them as well. I could see the Orb fleet in the horizon, its cannons already sending pistols and fire waves at us. We evaded the bombs quite easily, but the real thing wasn't here yet: the Mobile suit reinforcements weren't there just yet and thus is gave us a little more time to figure things out. Orb wasn't here yet… I didn't have a chance to think for much longer: they arrived much faster than ZAFT anticipated, the white and orange Mobile suits heading right towards us like darts. Shinn flew very quickly to them and started to make things exploded, making me feel uncomfortable. I stopped but was attacked by an Orb pilot, his Mobile suit leading straight towards me. I pushed him downwards, the machine falling into the sea. At least he wouldn't have to die.

The Minerva wasn't far behind and had ejected the remaining pilots available, which were Lunamaria, Belva and Heine, his striking orange GOUF shinning in the sky. Soon, the Minerva was on our right, fighting against the fleet alongside us, all of its cannons out and ready to destroy. They soon started to fire in the Alliance's fleet.

I figured early on that killing wasn't an option for the Orb pilots had all the reason in the world to want me dead and they acted according to these reasons: they attacked to kill. I had no choice but to put them down, one by one, with no intention to continue this fight any longer. This battle was a mistake, a very grave one. This fight would determine the destiny of the Orb union. If they didn't fight hard enough, the Alliance would cut them to the chase and destroy this country. If they fought to their limits, it would annihilate the rest of the Orb troops and thus, making them vulnerable to us. It was a vicious circle and orb was stuck in the middle, unable to get out without Cagalli Yula Atha.

The main war ship of the Orb union was now in sight: it was the biggest and the most equipped of them all. The Minerva also caught sight of this and loaded the positron cannon towards it, ready to fire it into ashes. It was wrong. There might be some people I knew in there! I was to far to ask Captain Gladys to stop and reconsider. The positron cannon was loading its energy, the faint blue light getting brighter and brighter from its core. My heart stopped and I closed my eyes, knowing it would be the end for that ship, along with the hundreds of men aboard it. The beam never came. I opened my eyes and saw a green positron beam piercing the Minerva's blast cannon and make it explode into tiny pieces, sending waves of shock throughout the war ship. I looked up and smiled. It was my brother. It was the Freedom. "It's Kira." I mumbled. The Freedom came from the sky as fast as sound waves and stopped in its tracks, noticing the Impulse and the Saviour. Athrun was speechless. I was unable to move and so were the attacking troops, all stopped dead.

The Freedom stopped right beside the Saviour, floating right in front of it. "K-Kira! What are you doing here! You shouldn't be here! Where's the Archangel?" screamed Athrun. While that was happening, I looked down and saw the Minerva, with deep dark swirls of smoke around it, land on sea and float away its troubles, the fires being extinguished by the emergency crew. I looked behind Kira and saw the Archangel, its red and white body gleaming in the sunlight. It was the grandest ship I've ever seen in my entire life, even eclipsing the Minerva in multiple ways. It made me feel nostalgic. When I noticed that the Archangel's hatch was open, I wondered if another pilot was coming out. I mean, what other pilot would be on the Archangel? The Mobile suit that exited the hatch was, in every way, the same as the Strike, piloted by none other than Kira Yamato, two and a half years ago. Its colour was the main difference: it was pink and red. It was also wearing a crest on its left shoulder. It was… a lion… with a rose… "That can't be…! That's not true!" I said out loud.

"I am the Orb's chief Representative. My name is Cagalli Yula Atha!" It has seemed like the world around me stopped living, moving and breathing. The battle had taken a total stand and even the Minerva was silent. "Cagalli!"

"Pay close attention, Orb forces! I demand you stop this senseless fighting at once!" she ordered. It was like she appeared out of nowhere, embarked on the Archangel, had a Mobile suit and was ready to use it. Wait a minute! She _appeared_ out of nowhere, _embarked_ on the Archangel, _had_ a Mobile suit and was ready to _use_ it! Wasn't I going mad? That just made no sense to me. The Strike Rouge placed itself near Kira and I advanced towards them, knowing that Athrun would do just the same. Cagalli noticed that I was coming and Kira placed himself in front of her, ready to protect and fight. "Who are you and what are you doing!" he screamed.

"Kira, it's me, Kim." I said, waiting for an answer. Both Cagalli and Kira were in a state of shock. I suppose Yuna had told Cagalli that I was taking a vacation somewhere on an island, enjoying the sun. They had no clue of where I was and how I came to be part of ZAFT.

"Kim, is that really you?" Cagalli's voice was trembling, as she was about to cry. We hadn't seen each other in weeks and we didn't know if each other were safe or not. She offered the Strike Rouge's hand and the Victoire hand met it, shaking hands. "I though you were safe, with Yzak, in the PLANTS! I thought you would never have to fight again… Oh, Kim… How I wish it was different." She said. Just mentioning his name gave me shivers.

"We'll talk about that later." I reassured her.

"Kim, you're with Athrun, right? I wouldn't believe what I heard… When it came to my ear that the famous Kim Desjardins, ex-Executive of Orb, had joined in with ZAFT, I couldn't believe it. But now that you are here, in this Mobile suit, with weapons in hand, destroying Orb's forces, I don't know whom I am facing anymore…" he said. I frowned. He wouldn't understand if I told him anyway. He was judging me. Exactly like I had judge myself for even considering ZAFT.

"I don't need your permission to do what I want to do, Kira. I don't need your approval and I certainly don't need a lecture. I thought you would be happy to see me, like I am happy to see you." I said, taken aback.

"You don't understand… I _am_ happy to see you… Seeing you _here_, though, it makes me sad and angry. Why aren't you with Yzak? Why aren't you with him, in safety, in the PLANTs?" I was boiling now. He was judging without knowing what happened!

"He _dumped_ me, Kira! Where am I supposed to go? I have nowhere else to go but in the military, where my place is! Who are you to expect something that will never be me! I am not a doll, I am a soldier! Why is everyone expecting me to be something that I am not?" I said back to him. Cagalli was now stuck in the middle, uncomfortable. I knew she wouldn't pick a side, but I never thought that she would stay silent. My brother disappointed me. He had a cause, Cagalli had a cause, Athrun had a cause… Hell, even Shinn had a cause! Why couldn't I fight for what I believed in?

"Watch out!" screamed Athrun. The Orb fleet had resumed the attack, even after what Cagalli had done to persuade them to listen to her. Kira ducked with her and I let the Victoire in a free fall, evading the missiles in the process. "Cagalli, go back to the Archangel!" screamed Kira. Knowing Cagalli, she would not listen and stand on her feet.

"I won't let you guys here! I… I can't leave Kim and Athrun here, Kira! I have to fight as well!" she said back. When Cagalli piloted, it seemed like she could only look into one direction and not focus on what was happening around her. She didn't see the missile heading in her direction, she didn't see the imminent danger she was in and Kira had his hands full with the forces packing on him like a band of hungry lions. I swung the Victoire's laser sword and destroyed the missile right before it hit the Strike Rouge, sending shock waves throughout Cagalli's cockpit. She screamed.

"Get out of here! You'll get killed!" I said, shoving the Strike Rouge in the Archangel's direction, Cagalli unable to move. She was crying. I could feel her pain and distress, but I also had to protect myself from the enemy and right now, I was the enemy to them. I plunged downwards; slicing a few Mobile suits in the way. Shinn and the Impulse were near and he was also doing some damage on his own. Athrun was now stuck with the Gaia and the Chaos. So, they were here… But where was the third one? I didn't have time to think. Cagalli wasn't paying attention and I saw a blue underwater Mobile suit morph into a Gundam and headed right under her. _**"Move it, Cagalli!"**_

Kira had managed to stop the Abyss from getting to our sister, this one mentally crushed by the battlefield. I looked behind and wanted to see Heine, or even Ray as reinforcements. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw that it was Belva's pink GOUF that was on the front line, along with us. She was fighting well, but was it good enough? The Archangel was closing in towards the stricken down Minerva. I flew towards Athrun and shoved the Chaos away from his, striking his arm while at it. He had enough to endure with the Gaia, already. The Orb forces were closing in on us and Heine was doing his best to keep the Orb Mobile suits away from Athrun and I. The Chaos was pushing me, but giving up wasn't something I learned. I pushed back, slicing part of its arm along the way.

The Gaia moved on to the Impulse and Shinn, which already had their load of work already. I shot the Chaos in the shoulder, thinking it should be enough for him to retreat. I flew at maximum speed towards the Impulse and pushed the Gaia out of the way, making its pilot angry. She came back for revenge and I grabbed the Gaia's wrists, immobilizing her. "Retreat! I don't want to destroy you! Just go away!"

"NEVER!" She attacked, but didn't scratch the Victoire. She went back to Shinn and they fought like there was no tomorrow, both Shinn and the lady piloting the Gaia giving up. I could see on my monitor that the Minerva was having a rough time handling the pressure with almost half of its façade destroyed by Kira. Why would he do that? What right did he have to do such a thing as to leave my mother ship destroyed? I looked at the Archangel and frowned. I knew Murrue Ramius and Lacus Clyne were part of the Archangel crew and thus, it prevented myself from attacking it out of vengeance. I would never destroy Kira in that way. That was against nature. Kira was now protecting the Archangel, using the Freedom's full capacity. I looked around and saw that Belva had difficulty with some of the Orb pilots and I flew to her, destroying in one swing, the remaining enemy Mobile suits. "Thanks, Kim. I thought it was the end of me back there…" she said.

"Just be careful, Belva." I replied to her. The Gaia had changed prey and it was now attacking Heine and it's orange GOUF. He evaded her shots, but he kept it very clear that his machine was no match against hers. He whipped the Gaia with an electric wire weapon and sent in to the ground, on the shore. She was immobilized for a couple of seconds, but Heine didn't loosen up on the gas: he hit her until she was flat on the ground. She tried to get up and to fight back with her riffle but he had also destroyed that with his weapon of choice. "Heine! Watch it! You don't know what she's capable of!" I said to him, but he ignored me. Shinn was now handling the Abyss, but was having a difficult time doing it for the other Mobile suit could go under water and hide. I sliced another couple of enemy Mobile suits, knowing that this carnage would come to no end. I knew Murrue had figured out already that the Minerva would stand much longer without help and so she decided to protect it from harm.

I turned around and saw that Kira had begun something inexplicably wrong: he had turned against Shinn and destroyed the Impulse's right arm! "Kira, what are you doing, for God's sake, that's my ally!" I screamed at him, pushing the Freedom's back, making him unstable. He never replied. His Freedom was now in overdrive, destroying everything in its path, which wasn't the way Kira normally fought things through. He had to be stopped before he did something unconditionally stupid. I followed him and grabbed the Freedom's arm, throwing it in the ocean. Maybe that would calm his strangeness. I think I didn't think this through: the Freedom immerged and pushed me back, getting back its laser sword. I took out mine and the blades met, the laser creating a great source of heat. "What do you think you're doing, Kira! You can't destroy everything! You almost killed one of Minerva's pilot!"

"You don't understand! He would cause more destruction if I didn't stop him!"

"_**You're**_ the one who's doing the biggest destruction around here, _you hypocrite_!"

I pushed the Freedom back and punched its head, making Kira fall back. Our laser swords raged against each other's and I was getting mad at him for what he was doing. I could see that we had moved closer to the Gaia and the GOUF Ignited that was piloted by Heine. I didn't want to get involved and I punched the Freedom again, wanting Kira to be distracted. The Gaia jumped towards and Kira pushed the Victoire away, sending me violently back on my seat. The black Mobile suit was now in pursuit of the Freedom, which had no pity on her. Kira slashed away the Gaia and she landed in the ocean. Heine was infuriated that the Freedom had settled his fight and he attacked his laser shots. "Heine, don't attack him!" I grabbed on the Freedom's right leg and pulled him downward, making him unstable. "Let go of me!" screamed Kira.

"I won't let go! You go back to the Archangel and you disappear from here!" I said back to him, putting a knife through the Freedom's leg, making Kira swear. Heine was getting dangerously close. Kira had enough, punched the Victoire's head and I had a free fall. I was striving to get the control back and when I managed, Kira had sliced the orange GOUF's arm off. Heine had stopped moving, not wanting to push his luck. The Gaia had managed to rise again and used its BuCue form to give the Freedom his last grace. Unfortunately, Heine was moving away from the battle, giving him a wide-open position for the Gaia to make a two in one. I gasped and screamed: _**"Kira! Help him! Heine, move back! No!" **_The Gaia, out of rage, sliced through Heine's GOUF like butter and let it explode, blood escaping from the explosion. I screamed.

"_**Heine!" **_I furiously grabbed the Gaia's wings and ran my laser sword right through the chest, letting in fall down in the water, immobile. As soon as he first tear escaped my eyes, the Earth Alliance had called a retreat signal and Kira stayed by my side, silent. I looked at his damned machine and said to him:

"Why didn't you stop her from killing him? Answer me, you bastard!" I cried.

"Because I knew it wouldn't have made a difference." My eyes widen.

"Do you really think so? If that is it, _then you are no brother of mine_!" I lunged towards the Freedom and sliced its arm off, Kira taken aback. I pushed him back and punched its cockpit, sending the Freedom backwards. I was signalled to retreat and I took one last glance at Kira. He reminded me of me, when I was young… He wanted to save them all by stopping them all… He would never succeed. I sobbed, as I looked Heine's remains floating on the water surface, Athrun joining me for support. The Archangel had left and so did Kira and Cagalli. I was alone with Athrun again. One way or another, we would have to go back to the Minerva to report. I looked behind and saw that Belva had managed to survive, her pink GOUF damaged. As long as she was alive… _**Damn you, Kira.**_


	18. Phase 18

**I do not own Gundam Seed Destiny, just my OC's.**

Athrun was devastated when he met me on the deserted battlefield, the Saviour annihilated. Kira Yamato and the Freedom were the causes of its almost complete destruction. The body of the Saviour was slashed open, the arms and legs torn off. The only part of the Mobile that hadn't been damaged was the cockpit, in which Athrun was in, safe. Kira had spared his life because Athrun was, still to date, his best friend. I was less forgiving. The last image of Heine's face still haunted my mind and my memories. He had been there when I was the most vulnerable: he had been standing with me when I heard, from him, that my ex fiancé was cheating on me with the woman his parents chose for him when he was young. Now, Heine's body was floating on the water, his beautiful red hair soaked with blood and salty water, his delicate face gashed by the Gaia's wings. That woman would pay for what she had done. I swore on my life that the Gaia's pilot would pay with her life for what she did to Heine Westenfluss.

When Athrun and I descended in the hatch of the Minerva, we were completely silent, bewildered by what had just happened on the battlefield. Who would have thought that Kira would have turned into a killing machine? When did the change occur and why did he do what he told himself not to do, at the end of the war, two years ago? What had happened in his Coordinator brain to make him so… irrelevant in his sayings and in his actions? When we arrived in the hangar, the Victoire was immediately being repaired, right after I exited the cockpit. Athrun, on the other hand, could only look at the damaged Saviour, the Mobile suit given to him by Chairman Durandall, a man that he respected and that earned back his respect. He was, that I knew, mentally devastated by what his best friend, Kira Yamato, had done to him. Never he would have thought that they would fight against each other like that again. I felt the same way. I never laid a hand on Kira for as long as I knew him. Even if his actions deserved to be punished, I never was angry with him like this before. Kira Yamato had some explaining to do, that was for sure.

When Shinn disembarked the damaged Impulse, he looked at me and smiled. I didn't what that smile was for, but I knew that, in his book, I had done something great. I had an idea of what that smile was about, but I wouldn't resign to play his game. He passed me and put a hand on my shoulder, which surprised me.

"You _damaged_ the Freedom… You surpass my expectations, Kim." I did not look at him for I was ashamed of my actions. I should have acted my age on the battlefield and not attack my brother. I let my anger control my actions and thoughts and I had made a mistake. When Belva exited her damaged GOUF, she ran towards me and threw herself in my arms. Big sobs escaped her lips as warm tears of fright slid down her cheeks. Her embrace was exactly like Cagalli's. She had been so scared today that her emotions had to resurface. "Commander Des-Desjardins…! _You saved m-my life_…! I am **so** s-sorry!" she said in between sobs, her arms tightening around my neck.

"I was so scared…" she said to me in whispers. I looked down at the blue haired girl and sighed. She was only fifteen years old and she fought against a whole army of veteran soldiers. Of course she was allowed to be scared. She knew her life was in the hands of this war and that she could die any day, any minute of his conflict. When I was released from the hangar, I accompanied Athrun to his room, wished him a good rest and headed straight to my room, without looking at anyone, not even Lunamaria, who wanted to talk to me about my performance on the field. I sat on my bed and thought about what Shinn had said to me for several minutes, looking at the pink cell phone in my hand. I decided that it was time to put my technical knowledge to test and to fix that thing as fast as I could before he discovered that I was the one that kept it away from him. I rolled my eyes and began the difficult task. I had locked my bedroom door, tied my hair in a ponytail and rolled my eyes.

I had stayed in my room for the following two days, my head and mind focusing on one thing: the pink cell phone. I wondered why it was so important to Shinn. After all, it couldn't possibly his, for he was a young man and a pink cell phone would simply crush his masculinity. Since the technology was older, I had a rough time analysing the parts. It was truly complicated at first, but after two days, I was almost done. Only a few more adjustments and a change of battery and the pink cell phone would be running again, this time with a self-rechargeable battery. My body thumped against the wall of my bedroom when the Minerva put down anchor at the port of Turkios, in the Sea of Marmara. I was told that we had to wait here for the several parts that the Minerva and our Mobile suits needed for the extensive repairs they needed. They had to be shipped from Diokia and that could take quite a while.

An officer told me through my bedroom door that I had to meet the rest of the pilots on the exterior deck of the port so that we could pay our final respects to Heine Westenfluss. They had put his body in a metal coffin and would like Shinn, Athrun, Lunamaria, Rey, Belva and I that it was, after all, the least we could do for him. I dressed up, pulled my hair in a sophisticated bun and put on some discreet make-up. I joined in with Athrun at the main deck and he looked pale and tired. It was the first time we haven't spoke for so long. Two days was proving to be unbearable. He took my arm and we met with Lunamaria and Rey on the port ledge. After paying our last respects to Heine's body, a military took him away and we were left, silent, outside the Minerva, to wander around.

As we walked in silence, I could feel Shinn boiling inside, his ears getting red and his breathing heavy. "This was _their_ fault…! I hate the Archangel! Heine would still be alive if it wasn't for them! I mean, _what the fuck_ were they thinking? They asked us to stop the fight, like that was possible…! Who do they think they are? _What the hell is wrong with Orb?!_ They're just a bunch of losers!" screamed Shinn, walking away angrily. Lunamaria ran back to console him and Rey followed, saluting the both of us, Athrun and I, before leaving. I clenched my fists and closed my eyes, remembering all the blood in the water. I remember Heine's red hair floating atop of the water, drenched in blood and chemicals. It was an ugly memory, enough for my stomach to fail.

"God damn it!" I said, my eyes watering. Athrun put his hand on my shoulder and I hugged him, crying in his arms. He pulled me in a tight embrace until I calmed down.

"I don't want to hate Kira, Athrun! He could have prevented Heine's death! All he had to do what to push the Gaia away! It was in his reach! _**Why didn't he do it!**_" I said, in between sobs. Athrun couldn't answer for he didn't have the answer. Kira had committed a horrible crime. Not only did he hurt Shinn, he let Heine die. I would never forgive him, even if deep down, I wanted to. I was too sad, to aggravated and in sorrow. Athrun and I walked to the Minerva's deck and he told me to stay in my room until he came back to fetch me. I found it bizarre, but it would give me enough time to finish my repairs on the cell phone. When Athrun entered the room, I snuffed the cell phone under my pillow and stood up. "What is going on, Athrun?"

"We have permission to leave the ship. Put on civilian clothes and come with me. We're going for a ride." He said, sitting on my bed, waiting for me to get changed. I frowned but didn't ask questions. I guess we needed a little time off the Minerva. I went to the bathroom and put on a pair of black skinny jeans and a blue jacket. Athrun and I then moved to the hangar, where we took the Victoire to head to the town of Turkios. I asked for the hatch to open, with permission of Captain Gladys. I saw Lunamaria running towards the Victoire and waving her arms. I ignored her and the Victoire was ejected. We were in the sky again and Athrun instructed me to head west and I did. When we reached the coast, we hid the Victoire and rented a car, where we could go in town with. "Athrun, what the hell have you planned?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"Don't screamed and punch my face if I tell you, alright? We are going to find the Archangel. I want to talk to Kira." He said, looking at me. I glared at him and almost jumped out of the seat of the car. "_**What?!" **_ I had no time to say another word as Athrun started the car and pressed on the gas so hard my head hit the seat. I put on my seat belt and prayed that he truly had his driver's license. He drove very fast, but efficiently. The coastal city of Turkios was pretty and was designed with many colours. Athrun didn't talk much but I liked it that way: it was easier to concentrate. I couldn't believe it: Athrun wanted to talk to Kira! I wanted to kill him! I wouldn't have the restraint to not shove my fist in his face. I closed my eyes and boiled. When I opened my eyes, we were almost in the city. There was a girl on the side of the road, waiting for us to drive past her so she could cross the street. On closer inspection, she looked very familiar. It then hit me. "Athrun, stop the car! That's Miriallia!" He braked and I rose on my seat, waving at her.

"Miriallia!" When she heard her name, she turned around. She smiled and ran towards us and got in the car. We headed in town and I got to talk to her in the way, Athrun simply driving and listening. We stopped to a nearby café and ordered something for her, which greatly pleased her. Athrun then started explaining our presence in this part of the world. Miriallia always were a curious woman, which explaining why she became a freelance journalist. As we drank our coffee, she kept asking more questions that were getting difficult to answer. She couldn't understand why Athrun returned to ZAFT. More importantly, she couldn't phase why I joined in as well, for she said that I always hated ZAFT. It was partially true, but I replied that I followed Athrun in his decisions because I trusted in him and the Chairman. Athrun, wanting to change of subject, started talking about other stuff.

"Oh, we ran back into Dearka when we were in the PLANTs…!" said Athrun, wanting to please Miriallia by informing that her crush was all right and still living. When she heard his name, her face twisted in annoyance. "What's wrong?" Asked Athrun.

"That asshole can get lost in space for all I care." She simply said. Then, she turned to me and smiled.

"So, what about Yzak? Do you have any news of him?" she asked. I frowned and my eye twitched unpleasantly.

"_That asshole can get lost in space for all I care." _She giggled and eased the tension. So, we both were angry with our Coordinator exes. I wondered if there was a correlation between our relationships. After all, we went out with best friends, who happened to be Coordinators and got dumped or dumped them. It was ironically funny. Athrun felt a little bit cornered and changed the subject again.

"Seriously, that's not what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about the Archangel… See, Kim and I knew that the Archangel had landed in Orb, but… why in the world did it ended up around here? When it interfered, the battle got… uh…" Athrun couldn't finish his sentence.

"I know. I was there too. I saw the whole thing…" she said, pulling out photos of scenes of the attack out of her bag. Athrun and I took a look and I picked a picture where Heine's bright orange GOUF was being slashed in two by the Gaia. I closed my eyes and quickly gave it back to Miriallia before I began to cry. She took it back and understood why I gave it back. Athrun ran through all the photos before handing them back as well.

"What do you think you will prove by trying to find the Archangel…?" she asked.

"We want to talk to Kira and Cagalli." Replied Athrun. I let him do the talking. After all, it was his idea and certainly not mine. I knew Miriallia was uncomfortable being in between the Archangel and the situation with the Minerva and us, but Athrun tried.

"You want to talk to them even thought you're both part of ZAFT, now?" I could feel her discomfort. I could feel Athrun's heart beat through his chest and I put a hand on his arm to calm him down.

"Alright… that can be arranged… I could put you in touch as long as it's just the two of you. I don't want anyone to butt in and to ruin the whole thing, is that clear?" she asked. I knew she was talking about the other pilots of the Minerva and even about Talia Gladys, the captain of the ZAFT warship. Miriallia told us that tomorrow morning she would send a transmitted signal message to the Archangel. She told us to stay in town and to rent a hotel room until she came back to us. We did as instructed and Athrun and I rented a room with the little money we had on our pockets. Athrun and I always we comfortable in the presence of each other and we were close friends. I sat down on the rented bed and he sat down at the desk, on a wooden chair. I looked at him and knew he was bothered to see Cagalli again, face to face, after what she did to him.

"Athrun, may I ask you a question?" He turned around and nodded.

"Is it my fault that Yzak left me? Did I do something wrong?" I asked. I never really spoke to Athrun after I learned that Yzak was engaged and that he called me to explain and that I shoved his arguments back to him by slamming the phone on the wall of my bedroom. He knew nothing about our relationship, but I wanted to see from another perspective. He looked at me and smiled.

"Kim, you have nothing to say about yourself. You were kind to him and even managed to calm his fierce temper. I would like to thank you for that. You have done nothing wrong. He is the unworthy one. I know this is going to sound very wrong coming from me, but if Cagalli weren't in my life, and that you wouldn't be one of my best friends, I would have loved you in his place." He said. My eyes widen and I flushed. He laughed and threw a pillow at me. I couldn't stop giggling, as the single thought of Athrun loving me was funny enough to piss my pants. "Thank you Athrun, I needed a laugh." I said in between laughter. He simply smirked and threw another pillow at me.

"Athrun, my sister loves you with all her heart… I want you to forgive what she has done to you… I want you to be her lover and husband and I want you to be the killer of Yuna Roma Seiran. You hear me? If you do not kill him, _or at least break his legs_, I will and promise I shall sign your name on the crime, you hear me?" I fell asleep on that, as Athrun didn't reply. I slept for a whole day and Athrun kept guard until Miriallia came to get us. We drove back to the Victoire and flew out of the town vicinity. Miriallia indicated that she chose a specific spot for the meeting. It was on a rocky island that we had to climb to get to a plateau. I let the Victoire land and Miriallia disembarked quickly and climbed. I had to find a better spot to land because we were dangerously close to the see. As I flew the Victoire around the island, I spotted Miriallia on the plateau, with two other people. It was Kira and Cagalli. I could recognize their hair from the sky. Athrun's heart was beating loudly and I could hear it. As I landed the Victoire near them, I noticed that Kira was frowning. "Damn."

**(Let's keep in mind that Lunamaria is going to hear all of this and going to report to Captain Gladys and afterwards)**

The Victoire stopped moving and I opened the cockpit hatch to let Athrun disembark first. I didn't want to be the first to have to get out. I wanted for Athrun to land on the ground and then I took the grip line and descended myself from the cockpit. Cagalli was wearing a very nice tunic and she had done her hair. She knew Athrun was going to be there and she prettied herself. Kira was wearing his usual black suit and red shirt. He seemed deep in thoughts, looking at me. I had let my hair down and zipped down my blue jacket. As Athrun and I walked towards them, I could see Cagalli's eyes watering. She ran towards Athrun and hugged him. He stayed still, not returning the embrace.

"Why did you do it, Athrun? Why did you return to ZAFT? I was… I was so afraid that something might've happened to you! I was so worried! I had no way of contacting you and to talk to you! And you, Kim! Why did you join ZAFT as well? You promised me you'd protect him, not to accompany him in the military!" she said, pointing her finger at me. I frowned. Athrun lowered her arm.

"For us, it was the best thing to do at the time. Not only for us, but for the nation of Orb as well…" replied Athrun, refusing to look into her eyes. Cagalli was about to scream at him out of anger when Kira stepped in, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"That's enough, Cagalli…" As Kira walked towards us, I could feel my blood boiling inside of me. I was so angry with him that I could have hurt him right here and now. I could always run with Athrun in the Mobile suit and kill Kira on the spot and no one would ever have to know. I decided to stay silent and to ignore my feelings. As Kira's indigo eyes met Athrun's emerald ones, I knew that their relation ship would never be the same again. Kira then looked at me and knew that I wouldn't return a smile or an embrace. Athrun, not wanting to aggravate the situation, simply screamed out:

"_I want to know why you did that!_ Something so damn foolish! You fucked up the battlefield and caused chaos and because of you, one of our comrades _died in vain! _You could have saved him but you didn't!" Cagalli seemed upset by what Athrun just said.

"Something so foolish? Maybe. But the enemies you and your ZAFT buddies were about to take on were an Orb fleet!" I snapped.

"_They were __**stupid**__ enough to follow the wrong people!_ You even came on the battlefield and declared yourself as their rightful leader and they almost _killed_ you! Your beloved Orb fleet is not worthy of surviving and it's a miracle it did! They deserve to be eliminated, one by one!" I said back to her. She looked stricken and bowed down of the argument.

"You think that making a surprise appearance is going to change anything, Cagalli? If you didn't want the fight in the first place, maybe you should have stepped up to the plate, put your feet down and tell them not to fight before the battle actually happened, as a true leader!" said Athrun, turning the blade inside her chest. She was ready to break down. Kira had to intervene at this point.

"You said you guys joined the ZAFT forces because you thought it was the best plan that came up, then let me ask you this: what is the next step for the both of you? _You_ were looking for us. _Why_?" Sais Kira, trying to keep his nerves under control.

"Because I wanted to let you know that what you have done is wrong and that I want to stop you from doing something like that ever again! We understand about the Junius Seven incident, but since then, the Earth Alliance has created the mess we are in! The PLANTs are doing their extreme best to prevent these conflicts from happening! They're trying to bring to an end all of this nonsense! And then you guys just pop in the picture and screw it up even more!" screamed Athrun, aggravated.

"Do you really think so?" Asked Kira. "Do the PLANTs really feel that way? Does the Chairman feel the same as you two? Does he really want to end this war and bring peace to this world?" He continued. His tone was arrogant.

"Of course he is, you dimwit! Don't you listen to the interviews and the news? Don't you see what he has done since the beginning of this conflict? He's doing everything in his power to save this world as best as he can!" I said back to him. "You're a hypocrite, Kira Yamato! You_ fight _as well! How can I believe your words when you are so arrogant and so certain that you have the absolute truth? If that's so, then please, share it with us! The whole fucking world would like to have the answer to this mess!" I screamed at him, making him less proud of his statement.

"I don't pretend to have the truth, Kim! But what about the _other_ Lacus Clyne, up in the PLANTs? What can you tell me about _that_? Do you think the Chairman's telling the truth when he displays a fake? I suppose he didn't tell you that a squad of Coordinators came to our house and tried to kill the real Lacus!"

"What? Someone actually tried to kill Lacus Clyne, _the world idol_?" I replied back, in shock.

"When we were in Orb, we were attacked by a lead squad of the special forces of Coordinators. I was confused and angry at the same time. I mean, who would do that to Lacus except someone that doesn't want her to live because that person is a message carrier? Are you two getting where I am going? This is why I decided to pilot the Freedom again. I don't want her or anyone else, for that matter, to die. I will not stop fighting until I have a clear answer to those questions and I am not going to trust the PLANTs either."

I could not understand who would do that to the beloved Lacus Clyne, the person who everyone loved and respected. It was possible. It was nonsense. I couldn't get it through my head that maybe the Chairman wanted the real Lacus Clyne dead because she was more than trouble alive. She was loved: people listened to her words of wisdom. That is scary enough for any political and military leader: theses leaders had to have the loudest voice in the crowd. But Lacus's voice was stronger and clearer. I closed my eyes at the sudden realization and bit my lower lip.

"If what you said is right, then what happened is absolutely outrageous. But if you say that you don't trust the Chairman and the PLANTs, wouldn't you say that you're jumping to conclusions? After all, there are Coordinators everywhere, Kira… Not only in the PLANTs. Not every one in the PLANTs is to blame for this, either. Most of them love Lacus and wouldn't even dream of wanting her dead… You are talking about another kind of Coordinator… like the ones who dropped Junius Seven! You can't put everyone in the same boat. Remember: this happened without the Chairman knowing it! It might be the same for this situation as well, Kira! You disappoint me very much, Kira!" said Athrun, making Kira look away.

"Athrun, I think we've spoken enough already. I say we should head back to the Minerva." I said, Athrun nodding in approval. Cagalli suddenly grabbed my arm and pleaded.

"Aren't you two coming…? I mean, aren't you coming back with us, on the Archangel?" I snapped my arm away, knowing that if I didn't I would choose the Archangel any time. But I had the sensation that if I came back to embark on the Archangel, things would be even more complicated. I looked at Athrun, who turned back to Cagalli.

"If you want the fighting to stop, then you go out there and do something about this treaty with the Earth Forces! It's too late when you're already on the battlefield. Do it like the true Representative of Orb, not some chicken that is afraid of facing responsibilities!"

"I know that… but, Athrun… won't you come back to the Archangel with us? Back to Orb… with me?" Asked Cagalli, water in her eyes. Athrun seemed torn apart with the gut wrenching decision and looked at me for support. I gave him a look and he sighed.

"If Orb stays a country like it is now… Then, it would be impossible for me…" She grabbed his arm but he tugged it back. "Look, Kim and I are soldiers again! I am not coming back with you!" He then looked at the ruby ring he offered her. She was still wearing it, which seemed to sadden him even more.

"But, Athrun… we're…"

"I will fight against Orb if it stands in our way, Cagalli! That's why you have to do something about that stupid treaty! I don't want to fight Orb, but if they remain with the Earth Alliance, then it will happen!" All I could think about was how Heine perished, in a battle against Orb.

"You know Athrun, it serves nothing if you remain angry by what's happening out there… What is lost in battle is in the past… We can't change that… Ugh!" I slammed my fist against his face and he fell on the ground, Cagalli rushing to his side. I was now crying warm tears of anger. I couldn't believe the guts he had to say that!

"My friend was _killed_ because of **you!** How dare you say such things when _**you're**_ responsible for his death! He was kind and loving! He was a great man! _You let him die_, Kira and what pisses me off is that _**you could have saved his life**_! You could have! I can't believe what you just said!" I said, hysterical. Athrun kept me from hurting him more, holding my arms behind my back, letting me fall to the ground, shaking with violent sobs. "Kim!" screamed Cagalli. Athrun glared at Kira.

"I've had _enough of __**you**_! Kim is right! You think you've got all the answers, do you! Or have you forgotten just how many lives you took with your own hands! Look at what you did to your own _sister_! She lost a friend! Haven't you lost friends, Kira, in battles? _**She has**_! You won't even try to tell her that you regret what you did! She's tormented, day and night, because she keeps losing people around her! I am tired of her being miserable! Maybe it's because of her nature that she needs these connections, Kira, have you thought of that? Maybe her Natural side needs Naturals she can connect with, like Cagalli. Maybe her Coordinator side needs Coordinators to form bonds with, such as you and I! Who knows! But you can't keep doing that to her! That's all the more reason you should stop fighting and go back to Orb! I will tell you now: if you keep doing what you're doing, I won't be able to protect you anymore, Kira. Next time, Kim will not only get the Freedom's leg and arm: she'll annihilate it with you inside! You should listen to me and go back… never show your face on a battlefield again…" Athrun helped me back up and I turned around to leave. I took one last glance at Kira, who seemed deep in thoughts. He never looked at me in the eyes.

"Athrun…" said Cagalli, calling out to him. Her ruby ring was glimmering in the sunset light. Athrun knew what she was talking about, in silence, but he turned around still. "I know why you… did what you did… But some things are unforgivable…" He was talking about his engagement with him and the whole wedding incident. Both Kira and I knew it. "Even to me…" Athrun just wanted to cry but headed back to the Victoire. I followed him silently.

"Kim!" said Cagalli, at the end of her rope. I turned around to face her and cheaply smiled.

"I love you, Cagalli. I always will… as I do for you as well, Kira… But I cannot forgive what you have done." I said as final words. I acknowledged Miriallia and waved goodbye at her. When Athrun pulled me inside the cockpit, he asked if he could pilot. I accepted. As we departed, Kira, Cagalli and Miriallia seemed like little ants on the ground. I sighed and let myself be driven away by Athrun, in the gleaming sunset.


	19. UPDATE

Hi to all! I just wanted to say, first of all, that I am not dead. Okay, I haven't updated any of my stories in quite some time, but I assure you I am not proven dead just yet. Unfortunately, I have lost, along with my sanity, a great deal of inspiration when I hit the University grounds. It has taken a lot of my juice and time. I had promised some of you that I would be able to update during my vacations, but to be frank, I am a bit overwhelmed by my own work. I do realize I ABSOLUTELY have to finish my Gundam Seed sequel and that I have to get a move on to my other stories. However, I will need a great deal of help. If you guys are interested, can you send me some of your ideas to finish Beyond the Mist of Hate? I am at lost here and yes, I am pleading. I would prefer simple ideas and schemes. Thanks to all and wish me luck in finding another source of inspiration, somehow, somewhere… In the meantime, my stories are on hold (again… but this time officially.) Thanks for your time and support.

- Cath.


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